to be a mother.
for my 7 wonderful children.
for the man that gave me that gift.
for a mother waiting for me in heaven, where all wrongs will be righted.
for the doctrine of the role of mothers.
In the beginning, (Genesis 3) we read that Adam called his wife Eve, "because she was the mother of all living." I find that interesting because, it's not until chapter 4 AFTER THE FALL, that Adam "knows" his wife Eve in the biblical sense, and she conceives and begins bearing children. Eve's name in Hebrew means, to breathe, or life-giver/nurturer. I liked this article about it.
I LOVE the idea completely, that Adam declared Eve the mother of all living before there was even a twinkle in her eye for her children. Eve was the literal hope of all mankind. She had the consequential task of being the very first mother of the first children who would become the family of us all, combined throughout history and humanity. It's amazing and humbling to consider. I wonder if she did.
I believe that also means for each of us, whether we have become mothers, or are yet to become mothers, that we can breathe life into places and things that didn't exist. We can give life to those in need, and we can help nurture our children, family members, strangers, and beyond. Had I not had many mothers willing to nurture and breathe life into me, I would not have succeeded myself as a mother. I love the Doctrine of Motherhood.
I just have to love Sherri Dew's coverage of the subject as well. I love it even more after hearing her tell the story of how she received the assignment to speak in conference, how the Spirit directed her topic, and how she struggled with it, not having been given that blessing in her life.
Those of you who have read my blog, or know me, know that I did not have the lifelong gift of a mother. In fact, of the 19 years I had a mother, I only "had" her as my mother for 5 years. So, when I embarked on the motherhood trail, I was woefully unprepared. As I mentioned before, it was other loving mothers, mostly of my closest friends and family, that reached out, pulled me in, and loved me through some painful times.
I cursed myself, when as a young college student at BYU, I saw many little families with stair step children. It wasn't uncommon to see a flock of little ones behind a pregnant mommy. "*I* will never have so many children so close together!" I cried judgmentally. Only a few years later *I* had 4 darling little boys in 5 years!!! Yes, I felt the sting of my previous thought. (YES, I KNOW what causes THAT!)
Those early years felt a bit like a train wreck to me. I am sure I am harder on myself than needful, but most of the time I felt like I was in a canoe with one oar and only allowed to row on one side. I dealt with a lot of anger from my own childhood. The stresses and demands of all those little boys alternately made me feel depressed or crazy. It was HARD. No one told me it would be so hard!!! Only they did. I just didn't choose to hear it.
But it was also fun. There were moments I thought my heart would burst from joy. There were times I wanted to lock myself in a closet and not come out, or flee from the house and drive into the desert to pray. Sometimes I felt completely out of control. Others I knew such peace that it was staggering.
But, just because I became a mother on April 15, 1989, did not mean I WAS a mother yet. Just as Eve was not yet a mother physically, becoming a mother physically does not necessarily make you a good one. I know several women who have not had children but obviously have that mother heart. My husband has been an excellent example to me of strength AND nurturing.
I went on to have 5 boys and 2 girls, and one unknown. I admit, I was in love with mothering babies. I loved welcoming a new little person into our home and holding that sweet little infant for hours. No, I didn't love every minute and was exhausted for years, but HOW I loved those little sweet ones! Here are a few of my mothering moments that are probably similar to yours.
Mommy Math: I figure conservatively I have done close to 6000 loads of laundry, changed over 30,000 diapers, washed 3000 loads of dishes, and spent close to 31,000 hours in the kitchen. Somewhere in all of that domestic delight, I became a mother.
We've had broken bones, stitches, childhood diseases, sleepless nights in hospitals, and illness on several holidays. There have been fevers and vomit and snotty noses and diaper blow outs that took two people to maneuver. We've had sports of nearly every kind. Basketball that never stopped (one week there were 17 games). Scouts!!!! And more scouts and more scouts. Can anyone say Pinewood derby? There have been plays and primary programs and graduations at all levels and concerts and field trips.
We've had giggle fests and tickle fights and family vacations (are we there yet?) and eating competitions. We've had hurt feelings and holes (Joboseph) in doors and walls (Mr GQ) and broken windows and pestering (Mish 4) until the mother nearly lost her mind. We've put band aids on knees and soothed broken hearts and found peace in the midst of fights and asked for forgiveness. We've learned about Christ together and strengthened our faith together and worshiped with friends and family and felt the love of God through it all. We've celebrated successes and shared tears and laughed till we cried and become a family.
Through those many years and times together, somewhere in the midst of it all, my unpreparedness shifted to experiences learned. My lack of experience became knowledge gained. My horrible failures became learning lessons. My desire to become a good mother, was often fed by reading many, many books often at once, and applying what I had learned.
What's the greatest thing I've learned in my becoming? THAT THE MOST IMPORTANT ROLE IN THE WORLD is MOTHERHOOD. And THE MOST IMPORTANT PLACE IN THE WORLD is HOME.
For all the young mothers struggling to get through the piles of towels and tears, know that the greatest lie ever told is this. "What I'm doing (changing diapers, wiping noses, loads of laundry) doesn't matter." It does matter. BEing THERE is the greatest thing that matters. Exactly like an investment, you put the effort in for years without seeing much, and then one day the dividends start coming in. They get bigger, and Bigger, and BIGGER, until the day you realize that all those years of putting in with nothing in return, were the greatest years ever because of the return you are now getting on that investment.
This is long enough. Happy Mother's Day. It's about BECOMING.
my previous posts on motherhood
If you like this post, please share or comment.
No comments:
Post a Comment