Ties that BIND

IAT = I am thankful

So thankful I can learn from my children.
I am thankful for their safety and health.
I am thankful for rental cars. 
I am thankful for body shops.
I am thankful for lessons learned.

This boy has set aside two years of his life. To go away from home, to spend time studying the words of God and Christ, and sharing them with others. Inviting them to try the word for themselves and see if it produces a change in them. I get to speak to him twice a year. And not that I'm counting but the next conversation is 35 days. Then on Mother's Day. Only next year, he'll be home for Mother's Day. HOORAY!!! Besides that, we get one email a week.

I let him know what's happening with us (and so much has changed for him when he returns, in our world) and he reports his successes, frustrations (rare), and what he has learned. This week he shared this. I know I should have asked permission, but it really got my head thinking, and I think if it helps someone, even if it's just me, he'll be happy I did.

"Over the past week I've been thinking of the hard things that I've been faced with in my life and how I've reacted to them. I think about before my mission and the challenges I faced and I realized that most of the hard things were things I brought on myself. And the reason why they were so hard is because I didn't turn it over to God for help. I tried doing things my way and on my own. So all the stress and guilt and anxiety I had was because I was letting myself be bound by that. And Satan sure loved it. he loves it when we are miserable and bound in sin. The only thing that will release us, is US choosing Christ. That is THE ONLY WAY."

It's a recurring theme in my personal studies of about the last 7 years. WE choose. We have the power. WE determine our circumstances. We can be bound by sin, or our choices, or our addictions, or our emotions, or our thoughts, or our habits, or, or, or. But in the end HE has given US the ability to choose. And sometimes it's very hard, but that is when we can turn to Him.

My faith is very personal. And as much as I'd love everyone to share it with me, I hold it close. I would not wish to offend or to invite unwanted criticism, but there is a scripture that came to mind from the Book of Mormon and another from the Pearl of Great Price.

• 2 Nephi 26:22

  22 And there are also secret combinations, even as in times of old, according to the combinations of the devil, for he is the founder of all these things; yea, the founder of murder, and works of darkness; yea, and he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.

A flaxen cord is really not all that large or strong if tied around once. But when we allow ourselves to be taken in, the cord is wrapped round again. Each time is like another round wrapped. Until pretty soon, we no longer have the ability to break that cord. For change, we'll really need extra help. But, when we find ourselves bound by "strong cords," we have a tendency to dismiss the possibility of change or help. "I'm too far gone. I can't get back. I can never be forgiven." And that is exactly where Satan wants us.

• Moses 7:26

  26 And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced.
  

 he rejoices when any of us is lost to the knowledge of our real identity. Sons and daughters of God. Yes, we've all sinned and fallen short. But, the mercy and merits of Him who is might to save are there for us. Grace is omnipotent. BUT WE HAVE TO CHOOSE IT.

Which brings me to a little experience I had today right after I read and pondered over these words. Ok, I was IN the experience when I read them. Our vehicle was in a fender bender a few weeks ago. I finally got around to taking it in this morning. And then I went to pick up the rental car I reserved 3 days ago. Only it wasn't ready. It was getting the oil changed and they'd deliver it in an hour. Deep breath, mechanic took me to work. All is well. Until about an hour before I was finished. Hey, where's "my car?" I called and found out I would not get it until 1, 30 minutes AFTER I was off work, and the oil change was just a story. I was pretty upset. Can you FEEL my PAIN???

We had confirmed the day before it was available. I reserved it 3 days before. I know I said that already. I'm making my sad little stupid point. And they were messing with my day!!! I complained to the head company. I mean it really was a travesty. All first world problemy and all. And then I realized.

I am binding myself with my negative emotions....

Pause.

Really?

 

DUMB!

So, I decided to change in that moment. I wondered if I let go of the emotion, if the outcome would change. I realized in that moment, that the person bringing back the car at 1, COULD bring it earlier. (And before my change of heart I just KNEW they'd bring it at 1, and then it would have to be washed and vacuumed and refueled and it wouldn't be until 1:30) I realized my staying later at work could help someone else. I realized I was being a first class A1 fathead! So, I said a little repentant prayer and then I simply requested that if it was no big deal, I'd still get the car by 12:30 when I got off work. And that if it didn't work out, I'd happily stay put or come up with a new solution. I always have plenty to do at work. And then I went back to my tasks at hand.

About 15 minutes later I got a call from the gal who answered when I asked where my car was, earlier. She said the car had just been dropped of (12:20), that she would personally vacuum it herself and gas it up and get it to me in just a few minutes. My jaw dropped. I knew that would mean I'd have it shortly after 12:30. At the same time, one of my coworkers texted me and said she was running late and could I cover for just a few minutes. She arrived a little after 12:30 and about 5 minutes later, my car did too.

I felt very, VERY humbled. How important was my prayer? In the grand scheme of things, not very! But sometimes I think our prayers get answered simply to get our attention. I think my answer of a car delivered on time, albeit 4 hours late, was more to teach me, that I was throwing a first class fit, and my change of heart was much more important than the answer to my prayer.

I chose to change my heart. I'm thankful I realized it needed changing. I'm thinking it wasn't me that did that. I think it was the Spirit nudging me, and the pondering from the words of my missionary son. I hope I can remember to remain humble. To not sweat the small stuff. And to simply go with the flow. I was fortunate that I really did not have too much pressing going on today until after school when the insanity hour begins. And all is well that ended well.

I don't want to be bound by my choices. I want to be free.

My About to be Newly Divorced Young Friends

IAT = I am thankful

that I haven't followed every impulse.
that unhappiness is not lasting.
that there are answers to every problem when you are willing.
that I am married to a very patient man.
that we have lasted this long. (25 and counting)

(This is written from an LDS perspective)

A friend called me a few days ago, with some bad news. Her daughter is getting a divorce. Saddest news ever. Well, why I wanted to know? Pornography addiction, infidelity, substance abuse, physical abuse? The reason doesn't matter. But let's just say we were both heartbroken, because the reasons seemed like maybe they were fixable. I've known this friend a very long time. I watched her little girl grow up from a distance. I was lucky living so far apart to have been coincidentally able to attend her wedding. A beautiful bride, a beautiful groom, full of promise. Just less than 2 years later, they are a family, with a baby. Did I say heartbreaking?

So, my friend asked me. What advice would you give? What advice would *I* give? I'm not a shrink or a counselor. But I've been married. I'm still married 25 years later. What works? Why are we still together? Well, I keep thinking about what the officiator said at this young couple's wedding.  After they had made their COVENANTS (before God, angels, and witnesses), he had them stand in front of the eternity mirrors. It would look something like this only with a couple in white in it. A mirror in front, a mirror behind, gives the impression of eternity.

If you look at yourself, you can't really see your partner. You have to focus on your partner to really get a good glimpse of eternity. That's my take on it. And the advice was given that the focus needs to be on the other. That now, this partner you've CHOSEN become the most important focus in your life behind God. That right there would solve a multitude of problems.

Advice I heard at another wedding. There is no more ME. There is only WE. So, what would I say? Here's what I'd say to a couple that is getting married and hoping to stay that way.

***Pray. Pray daily, often, all the time. For the other, for your family, for your marriage. Humble yourselves and pray. Alone, together, as a family. Pray.

***Read scriptures together or talk about inspiring uplifting ways to be better. 

***If married in the temple, return their often together. Keep your covenants. Feel that peace. Renew your covenants. If not, try to get there. There is no peace anywhere, like there. Do I understand it all? No. But it makes me want to be more Christ centered. To think of me less. To think of others more. Go to the temple. If not of our faith, go to church, often, together, seek God, seek Christ, build the marriage on faith.

***Remember you have made covenants. Marriage is not something to ENTER lightly or leave lightly. A covenant makes a marriage more than between two people. It's a partnership between a couple and God. Yes, there are legitimate reasons for divorce, and that must be taken via number 1. Prayer. But by and large the ME/WE advice prevents a lot of problems. Elder Jeffrey R Holland compares the marriage covenant to the Sacrament.

***Got problems? Welcome to marriage. It's not always a cake walk! Even with the most perfect spouse (sorry girls, he's mine) there are difficulties. Learning HOW to love each other. Learning how to please each other. Learning how to KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, when you really want to let the "little member" start burning the place up (James 3:5). Especially in the moment of anger. I am telling you zip it. When you are feeling a bit more stable and peaceful, you can then address a real problem instead of saying something you don't mean in anger.

***Don't go to bed angry. Do go to bed angry. Huh? Yes, I know everyone says, don't go to bed angry. Those are usually people who are better able to curb their anger than a portion of the population. I have found there are times (NO I'm not one of those better able), when it is better to go to bed feeling however you are feeling, keeping your mouth shut, and in the morning when things look fresh and you are rested, you can take up a discussion instead of a fight.

***CLEAVE. LEAVE. DON'T live with mom and dad. Try not to live too near mom and dad unless you can guarantee they won't be checking your medicine cabinet for birth control. Yes, I know a couple who's mother did that!!! It will be so much easier to talk to each other when mom and dad aren't so close to complain to. I know cell phones and computers narrow that gap easily, but your troubles need to stay between you. Work them out. If you can't figure out how to make this work, good luck with most of the rest of your relationships.

***Don't try to fix your partner. You can only fix you. I was very surprised to find out that half the time I've had a problem with HIM, the problem has been me. Ok, fairness. More than half the time. If you really want to rock your world and your ability to solve problems, read some books. Here are some starters.

The 5 Love Languages
As a Man Thinketh
Leadership and Self-Deception (but only if you want to discover YOURS)
Loving What Is
The Peacegiver

That should keep you busy. And by the way, no matter what flaws your spouse has, you have them too. Who can you fix? YOU! That would be my advice.