IAT = I am thankful
You know Alexander and his story? Well, I can relate. I'd love to go to Australia. Heck just moving to the next county over would be an improvement. I've been stretched to my limit with some relationships here. I'm not going to explain who I am, or how I feel, or why I do what I do, other than to say, that at the heart of all I do, relationships are what matter, and feelings are what matter. ALWAYS. Did you get that? Or should I repeat it?
My secondary business (see www.dailyabundance.net) is helping people heal from their emotional hurts. I would not purposely hurt someone's feelings EVER. And I am not perfect, but I watch my tongue. I am very careful what I say and to whom I say it. I bend over backwards to understand and be understood. To be kind. To allow for weaknesses. To see the good. To forgive and try again. With me, what you see is what you get. Oops, I guess I just explained myself. Oh well, MY BLOG!
Soooo, when I have a misunderstanding with someone and they REFUSE to talk about a problem, I don't understand. When I have a problem or disagreement, I believe I should go to that person that I have the problem with and I ask some questions, explain my point of view, and try to understand where they are coming from, and then when I am COMPLETELY ignored...further then I am .....edited....., I don't understand. When I am ...edited... against (you'll never know the details), I don't understand. When I am "one upped", I don't understand. (I am not talking about one person here, just so we understand, haha).
When a friendship seems to be improving and my heart does this little leap for joy, and I let my guard down and I share a simple thing with absolutely no negativity at all (and this was my mistake, I take that responsibility--I guess you cannot talk about any difficulty without the chance of someone twisting it so into distortion, that it is just not wise to do so), and then that thing is thrown back at me with ...edited... through phone calls accusing me of ...edited...and parents accusing me of ...edited......I don't understand.
When people do all they can to avoid you and make sure they don't have to look you in the eye, I don't understand. I don't get it at all.
I don't understand!!!!
And there is not one thing I can do about it. I'm the bishop's wife. I put on my smile. I keep my words to myself. I keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. I cry my eyes out and then like my Granny used to sing to me "just pick myself up, dust myself off, start all over again." 'Cause another thing about me is...I would NEVER do anything to bring disgrace to the office of my bishop who happens to be my husband.
Speaking of that beautiful husband of mine. I AM THANKFUL that he is there for me. He listens. He doesn't tell me what I should do. He counsels me. He understands. He is faithful. And darnit, he's not home for a few days this week! But before he left, he gave me a beautiful blessing. Beautiful words. "Peace. Let it go. Void of offense. Beyond reproach. Focus on better things." And that is exactly what I am going to do.
I hate the thought, that sometimes you just have to let some things and some people go. I can still love. I can still reach out if ever it is welcome. But sometimes space and time is a good thing. I am grateful for the peace that is ours if we want it and reach out for it. It's a beautiful thing to feel peace during a storm. I can't say I am perfectly at peace yet, but I will be. And for that...IAT.
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