My Healing Journey

I was recently asked to contribute a chapter to a book on LDS healing arts. This is what I wrote. I don't know if anything or what will come from it. But this is my story with EFT.

Nearly eight years ago, I found a book on my bookshelf. My grandmother gave it to my father and somehow it landed on my book shelf. She wrote in the cover as a gift to him. “To my loving son. Read this, ponder every sentence. It’s a beautiful education. Love, Mother.” I wanted to know why he should ponder every sentence. I found out! The book’s title; As a Man Thinketh. I didn’t know that day, as I curled up on the couch to read it, how profoundly it would change me. This book, created a shift within and still takes me places I did not know I’d travel.  

"MAN'S mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”

“Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and  fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts."

At the time, personal concerns in my marriage, consumed me. I finally realized I created them in my own mind. Is my marriage perfect? Of course not. Am I married to a righteous man, who was also a loving husband and father? Yes I am. But the raging battle within me brought me much unhappiness. Enter the second book. 

My husband teaches seminary and institute. That summer for an upcoming leadership training we read the book, Leadership and Self-Deception. It made me mad! I wanted to blame the problems “we” (I) had, on him, but instead I realized that by blaming, I put myself in a box and objectified him so I could be right. Not helpful! I was so angry, but it was so true.

Around this same time, I saw references in various places to a technique called EFT or tapping. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. I kept reading these amazing stories about this technique that frankly seemed unbelievable. Very open to alternative practices and natural health in general, I found myself skeptical. After reading Carol Tuttle’s book, Remembering Wholeness, and seeing other references, I finally went online and looked it up. Little did I know, my search for something to help me heal from the emotional turmoil over past hurts and traumas as a child and into young womanhood, was about to end.

I found a newsletter, lots of amazing stories, and hope. A generous offer on the site for DVD training, cost me only $150. My life has never been the same! Nor the lives of hundreds of other people I know and help. 

I seemed to learn step by step in a methodical way. My first experiences were physical healings through the proper use of EFT that I could not explain. Then I saw specific connections to physical and emotional symptoms. Next, tremendously emotionally charged experiences melted away. Then, a connection with emotions and spiritual issues as I intuitively combined “tapping” and praying together when needed. For myself I saw how spiritual issues could be healed more easily when faith is combined with this technique. If faith and fear cannot co-exist, then wouldn’t it help to resolve fears and worries with a simple technique so that your natural response is faith? EFT can and does do that.

In the beginning weeks, paradigm changing experiences so unsettled me that I spent a lot of time pondering, searching the scriptures, and talking to my husband, the new bishop of our ward. After much thought and prayer, I came to agree with my husband’s opinion, that this is simply another tool given to us by our Heavenly Father in our day to help. I could go to a doctor. I could go to a chiropractor. I could take prescriptions. I could seek herbal or nutritional healing. I could use this EFT to make a difference.

After that, I was all in. I began using EFT regularly with my own family. A healed hernia. An unexplained shoulder injury resolved and connected to an embarrassing experience with a friend, which led me to  seek forgiveness. Headaches and other pains resolved. My own emotional wounds began healing one by one. I resolved through prayer and tapping, which EFT is often called, the pain and trauma of my mother’s suicide. I also resolved my emotional hurt over abuses from family and strangers. Finally, I came to a very happy place in my marriage as the weight and burden of many emotional issues lifted. I even saw breast cancer risks that I was having measured every year and getting progressively worse, begin to reverse and improve.

Then the circle began to grow. Friends with traumas soon released those traumas. Unresolved physical pain resolved temporarily or permanently. Some conquered addictions. As my heart filled with joy at my own successes and the successes of others, my relationships strengthened, and I finally saw meaning in promises given in my patriarchal blessing that I never understood before. I would be able to use the gifts and talents that were mine, to help others progress in our Heavenly Father’s kingdom.

Because I feared being led astray, and I received a promise never to be led away by any outside force, I desired increased study in support of the actions I chose. As I sought truth, I could not find anything in the scriptures that cause me concern in regard to natural healing or EFT. 

I discovered through my years of reading piles of books and websites and teachers, that healing occurs on many levels. I believe they include: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and priesthood. Because I am a woman, I can rely on and suggest priesthood blessings to others, but I cannot offer them myself. So, on the occasion I need a priesthood blessing, or someone else does, of course I suggest that. While total healing on every level can come from a priesthood blessing, generally speaking, addressing healing on each of the other levels as well allows us to achieve all we can with the individual gifts we share.

Going back to As a Man Thinketh, we must address the thoughts in our heads that sabotage our lives. Mr. Allen also said, "Tell me what that is upon which you most frequently and intensely think, that to which, in your silent hours, your soul most naturally turns, and I will tell you to what place of pain or peace you are traveling, and whether you are growing into the likeness of the divine or the bestial." This reminds me a lot of President McKay’s statement, “You tell me what you think about when you do not have to think, and I’ll tell you what you are.” Our thoughts can and must change from negative to positive and multiple conference talks mention this. Mr. Allen is mentioned in Conference by Elder Wirthlin and Elder Perry. President Kimball also quoted him in The Miracle of Forgiveness.

Our hearts are a tricky thing. Our hearts “think.” See many references in the scriptures that speak of the “thoughts and intents of our hearts.” We think of the heart as the center of emotions. We can really get stuck in our emotions; in anger, frustration, hate, unforgiveness, pain, and hurt. What a discovery to realize that our emotions can get trapped in our bodies and cause physical symptoms. The brain, the heart, and neuroreceptors throughout the body connect our thoughts and emotions. (Read Molecules of Emotion, by Candace Pert) If we can quickly resolve the emotional hurts, the physical symptoms connected simply give way. It’s amazing how many emotional hurts can be discovered, and how easily they can be peeled back to find the true joy within us waiting to bubble up and overflow. If we can be hurt or damaged in a few moments, why can’t we also heal in a few moments? With the many healing tools we possess in this day and age, we can!

Physical symptoms are the easiest ones to identify. We notice our pains and limitations usually right away or when they reach a point of discomfort uncomfortable enough for us to take action. I find that our bodies often voice our emotions. It is amazing that if you just ponder the part affected and what it could say, the answers you get. For example, you discover a shoulder injury or pain, and you ask yourself or your shoulder what burden may be there (do we not “shoulder” burdens?) What answer comes? Then choose any number of techniques or healing processes to resolve the answers that you receive. Alternatively, if major issues arise with your feet, you could again ask yourself or your feet questions like; what path am I avoiding? What is keeping me from stepping forward? If we seek the Spirit when we ask these questions, the answers are often revelatory. Two books I found tremendously helpful to gain insights into the language of our bodies, are Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, by Karol Truman, and You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. The second book, not written by a member of our faith, nevertheless contains truth.

Finally, spiritual issues such as selfishness, resentment, greed, pride, guilt, and more, weigh us down, preventing us from the true potential our Heavenly Father gives us. It is natural to want to hang on to negative emotions and justify the way we feel or act. Our Heavenly Father knows that these are opportunities for growth and to become more like our Savior and to “receive his image in your countenance.” As we eliminate negative emotions one by one, and choose spiritual traits to replace them, we find the peace that passes all understanding. 

By methodically choosing to change and grow by healing on every level, we can reach a level of self-confidence that is available to all but sought by only a few. You can completely change your life with the help of your Heavenly Father, your Savior, your own gifts, and new healing technologies. I believe that our bodies respond to any attempts to improve. In many instances, “incurable” diseases easily heal when we seek it on every level; mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and with the added strength of the priesthood.

Ultimately our bodies are designed to heal. Cuts and bruises resolve with little attention. I don’t classify myself as a healer because it is the body, and the Great Physician who does the healing. There is truth in every religion and much healing truth in every culture and tradition. There are also falsehoods in some cultures, religions, and traditions, so it is important to use discernment when looking at the many techniques available. We can implement these truths into our lives and hearts. If we seek the Spirit and do not violate scriptural or prophetic warnings, we may experience healing unknown to us before. The Savior himself said, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.” I can’t begin to comprehend all that means, or how it relates to me, but it humbles me to consider it at all.

I consider myself fortunate that Priesthood leaders don’t seem to take any interest in what I teach. I often teach a local class where a few to 20 people gather to hear my free introductory class. This class usually covers stress management, pain management, controlling cravings, and negative emotions. Two experiences led me to seek answers because of others with a criticism of EFT. The first came from my oldest son returning from a mission. There was a ward mission leader who used EFT but questioned its use for improper purposes in removing guilt. Certainly any good thing can be perverted and used for evil purposes. EFT is not exempt from this. 

I believe two types of guilt exist. The first is the “godly sorrow” that leads to repentance and the turning of our hearts back to our Heavenly Father. There are no short cuts around this. If someone came to me trying to remove guilt for sin committed, I would ask them a few questions. If I felt they were trying to go around the repentance process, I would encourage them to counsel with their bishop or pastor if of another faith. I would then invite them to come back to me if they could not forgive themselves after attempting healing from a spiritual perspective. If they repented, but became stuck in unforgiveness, as many people do, then I would help them apply EFT to remove guilt where they clearly repented and were forgiven.

The other form of guilt is not really guilt, but regret. “I feel so guilty because I did not read to my young children. I feel so guilty because I wasn’t there for my family member when they needed me most. I feel guilty because my friend died before I could mend our friendship.” In these cases, there may not be any real sin. Likely more folly than anything, we beat ourselves up with regret of a situation and sometimes let it consume us. This is actually a wonderful use of EFT. Satan would love for us to believe we are too flawed, too imperfect, too unworthy to truly deserve the freedom from guilt from simple mistakes. That guilt becomes a burden that keeps us from shining our lights. We do not need to keep carrying that burden. Both types of guilt can be lifted through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Any lingering doubts, fears, guilt can be released with EFT.

The second challenge came from a local health practitioner in my area. I went in for my own care, and during the office visit I asked him if he knew of EFT. He said yes, and he expressed some misgivings because he felt like EFT could too easily release people of burdens which they should bring to the Savior. Though I did not reply, I giggled silently, because I thought, “Yes! We can be easily released from our burdens.” I hope everyone brings their burdens to the Savior, but even when we do, the conditions of mortality often block our ability to accept what He offers. I could say just as easily to him, “Well then you should certainly close your practice, because of course we should take our health burdens to the Savior, and you prevent people from doing that.” 

When we read stories of healing by the Savior in the scriptures, it is usually done quickly and easily. I find it interesting that the Savior used a variety of methods to heal. To some he simply spoke the words, “be healed.” To yet others, he touched or laid hands on or took by the hand. In 3 cases, he used spit in combination with other things, to bring about healing. To at least one, he forgave his sins. Some were instructed to wash. And we know at least one, who touched him and was healed. So, why is it today, that we expect healing to follow one specific way, or only specially approved ways? We live in a time where everything is available to us more quickly than ever before. Why couldn’t the Lord give us techniques to help us heal more quickly than ever before, in a time when we can’t be burned at the stake for it? What a blessing! 

I want to share just a few of my greatest experiences with EFT. The first one with my own son, kept him from having surgery. In Junior High, he suffered from hernia pain for some time, when he came to me sheepishly explaining the pain. I took him to the doctor, because this was something I did not know what to do with. An inguinal hernia was confirmed. After several more days of his complaints, I offered to try this “new thing” I learned to see if he could find any relief. We were both astonished when after 5 short rounds of tapping, he miraculously declared, “Mom, how did you do that? I felt the pain leave my body!” Hmm. I could not explain it. After pestering him every day for a week to see if the pain returned, he finally assured me there was no pain and invited me to leave him alone. As I mulled over the question of what in the world happened, I realized a couple of weeks later, I needed to take him back to the doctor. Another doctor in the practice confirmed that there was no longer a hernia. I concluded that addressing pain allowed his body to do as it was naturally designed to do—HEAL.

When I originally learned EFT, I was hesitant with whom I shared the knowledge. For one thing, if you’ve never seen it, it seems so very weird. Tap your face and body, and repeat phrases, and deeply and completely accept yourself and voila??? Alternative therapies were comfortable for me and I found it weird! What would others think? At first, I only shared with family and very close friends, but my whole life I had wished for a magic wand. I wanted to wave it to help other’s pain, and here I felt was the closest thing I’d ever find to it, to do just that. It wasn’t long before I just couldn’t help myself. Every success brought me more courage to share. Grateful and encouraging recipients created the desire to study and increase my skills.

I am not a doctor, so I do not diagnose, but I heard that one of the ladies I visit taught witnessed something truly traumatic. From what I heard, it seemed like she was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The first time I heard about it, that hesitancy to approach her got the best of me, but many months later, someone repeated again that she could barely function because of her sufferings. I finally took courage and went to see her. I told her what I heard and I told her I could offer her something that might help. Her desperation encouraged her to try anything, because she could not sleep at night or get the images she had seen from her mind. 

She had witnessed the aftermath of a suicide. Her heart often raced, she could not eat, and she could not walk in a particular place near her home because of the emotions and memories it recalled. There was never a day that went by nearly 10 months later that she did not experience severe emotional symptoms around this event.

I set up a time to see her. We spent an hour together. I found a way to gently help her process the emotions of the experience before she ever gave me any details. We spent 45 minutes just going after her current disturbed emotions that she titled “The Worst Thing I Ever Saw.” Then the big test. I asked that she tell me the story, stopping every few minutes at the more disturbing parts and asking her about those emotions. She felt no negative response. More story, more stops, more checking, more testing. Each time her answers indicated, there was NO emotional connection. At the end of an hour, she realized with great satisfaction, that all of the disturbing emotions she shared with me an hour before, were gone. I get choked up just writing about it. She suffered all this time, and within my scope of knowledge and learning was the answer she needed. She suffered many more months than necessary, and it gave me the greatest courage of all, to continue offering it as I felt led to do so.

A few weeks later I saw her at a ward Christmas party. We chatted for a while, and then I asked her if any remaining feelings about the disturbing experience remained. She looked confused, genuinely, and asked, “what experience?” I reminded her of the tapping we did together. She replied, “oh that, I never think of that anymore.” I was astounded that she went from never a day going by without having multiple negative emotions to seemingly barely remembering such an event even occurred! How grateful I was to be an instrument in her release from such a traumatizing event! Could the Savior heal her? ABSOLUTELY! Perhaps she needed the presence of someone in her life who cared. Perhaps I needed to be the presence in her life who cared, so that I could recognize there is work for me to do. I have talents and there are people the Lord wants me to touch. I don’t really know, but it gave me even more courage to move forward.

I could fill page after page after page of similar stories. Tapping for intrusive thoughts. Tapping for broken hearts. Tapping for physical pain and stress. Tapping for spiritual issues within my scope of help. I close with one more. This one means more to me than anyone else, because I needed the healing. 

My parents divorced when I was very young. My brother and I were reared by our father and not active in the church. Separated from my mother until I was 17, as a freshman at BYU, I decided to find her and see if we could build a relationship. She welcomed it, but it was not all smooth sailing. At the tender age of 19, after a big falling out, my mother took her own life, leaving behind a younger 11 year-old half-brother, whom I met only once in my life. Regret. Devastation. I was depressed for nearly a year. My happy college life became clouded. I blamed myself. I knew the promptings I didn’t follow. Every October and every mother’s day became a reminder of regret. The years did fade the trauma and I thought over time that I felt better about the whole thing. I had NO IDEA how deep that pain really lived. Until I went to an EFT training.

The warning was issued that we might be triggered. We were told how to handle it if it happened. Right in the middle of watching someone else clear their issues on stage, I was brought back to the day I heard of her death. I was brought back to my college apartment on the floor in a heap, screaming over her death, as my helpless roommates tried to figure out what to do with me. The same feelings of hate toward members of my family who I felt shared the blame were right there in my face. The guilt for not following strong promptings in the way only hindsight gives you, still hung in the air around me. Eighteen years later, it was as if I was just experiencing it. No, I did not feel better about the whole thing. The big scab over the experience was being ripped off in the most painful way. 

The available professionals helped me gain control of myself. I fortunately understood the importance of not letting this pain go another day. I did not know a single person in that Denver hotel that night, and so I became a client to myself. I found a way to act as the client. I also found a way to act as the practitioner. For 3 hours, I did for myself what I regularly did for anyone who asked. It was only a little more than a year since I was first introduced to the technique. By the time it was over, I felt released in a deep way that I did not realize was possible. From that day forward, I never felt the pain in the way I previously did. The pain was removed; hatred released; forgiveness for myself and others accomplished. I forgave my mother. I forgave God. 

Before this time, when the subject came up, I couldn’t speak of it with much control. From that day on, I easily could with little emotional attachment. I don’t relish the opportunity, but when it does come up, I can discuss it without having to clench every muscle in my body to prevent a meltdown. Emotional freedom. A gift!

I am in my eighth year of what I know is a life long journey. I am no longer afraid or concerned with what people think about this technique. I tap while I walk or run. I tap in my car. I tap in my shower. I tap when and where it is needed. Do I have friends who do not take advantage of what I offer? Yes. That is none of my business. Are there family members who have no interest? Yes. That is all right by me. Do some people roll their eyes at me? Probably. I can live with that. 

I learned years and years ago, probably decades now, that there is a mind body connection. I never understood that there was a mind, heart, body, spirit connection. EFT is only one of the tools I know to heal and to succeed. Mental creation, nutrition, exercise, supplements, rest are just a few others. There are a myriad of other “energy” techniques. Some I have used. Others I feel uncomfortable with. Each person has to use their discernment to investigate and consider whether it is of use.

I realized early on, that because people do not know how to heal, they carry burdens that prevent them from being the light in the world they are meant to be. I understood as I applied EFT to myself in one of hundreds of times, that I was God’s gift to the world. In turn, I believe everyone is God’s gift to the world. He sent us here with gifts, talents, and a purpose to discover. Mortality is a laboratory for us to take the challenges that create burdens in our natural walk through life, and experiment until we find what will help us to throw off those burdens. 

Here is my testimony and prescription for doing so. I know that focus on the Savior brings us peace when we carry great burdens, and that He guides us to the exact things we need to help us release our burdens. It may be a mental burden to conquer. It may be emotional hurts to conquer in our hearts. It may be physical symptoms within or beyond our control, possibly contributed to by our thoughts and emotions. It may be spiritual burdens that we cannot admit to or discover. 

I know since becoming involved in this work, that the scriptures support healing. There may be a method to which you are drawn. Seek out trusted, faithful practitioners of that method and ask for more information or training. Our faith and intentions determine where we end up. When we set an intention for good, if we hold to that intention, in spite of brief testing, we can accomplish what we set out to do. Ask, ask, ask. Expect to receive. Keep seeking. 

Prayerfully request the Lord’s will for you. Combine it with your righteous desires. I once had an unusual answer to a prayer of what I should pray for, “what do YOU want?” (I was seeking the healing of an injured kitty). Much pondering over that taught me that there is balance between the Lord’s will and our desires. Ask. If granted, you know it is within His will and desire for you. If it is not, assume there is something better, or something to learn. Similarly, if you feel uncomfortable, that may be a warning. It may also be that you simply need more information. It may be fear. Just because you feel good or bad about a particular thing, does not mean others will agree. May I suggest that differences of opinion are acceptable? You don’t need to convince anyone else. Just seek your own path while seeking His spirit.

Stay close to your covenants. Our righteous desires exist within us for a reason. I believe God plants them in us. We can gain insights and revelation by keeping the commandments and keeping and renewing our covenants. Every week we participate in ordinances. Outside of the Sabbath, the majority of us also live within a half-day or less drive to a temple. Use those blessing to your advantage. If you are what a friend of mine calls a “light worker,” it’s possible that you may be targeted with negativity to thwart your progress. That is why you need the added benefit and strength of commandments, prayer, scriptures, and covenant keeping. Filling my own soul with light better enables me to help those who need rescue from darkness. I believe the light of Christ works through these techniques, through the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, and with our gifts, to bless others.

I am grateful for the light and truth in the gospel: for the knowledge of Jesus Christ; for his example of love and healing; that he did not come to condemn us, but to save us; for the invitation to come unto Him to be healed and to be saved. I’m grateful for a loving supportive husband who not only backs me in everything I do, but takes up the slack so I can do it; that he sings my praises and cheers me on. I am grateful for patient children who let me experiment on them with how to direct and conquer their thoughts, how to heal their hearts, how to apply every manner of oil, herb, or tapping fingers for healthy bodies, how to open their spirits to their Heavenly Father and their Savior. I am grateful for Priesthood brethren in and out of my family, who lead by example, encourage with gentleness, respect my role as a woman, invite my input and participation, and offer their own worthy healing gifts. I am grateful for the inspiration found on my knees and in the pages of scripture. I am grateful for like-minded friends who teach me how to seek and find. I am grateful for a sisterhood who loves and embraces; the sisterhood in the Relief Society, and the sisterhood in those seeking a similar path as the one I choose. Lastly, I am thankful for good friends and great opportunities.

We are blessed to live in “such a time as this.”