HOW Burdens are Lifted

IAT = I am thankful

for an invitation
for study time
for listening ears
for kind friends
for a loving Savior

In the midst of a very busy week, I got a phone call from the teacher man. He said he was speaking at devotional this week and would I speak with him? I think I said yes before I asked the topic. It's a topic I love to learn about but usually feel woefully inadequate to convey how I really feel about it. The Atonement; which if you read through my blog, you'll see I've spoken and written of this subject often. In lessons, Stake Conference, ward talks, and just my own personal pondering. But this time, there was a new angle. My husband wanted to introduce me and some of the trials I've faced and then he wanted me to talk about HOW the atonement helped me get through all of it. Against my better judgment and the pressures of the week, mostly because he asked me, I love him, and I don't want him to be disappointed, I said yes. (Because I love him. See? It's circular)

I hung up the phone with the question hanging in the air. HOW does/did the atonement help me with my burdens? My first answer was, "I don't know! It just does." I'm not sure I've ever asked THAT particular question. The one I usually ask myself is WHY? With everything I've been through, WHY did I make it to where I am? How is it that many other people have been through similar things, and it's broken them? What made the difference for me? Why did I make the choices I did leading me to where I am? I just don't know. I do know, I'm eternally grateful for whatever it is I was given, that gave me the strength to do it.

Sometimes, when people do hear where I started, after they get over the shock that I did not grow up in a formerly "typical" LDS home, I get the awe. It's always a little uncomfortable inside to me. Because I don't tell it and I certainly didn't experience it to be held in awe. I understand it of course, on one level, because there are people I have felt that way about. It was in the middle of the writing of the talk though, that I realized how to feel about others and how I want others to feel about me when they hear my story. Look for this line in my talk.

Don’t be impressed with ME. Be impressed with the gifts of the atonement.

 I suppose that's what I'm really in awe of.

I began writing my talk. I think I read 100 talks to prepare. Ok, exaggerating is a strength of mine too. I will list all the talks I can remember that I read at the end of this blog post and put my talk over on the talk page, so this post won't be so long. Anyway, I began writing on Sunday. I stayed up very late, but wasn't quite finished. I knew when I went to bed it was the wrong talk. I was a little devastated because, I was starting into another busy week. I was exhausted and wasn't sure how I'd go about writing another, 24 hours before I would give it. So, I called hubby at work with my dilemma. He said, "I can give a talk with scriptures and quotes! I need you to talk to them like it's just you and them, sitting together like you would with your friend, and speak to them from the heart." So, I sat down and poured it out on paper. I am not really sure I answered the HOW question, but maybe I did.

It’s through the enabling power of the atonement that we can develop Christlike attributes.

That's HOW. We suffer as He did, and we gain a little understanding of Him. We become a little more like him. It strengthens us, if we let it, to go on. Then it starts again. It enables us to walk after Him.

So, teacher man began with a brief introduction of my story. A family. A beginning. A horrible going wrong of things. Divorce. Abuse. Kidnapping. Abuse, the loss of my mother. I don't focus on the details. I don't think it accomplishes anything. Then I stand to tell my story. I'm not a great speaker. I'm a decent teacher when I know the subject and I let go. Speaking, however, still requires me to rely on my written word. So, I am sure the presentation was average, but I hope those who were listening with their hearts felt what I intended. I had prayed fervently that those who needed to be there who COULD be touched and might need a lift, would be there. So, that's the story. You can read the talk here.   

Here are some of the talks I read to prepare. I think my favorite is Elder Bednar's That We Might Not Shrink.

That We Might Not Shrink
None Were With Him
Broken Things to Mend
In the Strength of the Lord
Apply the Atoning Blood of Christ
The Atonement Our Greatest Hope
Personal Strength Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ 
Is Faith in the Atonement of Jesus Christ Written in Our Hearts?
Believing Christ A Practical Approach
And see the book, The Infinite Atonement, by Tad R Calister. LIFE CHANGING.

And I reread my thoughts on Abigail, which you can find by searching Abigail in the search box.

Del Norte, Colorado Branch

IAT = I am thankful

So a few weeks ago when we were in Colorado for Labor Day, we decided to go to Sacrament meeting in Del Norte, Co.. I specifically remember walking in the doors of this little building thinking, I'm grateful to have a place wherever I am to drop my burdens and leave them behind.

Such a neat little branch. It was the first Sunday of the month so it was fast and testimony day. The meeting started with a hymn and both the Teacher Man and I noticed the enthusiasm of the chorister. She brought joy to the congregation as she led the hymn. It was the most awesome chorister I've ever seen and we both felt compelled to talk to her after. My teacher man doesn't usually feel compelled to do things like that because he's so private. THAT'S how enthusiastic she was! She had joy on her face and she was leading with vigor and you could just tell she HAD A TESTIMONY of what we were singing. AWESOME!!!

The bishop got up and shared his testimony about a newly returned missionary in their home and a wedding. There were testimonies about the youth temple trip. I was impressed that MOSTLY adults got up and shared because a lot of times all the little children are setting the example. It was a wonderful meeting in that little branch and it gave me great comfort to know that like minded people are meeting every week around the world in service, and joy, and testimony, and strength. I love it!

There were men blessing the sacrament and it may have been the most meaningful I've ever heard the prayers given. It truly touched my heart! I felt so grateful for the sacrament and what it means.

I'm so glad we went. We try if there is a church anywhere near to go at least to Sacrament meeting. I've finally reached the point in my life where I truly realize the value of partaking of the sacrament. I want to be cleansed and sanctified each week, even if it's just a little branch in Del Norte, Co.

We also had a wonderful devotional back home with our P---ston family. We discussed the meaning of John 7: 38. "He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water." What a blessing it is to have access to living water through our belief on Him!

Complete Trust

IAT = I am thankful

family, getaways, cousins, new adventures, cool weather

 

Preparedness has become a theme in my life the last 18 months. I've been in a process. It's more than having 72 hour kits or emergency supplies. It's a constant inventory of where I am, where I should be, where I want to be, and where I am going. Physical inventories have become much less important than internal inventories. So, I have tried to ask good questions, listen, and act on what I hear. I won't share what that personal journey looks like in this post because I think I have mentioned pieces of it in other posts. If not, oh well. I know my journey and the steps I have been taking. :-) You are able to seek and find a similar journey that is personal to just you. That's the really cool think about Divine Inspiration.

I was thinking last week about where I am in my journey and where I am going and how it aligns with my goals. The question came to mind, what more should I do? Is there anything else needed in my preparing? So I prayed about it. I had a kind of what lack I yet moment? The beauty of that is, even though the rich young man was told to sell all he had, that doesn't mean all of us need to do that. That was a custom answer for a custom question. Anyone who asks the question can get a custom answer. See the excellent talk by Elder Lawrence. 

So for a few days in a row, I was praying what else I needed to be prepared for anything that comes, whether it's the unexpected blows life can deliver or the eventual return of the King of Heaven and Earth. Then I went to the temple. I noticed the word prepare. Something I'd heard dozens of times but never stood out before. It occurred to me, Anyone who has such a Wondrous Plan prepared for us is most definitely the King of preparedness. That was my thought. "God is the King of preparedness." As that thought turned around in my head, another thought came. It felt like the Spirit to me and it was in the form of a question.

"What if you had nothing?"What? "What if you lost everything, what if you have nothing?" What came naturally out of me was, well if I have nothing I still have YOU. THAT was a great comfort! Job was certainly faced with that circumstance. I HOPE I am not. I kept thinking about it though.

Since I finished reading the Book of Mormon this week, the theme that seems to have been there for me throughout this time, was there even at the end. I realized as I began reading and I was still the Gospel Doctrine teacher, that there was a theme of preparedness in the Book of Mormon. I wrote about it here, but the gist of it is that God will always provide a way for us and prepare a way for us ahead of our need. We only need to follow Him and keep His commandments.

Friday we were driving to Colorado for the weekend, and I shared my experience with the Teacher Man. He brought up the calming of the wind and waves in Mark 4, which led to an interesting discussion. Without telling the story, we discussed several points. Some of those disciples with him (probably his apostles, the twelve), were seasoned fishermen. They knew storms and danger and being on the waters. The waves filled the boat and they were concerned they might perish. When they woke Jesus and shared their concerns with him, His response was interesting. Why are you afraid? Why don't you have faith?

These disciples had what they likely considered EVIDENCE; a storm, raging winds, a boat filled with water, and yet, humanly, they feared. But Christ knew that there was nothing to fear and their faith should be placed in Him. 

What a lesson for me that went right along with what I was pondering. I may have storms raging around me, winds blowing, a boat filling with water, EVIDENCE that I am sinking. What should my response be? I think I am to understand that just because I have evidence, it doesn't mean it is true in the sense that I am perishing or that He doesn't care that I THINK I am perishing. I think it means I can absolutely trust in Him in any circumstance and have faith in Him, that He is there for me, that He has already provided for me and that a way has been prepared. If I keep His commandments, and I live faithful in every situation, He will give me all the blessings He has promised.

If I ultimately face the end of my days on Earth,  as the disciples feared before Jesus calmed the storm and their hearts, my hope is that I WILL BE so centered in Christ and so trusting of my Father and His greatest plan, that I can go confidently home to Him and rest in His promises. 

Because, He can do this:

I can live so to receive it.  Being calm and trusting my all to His tender care, that is my fondest hope.