My Healing Journey

I was recently asked to contribute a chapter to a book on LDS healing arts. This is what I wrote. I don't know if anything or what will come from it. But this is my story with EFT.

Nearly eight years ago, I found a book on my bookshelf. My grandmother gave it to my father and somehow it landed on my book shelf. She wrote in the cover as a gift to him. “To my loving son. Read this, ponder every sentence. It’s a beautiful education. Love, Mother.” I wanted to know why he should ponder every sentence. I found out! The book’s title; As a Man Thinketh. I didn’t know that day, as I curled up on the couch to read it, how profoundly it would change me. This book, created a shift within and still takes me places I did not know I’d travel.  

"MAN'S mind may be likened to a garden, which may be intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.”

“Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds, and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and  fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts."

At the time, personal concerns in my marriage, consumed me. I finally realized I created them in my own mind. Is my marriage perfect? Of course not. Am I married to a righteous man, who was also a loving husband and father? Yes I am. But the raging battle within me brought me much unhappiness. Enter the second book. 

My husband teaches seminary and institute. That summer for an upcoming leadership training we read the book, Leadership and Self-Deception. It made me mad! I wanted to blame the problems “we” (I) had, on him, but instead I realized that by blaming, I put myself in a box and objectified him so I could be right. Not helpful! I was so angry, but it was so true.

Around this same time, I saw references in various places to a technique called EFT or tapping. EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. I kept reading these amazing stories about this technique that frankly seemed unbelievable. Very open to alternative practices and natural health in general, I found myself skeptical. After reading Carol Tuttle’s book, Remembering Wholeness, and seeing other references, I finally went online and looked it up. Little did I know, my search for something to help me heal from the emotional turmoil over past hurts and traumas as a child and into young womanhood, was about to end.

I found a newsletter, lots of amazing stories, and hope. A generous offer on the site for DVD training, cost me only $150. My life has never been the same! Nor the lives of hundreds of other people I know and help. 

I seemed to learn step by step in a methodical way. My first experiences were physical healings through the proper use of EFT that I could not explain. Then I saw specific connections to physical and emotional symptoms. Next, tremendously emotionally charged experiences melted away. Then, a connection with emotions and spiritual issues as I intuitively combined “tapping” and praying together when needed. For myself I saw how spiritual issues could be healed more easily when faith is combined with this technique. If faith and fear cannot co-exist, then wouldn’t it help to resolve fears and worries with a simple technique so that your natural response is faith? EFT can and does do that.

In the beginning weeks, paradigm changing experiences so unsettled me that I spent a lot of time pondering, searching the scriptures, and talking to my husband, the new bishop of our ward. After much thought and prayer, I came to agree with my husband’s opinion, that this is simply another tool given to us by our Heavenly Father in our day to help. I could go to a doctor. I could go to a chiropractor. I could take prescriptions. I could seek herbal or nutritional healing. I could use this EFT to make a difference.

After that, I was all in. I began using EFT regularly with my own family. A healed hernia. An unexplained shoulder injury resolved and connected to an embarrassing experience with a friend, which led me to  seek forgiveness. Headaches and other pains resolved. My own emotional wounds began healing one by one. I resolved through prayer and tapping, which EFT is often called, the pain and trauma of my mother’s suicide. I also resolved my emotional hurt over abuses from family and strangers. Finally, I came to a very happy place in my marriage as the weight and burden of many emotional issues lifted. I even saw breast cancer risks that I was having measured every year and getting progressively worse, begin to reverse and improve.

Then the circle began to grow. Friends with traumas soon released those traumas. Unresolved physical pain resolved temporarily or permanently. Some conquered addictions. As my heart filled with joy at my own successes and the successes of others, my relationships strengthened, and I finally saw meaning in promises given in my patriarchal blessing that I never understood before. I would be able to use the gifts and talents that were mine, to help others progress in our Heavenly Father’s kingdom.

Because I feared being led astray, and I received a promise never to be led away by any outside force, I desired increased study in support of the actions I chose. As I sought truth, I could not find anything in the scriptures that cause me concern in regard to natural healing or EFT. 

I discovered through my years of reading piles of books and websites and teachers, that healing occurs on many levels. I believe they include: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and priesthood. Because I am a woman, I can rely on and suggest priesthood blessings to others, but I cannot offer them myself. So, on the occasion I need a priesthood blessing, or someone else does, of course I suggest that. While total healing on every level can come from a priesthood blessing, generally speaking, addressing healing on each of the other levels as well allows us to achieve all we can with the individual gifts we share.

Going back to As a Man Thinketh, we must address the thoughts in our heads that sabotage our lives. Mr. Allen also said, "Tell me what that is upon which you most frequently and intensely think, that to which, in your silent hours, your soul most naturally turns, and I will tell you to what place of pain or peace you are traveling, and whether you are growing into the likeness of the divine or the bestial." This reminds me a lot of President McKay’s statement, “You tell me what you think about when you do not have to think, and I’ll tell you what you are.” Our thoughts can and must change from negative to positive and multiple conference talks mention this. Mr. Allen is mentioned in Conference by Elder Wirthlin and Elder Perry. President Kimball also quoted him in The Miracle of Forgiveness.

Our hearts are a tricky thing. Our hearts “think.” See many references in the scriptures that speak of the “thoughts and intents of our hearts.” We think of the heart as the center of emotions. We can really get stuck in our emotions; in anger, frustration, hate, unforgiveness, pain, and hurt. What a discovery to realize that our emotions can get trapped in our bodies and cause physical symptoms. The brain, the heart, and neuroreceptors throughout the body connect our thoughts and emotions. (Read Molecules of Emotion, by Candace Pert) If we can quickly resolve the emotional hurts, the physical symptoms connected simply give way. It’s amazing how many emotional hurts can be discovered, and how easily they can be peeled back to find the true joy within us waiting to bubble up and overflow. If we can be hurt or damaged in a few moments, why can’t we also heal in a few moments? With the many healing tools we possess in this day and age, we can!

Physical symptoms are the easiest ones to identify. We notice our pains and limitations usually right away or when they reach a point of discomfort uncomfortable enough for us to take action. I find that our bodies often voice our emotions. It is amazing that if you just ponder the part affected and what it could say, the answers you get. For example, you discover a shoulder injury or pain, and you ask yourself or your shoulder what burden may be there (do we not “shoulder” burdens?) What answer comes? Then choose any number of techniques or healing processes to resolve the answers that you receive. Alternatively, if major issues arise with your feet, you could again ask yourself or your feet questions like; what path am I avoiding? What is keeping me from stepping forward? If we seek the Spirit when we ask these questions, the answers are often revelatory. Two books I found tremendously helpful to gain insights into the language of our bodies, are Feelings Buried Alive Never Die, by Karol Truman, and You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise Hay. The second book, not written by a member of our faith, nevertheless contains truth.

Finally, spiritual issues such as selfishness, resentment, greed, pride, guilt, and more, weigh us down, preventing us from the true potential our Heavenly Father gives us. It is natural to want to hang on to negative emotions and justify the way we feel or act. Our Heavenly Father knows that these are opportunities for growth and to become more like our Savior and to “receive his image in your countenance.” As we eliminate negative emotions one by one, and choose spiritual traits to replace them, we find the peace that passes all understanding. 

By methodically choosing to change and grow by healing on every level, we can reach a level of self-confidence that is available to all but sought by only a few. You can completely change your life with the help of your Heavenly Father, your Savior, your own gifts, and new healing technologies. I believe that our bodies respond to any attempts to improve. In many instances, “incurable” diseases easily heal when we seek it on every level; mental, emotional, physical, spiritual, and with the added strength of the priesthood.

Ultimately our bodies are designed to heal. Cuts and bruises resolve with little attention. I don’t classify myself as a healer because it is the body, and the Great Physician who does the healing. There is truth in every religion and much healing truth in every culture and tradition. There are also falsehoods in some cultures, religions, and traditions, so it is important to use discernment when looking at the many techniques available. We can implement these truths into our lives and hearts. If we seek the Spirit and do not violate scriptural or prophetic warnings, we may experience healing unknown to us before. The Savior himself said, “Verily, verily, I say unto you, He that believeth on me, the works that I do shall he do also; and greater works than these shall he do; because I go unto my Father.” I can’t begin to comprehend all that means, or how it relates to me, but it humbles me to consider it at all.

I consider myself fortunate that Priesthood leaders don’t seem to take any interest in what I teach. I often teach a local class where a few to 20 people gather to hear my free introductory class. This class usually covers stress management, pain management, controlling cravings, and negative emotions. Two experiences led me to seek answers because of others with a criticism of EFT. The first came from my oldest son returning from a mission. There was a ward mission leader who used EFT but questioned its use for improper purposes in removing guilt. Certainly any good thing can be perverted and used for evil purposes. EFT is not exempt from this. 

I believe two types of guilt exist. The first is the “godly sorrow” that leads to repentance and the turning of our hearts back to our Heavenly Father. There are no short cuts around this. If someone came to me trying to remove guilt for sin committed, I would ask them a few questions. If I felt they were trying to go around the repentance process, I would encourage them to counsel with their bishop or pastor if of another faith. I would then invite them to come back to me if they could not forgive themselves after attempting healing from a spiritual perspective. If they repented, but became stuck in unforgiveness, as many people do, then I would help them apply EFT to remove guilt where they clearly repented and were forgiven.

The other form of guilt is not really guilt, but regret. “I feel so guilty because I did not read to my young children. I feel so guilty because I wasn’t there for my family member when they needed me most. I feel guilty because my friend died before I could mend our friendship.” In these cases, there may not be any real sin. Likely more folly than anything, we beat ourselves up with regret of a situation and sometimes let it consume us. This is actually a wonderful use of EFT. Satan would love for us to believe we are too flawed, too imperfect, too unworthy to truly deserve the freedom from guilt from simple mistakes. That guilt becomes a burden that keeps us from shining our lights. We do not need to keep carrying that burden. Both types of guilt can be lifted through the atonement of Jesus Christ. Any lingering doubts, fears, guilt can be released with EFT.

The second challenge came from a local health practitioner in my area. I went in for my own care, and during the office visit I asked him if he knew of EFT. He said yes, and he expressed some misgivings because he felt like EFT could too easily release people of burdens which they should bring to the Savior. Though I did not reply, I giggled silently, because I thought, “Yes! We can be easily released from our burdens.” I hope everyone brings their burdens to the Savior, but even when we do, the conditions of mortality often block our ability to accept what He offers. I could say just as easily to him, “Well then you should certainly close your practice, because of course we should take our health burdens to the Savior, and you prevent people from doing that.” 

When we read stories of healing by the Savior in the scriptures, it is usually done quickly and easily. I find it interesting that the Savior used a variety of methods to heal. To some he simply spoke the words, “be healed.” To yet others, he touched or laid hands on or took by the hand. In 3 cases, he used spit in combination with other things, to bring about healing. To at least one, he forgave his sins. Some were instructed to wash. And we know at least one, who touched him and was healed. So, why is it today, that we expect healing to follow one specific way, or only specially approved ways? We live in a time where everything is available to us more quickly than ever before. Why couldn’t the Lord give us techniques to help us heal more quickly than ever before, in a time when we can’t be burned at the stake for it? What a blessing! 

I want to share just a few of my greatest experiences with EFT. The first one with my own son, kept him from having surgery. In Junior High, he suffered from hernia pain for some time, when he came to me sheepishly explaining the pain. I took him to the doctor, because this was something I did not know what to do with. An inguinal hernia was confirmed. After several more days of his complaints, I offered to try this “new thing” I learned to see if he could find any relief. We were both astonished when after 5 short rounds of tapping, he miraculously declared, “Mom, how did you do that? I felt the pain leave my body!” Hmm. I could not explain it. After pestering him every day for a week to see if the pain returned, he finally assured me there was no pain and invited me to leave him alone. As I mulled over the question of what in the world happened, I realized a couple of weeks later, I needed to take him back to the doctor. Another doctor in the practice confirmed that there was no longer a hernia. I concluded that addressing pain allowed his body to do as it was naturally designed to do—HEAL.

When I originally learned EFT, I was hesitant with whom I shared the knowledge. For one thing, if you’ve never seen it, it seems so very weird. Tap your face and body, and repeat phrases, and deeply and completely accept yourself and voila??? Alternative therapies were comfortable for me and I found it weird! What would others think? At first, I only shared with family and very close friends, but my whole life I had wished for a magic wand. I wanted to wave it to help other’s pain, and here I felt was the closest thing I’d ever find to it, to do just that. It wasn’t long before I just couldn’t help myself. Every success brought me more courage to share. Grateful and encouraging recipients created the desire to study and increase my skills.

I am not a doctor, so I do not diagnose, but I heard that one of the ladies I visit taught witnessed something truly traumatic. From what I heard, it seemed like she was suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. The first time I heard about it, that hesitancy to approach her got the best of me, but many months later, someone repeated again that she could barely function because of her sufferings. I finally took courage and went to see her. I told her what I heard and I told her I could offer her something that might help. Her desperation encouraged her to try anything, because she could not sleep at night or get the images she had seen from her mind. 

She had witnessed the aftermath of a suicide. Her heart often raced, she could not eat, and she could not walk in a particular place near her home because of the emotions and memories it recalled. There was never a day that went by nearly 10 months later that she did not experience severe emotional symptoms around this event.

I set up a time to see her. We spent an hour together. I found a way to gently help her process the emotions of the experience before she ever gave me any details. We spent 45 minutes just going after her current disturbed emotions that she titled “The Worst Thing I Ever Saw.” Then the big test. I asked that she tell me the story, stopping every few minutes at the more disturbing parts and asking her about those emotions. She felt no negative response. More story, more stops, more checking, more testing. Each time her answers indicated, there was NO emotional connection. At the end of an hour, she realized with great satisfaction, that all of the disturbing emotions she shared with me an hour before, were gone. I get choked up just writing about it. She suffered all this time, and within my scope of knowledge and learning was the answer she needed. She suffered many more months than necessary, and it gave me the greatest courage of all, to continue offering it as I felt led to do so.

A few weeks later I saw her at a ward Christmas party. We chatted for a while, and then I asked her if any remaining feelings about the disturbing experience remained. She looked confused, genuinely, and asked, “what experience?” I reminded her of the tapping we did together. She replied, “oh that, I never think of that anymore.” I was astounded that she went from never a day going by without having multiple negative emotions to seemingly barely remembering such an event even occurred! How grateful I was to be an instrument in her release from such a traumatizing event! Could the Savior heal her? ABSOLUTELY! Perhaps she needed the presence of someone in her life who cared. Perhaps I needed to be the presence in her life who cared, so that I could recognize there is work for me to do. I have talents and there are people the Lord wants me to touch. I don’t really know, but it gave me even more courage to move forward.

I could fill page after page after page of similar stories. Tapping for intrusive thoughts. Tapping for broken hearts. Tapping for physical pain and stress. Tapping for spiritual issues within my scope of help. I close with one more. This one means more to me than anyone else, because I needed the healing. 

My parents divorced when I was very young. My brother and I were reared by our father and not active in the church. Separated from my mother until I was 17, as a freshman at BYU, I decided to find her and see if we could build a relationship. She welcomed it, but it was not all smooth sailing. At the tender age of 19, after a big falling out, my mother took her own life, leaving behind a younger 11 year-old half-brother, whom I met only once in my life. Regret. Devastation. I was depressed for nearly a year. My happy college life became clouded. I blamed myself. I knew the promptings I didn’t follow. Every October and every mother’s day became a reminder of regret. The years did fade the trauma and I thought over time that I felt better about the whole thing. I had NO IDEA how deep that pain really lived. Until I went to an EFT training.

The warning was issued that we might be triggered. We were told how to handle it if it happened. Right in the middle of watching someone else clear their issues on stage, I was brought back to the day I heard of her death. I was brought back to my college apartment on the floor in a heap, screaming over her death, as my helpless roommates tried to figure out what to do with me. The same feelings of hate toward members of my family who I felt shared the blame were right there in my face. The guilt for not following strong promptings in the way only hindsight gives you, still hung in the air around me. Eighteen years later, it was as if I was just experiencing it. No, I did not feel better about the whole thing. The big scab over the experience was being ripped off in the most painful way. 

The available professionals helped me gain control of myself. I fortunately understood the importance of not letting this pain go another day. I did not know a single person in that Denver hotel that night, and so I became a client to myself. I found a way to act as the client. I also found a way to act as the practitioner. For 3 hours, I did for myself what I regularly did for anyone who asked. It was only a little more than a year since I was first introduced to the technique. By the time it was over, I felt released in a deep way that I did not realize was possible. From that day forward, I never felt the pain in the way I previously did. The pain was removed; hatred released; forgiveness for myself and others accomplished. I forgave my mother. I forgave God. 

Before this time, when the subject came up, I couldn’t speak of it with much control. From that day on, I easily could with little emotional attachment. I don’t relish the opportunity, but when it does come up, I can discuss it without having to clench every muscle in my body to prevent a meltdown. Emotional freedom. A gift!

I am in my eighth year of what I know is a life long journey. I am no longer afraid or concerned with what people think about this technique. I tap while I walk or run. I tap in my car. I tap in my shower. I tap when and where it is needed. Do I have friends who do not take advantage of what I offer? Yes. That is none of my business. Are there family members who have no interest? Yes. That is all right by me. Do some people roll their eyes at me? Probably. I can live with that. 

I learned years and years ago, probably decades now, that there is a mind body connection. I never understood that there was a mind, heart, body, spirit connection. EFT is only one of the tools I know to heal and to succeed. Mental creation, nutrition, exercise, supplements, rest are just a few others. There are a myriad of other “energy” techniques. Some I have used. Others I feel uncomfortable with. Each person has to use their discernment to investigate and consider whether it is of use.

I realized early on, that because people do not know how to heal, they carry burdens that prevent them from being the light in the world they are meant to be. I understood as I applied EFT to myself in one of hundreds of times, that I was God’s gift to the world. In turn, I believe everyone is God’s gift to the world. He sent us here with gifts, talents, and a purpose to discover. Mortality is a laboratory for us to take the challenges that create burdens in our natural walk through life, and experiment until we find what will help us to throw off those burdens. 

Here is my testimony and prescription for doing so. I know that focus on the Savior brings us peace when we carry great burdens, and that He guides us to the exact things we need to help us release our burdens. It may be a mental burden to conquer. It may be emotional hurts to conquer in our hearts. It may be physical symptoms within or beyond our control, possibly contributed to by our thoughts and emotions. It may be spiritual burdens that we cannot admit to or discover. 

I know since becoming involved in this work, that the scriptures support healing. There may be a method to which you are drawn. Seek out trusted, faithful practitioners of that method and ask for more information or training. Our faith and intentions determine where we end up. When we set an intention for good, if we hold to that intention, in spite of brief testing, we can accomplish what we set out to do. Ask, ask, ask. Expect to receive. Keep seeking. 

Prayerfully request the Lord’s will for you. Combine it with your righteous desires. I once had an unusual answer to a prayer of what I should pray for, “what do YOU want?” (I was seeking the healing of an injured kitty). Much pondering over that taught me that there is balance between the Lord’s will and our desires. Ask. If granted, you know it is within His will and desire for you. If it is not, assume there is something better, or something to learn. Similarly, if you feel uncomfortable, that may be a warning. It may also be that you simply need more information. It may be fear. Just because you feel good or bad about a particular thing, does not mean others will agree. May I suggest that differences of opinion are acceptable? You don’t need to convince anyone else. Just seek your own path while seeking His spirit.

Stay close to your covenants. Our righteous desires exist within us for a reason. I believe God plants them in us. We can gain insights and revelation by keeping the commandments and keeping and renewing our covenants. Every week we participate in ordinances. Outside of the Sabbath, the majority of us also live within a half-day or less drive to a temple. Use those blessing to your advantage. If you are what a friend of mine calls a “light worker,” it’s possible that you may be targeted with negativity to thwart your progress. That is why you need the added benefit and strength of commandments, prayer, scriptures, and covenant keeping. Filling my own soul with light better enables me to help those who need rescue from darkness. I believe the light of Christ works through these techniques, through the inspiration of the Holy Ghost, and with our gifts, to bless others.

I am grateful for the light and truth in the gospel: for the knowledge of Jesus Christ; for his example of love and healing; that he did not come to condemn us, but to save us; for the invitation to come unto Him to be healed and to be saved. I’m grateful for a loving supportive husband who not only backs me in everything I do, but takes up the slack so I can do it; that he sings my praises and cheers me on. I am grateful for patient children who let me experiment on them with how to direct and conquer their thoughts, how to heal their hearts, how to apply every manner of oil, herb, or tapping fingers for healthy bodies, how to open their spirits to their Heavenly Father and their Savior. I am grateful for Priesthood brethren in and out of my family, who lead by example, encourage with gentleness, respect my role as a woman, invite my input and participation, and offer their own worthy healing gifts. I am grateful for the inspiration found on my knees and in the pages of scripture. I am grateful for like-minded friends who teach me how to seek and find. I am grateful for a sisterhood who loves and embraces; the sisterhood in the Relief Society, and the sisterhood in those seeking a similar path as the one I choose. Lastly, I am thankful for good friends and great opportunities.

We are blessed to live in “such a time as this.”

 

Why Realtors Should be Paid MORE!!!

IAT = I am thankful

I am thankful for those who appreciate me.
I am thankful I have a way to make a difference.
I am thankful sometimes I make a living by working.
I am thankful I can persist.
I am thankful I always have choices.

A week or so ago, someone shared someone else's opinion with me, that they thought that realtors make too much money. I laughed out loud. I can understand how it may seem like realtors just show people some properties, fill out a few papers and collect a check. I'd like to clear up a few misconceptions. Let's just start with that check. Nothing but the money.

A realtor's commission can be anywhere from 1 or 2% up to 10% of the sales price. The circumstances vary greatly and no one sets the commission but the agent themselves. My typical fee is 6%. To make the numbers easy, let's say it's a $100,000 home. Woohoo! I get $6000! Right? Wrong!!!

Usually, there is another agent involved. So, it gets split in half, right off the top. Then I pay a franchise fee, a broker fee, and Errors and Omissions insurance for each transaction. At this point, I am very close to $2000. Well, hey, that's still a lot of money for driving people around and doing paperwork. I paid for my own gas. I pay for a website every month. I pay for membership in our local Multiple Listing Service. I am required to belong to local, state, and national boards. And there is advertising, printing costs, a business phone, a computer, printer (these have to be replaced periodically), professional clothes, lock boxes, signs, office supplies, and so forth.

If I have regular sales coming in month after month after month, I can actually make a little bit of money. Twice in my 7 years, I have gone nearly a year with no sales, AND I WAS WORKING. Which means, I was taking clients out, I had all my expenses, I had listings. But they weren't selling, or after several months of work, a client is disqualified in some part of the loan process. Or, a seller would not agree to a requested repair after inspection. Or, a defect is found in the final walk through and the buyer cancels. Or, an appraiser values the home lower than expected and no one can come to an agreement. Or, the title company discovers a defect that can't be corrected. Or some party in the transaction is just a plain pain in the butt and wrecks the whole thing. 

I have 2 associates in my office who just shared a ONE PER CENT COMMISSION.

Do I have the occasional deal where I either get both sides of the transaction (I represent the buyer and the seller) and get the whole enchilada? Yes! Do I have the OCCASIONAL deal where everything goes like clock work and I fall on my knees at the end in gratitude and seriously praise my Provider? Yes! But that is really the exception to what has become the rule in real estate since 2008.

I remember when I first started, I was working 20-30 hours a week sitting at a subdivision. After 4 months, I was averaging .25 cents an hour. Yeah, that stopped.

Let's talk about all the moving parts. Me the realtor. My broker. Our office. The seller. The buyer. The other office. The other broker. The other agent. The title company. The lender. The appraiser. The inspector. And those are just the bare bones. Throw in an occasional nosey, controlling relative, a long line of other inspectors and repair people, and it's a recipe for disaster.

And what about those great hours I keep? I can work whenever I want. Yes. And no. I try as much as I can to organize my schedule around my family, my children, and our events. But it's not unusual to get a call at 7 am or 9 pm. This still really confuses me. Do people not understand business hours? Because you need to actually earn an income, sometimes you take the calls. Then there's the times you are going out of town (nearly every time) and someone wants to make an offer or list a house or see property. Now you have to bend yourself into a pretzel and get your agent friends to cover you and hope that they'll still be your client when it's all over. Not because your fellow agents aren't amazing which they are, but you do what is best for your client, not you.

Including waving good bye to them when you spent all that time and they went and bought a FSBO. 
Including doing more than extra work when your client has a tragedy.
Including maintaining your ethics and integrity when others don't care about theirs.
Including being respectful of uninformed opinions when you've been hired as the professional.
Including, waking up another day, and being hopeful after a client you've spent months with simply won't return your phone calls.
Including being gracious when others slander you or step beyond their professional bounds.
Including using thousands and thousands of minutes every month on your phone and 90% of them aren't conversations with the people you love most.

No, I just can't agree that realtors make too much money. The stuff I CAN'T say would really make you wonder why I'm still in. Suffice it to say it's the stuff that people threaten. The liability and risk I face every day just trying to help others make the biggest decisions of their lives as consumers.

What keeps me going? Sometimes I do make money. And it funds several months for one of my missionaries. Or it takes us on a vacation. Or it pays a hospital or other bill. Or it helps us achieve a goal. Or it gets us to the end of the month.

But the real pay and maybe why I just can't stop, (esp since every time I try business shows up), is helping people make the most important purchase or sale of their lives. Most people are truly grateful. Most people are truly appreciative. Every once in awhile someone recognizes that you have put everything you have in your heart and soul into a transaction to save it. Sometimes nobody actually knows how much you put your heart and soul into it. There are quiet moments where you have the opportunity to share what I call sacred space. Yes, it can happen in real estate. Because buying and selling of homes doesn't happen in a vacuum. It happens while people live. During births, during deaths, during job changes, during divorces, during stresses. Sometimes people share their hearts. And it's more than just a transaction. It's the lives of people you serve. That's what I like the most. No, I probably will not get paid more. The average person will never appreciate the lengths I've gone to. They'll just see a percentage, and think I'm swimming in the cash. In the end, that's ok.

I'll be in real estate as long as I need to be in real estate. When I don't need to anymore, I won't. Until then, I'll enjoy what I can.

Confessions of Mommy Grinch?

IAT = I am thankful

I am thankful for each of my children.
I am thankful for my mom, who I never knew how I wanted.
I am thankful for my dad who was my mom for many years.
I am thankful for all of my other moms. Including my mom in law.
I am thankful for a supportive husband who helps me to be a better mom.

I have a confession to make. I hate Hallmark cards. Ok, hate is a strong word and not all Hallmark cards. I'm talking about the contrived iambic pentamer rhymes that are dripping with syrup. Maybe there is something wrong with me? But I'd much rather have a home made card by my Arteest, or a store bought card with a non rhyming heart felt sentiment. Weird huh?

I think the book I'll Love You Forever is a bit creepy. Yes! I read it to my kids often, but an old woman taking her son out of bed and rocking every night? Creep factor! I'm sentimental but I don't like glurge. Contrived stories or sentiments that have more to do with a point than the sad story it tells. Example. I hope I don't offend. Maybe you'll just feel sorry for me. These kinds of facebook posts make me want to delete my account. (Ohhhhh! That's how we can get rid of her!!!)

There are times, few times, that I worry about one of my children. But there are entire days, some times a few days in a row, where I don't think about my married sons. Gasp! I guess I'm a horrible mother. Here's the thing. They have wives! Now maybe this idea came from a young mom with children at home. I still have children at home and there are days when they are off to school that I don't think about what they are doing at school. Gasp! I know. Call CPS and take them away. Now, there's nothing wrong with a mom who wants to worry about her children every day and think about them every minute, I just don't. And if I do, I don't think I need to share it. And I don't think that if I don't worry, I don't love my children. Hogwash.

I pray for my children every single day. But every single week of their lives at least once, sometimes daily, my intent is to rear them so that when they leave the house, I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY. I have faith in what I am teaching them and their ability to act on it until they act in such a way that I can't have faith in it. I have enough to "worry" about my own life without worrying about all 7 of my children. It doesn't mean I don't love them. It just means I have confidence in them. I pray for them every single day, and I leave them in God's care. Worry just isn't me, unless Bret is late coming home and then if it's more than an hour, I've gotten the knock on the door, planned his funeral, brought myself to tears, and am worrying how we will survive, when he drives up! :-)

My favorite children's book that came out when I only had a few toddlers left at home is The Seven Silly Eaters. Oddly, very rhymy and I don't care. I could not read it EVER without crying. Because it was about as real life as it gets with a large family. I should have told my family to get me that for Mother's Day. :-)

If you've never read it, go here. The Seven Silly Eaters

This is my fondest memory of Motherhood. These days are gone. The quiet moments, when a content baby snuggles up under your chin, and you sigh, that for a few moments, the world is as it should be. I had this beautiful time for at least 7-14 years. While they were small, nestling up against me. Thank goodness for grandbabies!

One last thought, mothers get so much credit. "The greatest profession in the world!" I know that Mother's Day is for mothers, and some mothers don't have a husband and father in the home. But in this home we do. And I could never have been a good mother, without my darling husband who worked hard so I could stay home; who together, we often sacrificed so we could have the life we wanted with me at home with the babies. He was always willing at the end of a long day when I was tired, to help with whatever was needed. He was tired too. He still is. And still does. Any success I achieve will be because I have an awesome partner and support.

No, I'm not grinchy toward motherhood. My little heart has grown into a swelled version of it's former self because it was filled with love for my children and FROM my children. My greatest blessings in the world.

Mom-The Balancing Act

IAT = I am thankful

For lives well lived.
For lives well loved.
For lives of example.
For lives to emulate.
For longing for reunion.

I often feel like this. Except with roller skates. It's of my own doing in pursuing one too many good things. Recently with so many good things, I've felt a little frustrated, realizing I need some time to put all of the things in the air down, to just enjoy breathing, and being with my family, and quiet time, and breathing, and a hobby now and then.

So, I'm making new better choices. I'm prioritizing. Deciding what to put down for now. What to keep up in the air. And looking for some breathing room. I got stuck in a brief "it's not fair" pity party. But decided just to do my best. Keep on until I finish up something. And not replace it with anything. Whew! Lots of good changes and good things in my life. Reminding myself to embrace real balance. Not the crazy cat in the hat kind.

WHAT is she doing NOW???

IAT = I am thankful

For my high spiritedness.
For my goofiness.
For my willingness to roll with the punches.
For my teachableness.
For my willingness to share what I learn.

You know, sometimes it's just important to recognize your strengths. :-)

Because I have lots of weaknesses. I think I have a tendency to be gullible. Hopefully my brother is not reading. Because he has tales to tell I'm sure. But over the years, I have gained more wisdom. At least I hope I have.

Bret and I were counting the other day, and we got way past ten as the number of network marketing companies we had joined. Ok, it might have even been 20. And we finally developed a motto for any Network marketing company that we had no interest in product or business. "We don't do drugs, porn, or network marketing." :-) If you're friends are doing this:

then you know you've joined one too many. Fortunately after the first few, I quit making a list of my "circle of influence" because there was no way I was going to approach my friends anymore. Aaaaand, the last decade at least, if I joined a network marketing company, it was because I loved the product, I am cheap and refuse to pay retail, and if I thought it could help someone, I just told that someone. I didn't go throw up on all my family and friends. I think that is why I still have some good relationships, haha.

But, I want to explain myself anyway. The most successful company I ever joined that actually made me money, less all the fun stuff I bought, was Close to My Heart. But, I'm not sure I ever signed anyone up. I just had scrapbook parties. That was very fun. I currently belong to The AIM Companies. They produce a product called BarleyLife, and I love that product for the miracles it has done for some of my friends with cancer. I take Barleylife on and off.

I also belong to Doterra. I really thought that would be a part of my business, but it seems like every corner has a doTerra consultant, and I just love the products. They are truly some of the best, most amazing I've ever experienced! I use them nearly daily. I took a product for at least six months, hoping it would be the thing that helped me reach new weight goals. But after a lot of time and money, it did not help me with that goal and everyone I suggested it to, did not have great results. There are a lot of people out there that seem to be having results, just not very many people I know.

But I'm too stubborn to give up. So, I was approached by a very friendly lady with a proposition to partner up with products and coaching and I told her multiple times, I don't do that network marketing thing, but I'll try the products and help you train your people. This past year I read a bit about intermittent fasting. They had a cleanse product that could be used with fasting. I did a nine day cleanse and dropped 8 pounds! Wow. I've dropped nearly 7 more. Now I want to see if I can help others do the same.


So I am beginning a health program combined with coaching. And it will be a long term part of my business. But I'm not going to tell you about it here. You'll find out. And I think the real reason most people fail in network marketing, is they expect to be that standout success that they've heard about. When it doesn't happen when they run out of friends and family hiding from them, (after...less than 100 days) they give up. I think more people could succeed if they just kept going. So, if you have one you really like and believe in, stick with it.

And if you want to know about any I mentioned, let me know. That's what I'm up to. And you'll hear more for sure. 

I'm not really a Valentine Grinch

IAT = I am thankful

for things that remind us to love.
for people who love me.
for people *I* can love.
for experiencing real love.
for having the opportunity to show real love.

Ah Valentine's Day. The romance of it all. I'm kind of not a fan. Ok, I like thinking about love and my loving relationships. I'm so grateful I have them in abundance. I like the reminder to BE loving towards those who are in my realm of loving relationships. But, I'm not really a fan of a contrived commercial event that forces people to give cards, flowers, candy, and gifts to justify something that should already exist in loving relationships. It's a fun day and a fun time. And I know my girls love being the object of their Dad's affection.

Ever heard of the



Mine isn't gifts. So truly, my sweetheart could BUY me NOTHING, and I can still be happy. Now if he IGNORED my completely, I might feel a sting. Because mine is words of affirmation and quality time. So, if he showed up after my chemistry class. Haha, get it? Chemistry. And whisked me off and sat and talked with me for hours...ROMANCE!

President David A Bednar said:

We can begin to become more diligent and concerned at home by telling the people we love that we love them. Such expressions do not need to be flowery or lengthy. We simply should sincerely and frequently express love....

Sometimes in a sacrament meeting talk or testimony, we hear a statement like this: “I know I do not tell my spouse often enough how much I love her. Today I want her, my children, and all of you to know that I love her.” Such an expression of love may be appropriate. But when I hear a statement like this, I squirm and silently exclaim that the spouse and children should not be hearing this apparently rare and private communication in public at church! Hopefully the children hear love expressed and see love demonstrated between their parents in the regular routine of daily living. If, however, the public statement of love at church is a bit surprising to the spouse or the children, then indeed there is a need to be more diligent and concerned at home.

You are much better off reading the just recommended book and begin SPEAKING the language of love that is unique to your loved one. And then there are others. Friends and acquaintances. How do we express love and respect to them? Today has me thinking about great advice I've heard in the past about relationships. And it applies whether it is a close loved one, a friend, or someone we really can't stand. Because on this day of love, there are many in situations that are not so loving.

My invitation if you are in a loving relationship and are remembered today. Be grateful. If you are not in a loving relationship where you are appreciated, you know how awful it feels. Is there someone else you can reach out to in a worse situation than yours and express love to them? I am sure they would appreciate it and you'll feel better too. And what about if you are in a loving relationship but they just don't get it, or they forgot it, or they may never get it? But they do love you? Do the most loving thing you can today, and forgive them. Because real love is unconditional and doesn't pitch a fit because they did not fulfill the mathematical commercial equation set for a contrived day we call February 14/Valentine's Day.

Finally, for the people who get under your skin. Who you think are impossible to love. Who you'd rather think of anyone else than them on this day. Two pieces of advice I love. The first from a modern wise man. The second from an ancient one. Happy Valentine's Day yawl. Go find someone to love!

But when it comes to our own prejudices and grievances, we too often justify our anger as righteous and our judgment as reliable and only appropriate. Though we cannot look into another’s heart, we assume that we know a bad motive or even a bad person when we see one. We make exceptions when it comes to our own bitterness because we feel that, in our case, we have all the information we need to hold someone else in contempt. Dieter F. Uchtdorf

And.

"One day Socrates was walking down a street with some friends when a nobleman approached. As was customary, Socrates greeted him, but the nobleman walked straight past, declining to return the courtesy. The friends of the philosopher were angry at the nobleman but Socrates used the incident to teach a lesson.

'Suppose,' said Socrates, 'you meet a man on the street with poorer clothing than your own? Would that make you angry? Why then are you angry at a man who has poorer mental habits than you possess?'

Awesome!

Finally, a shout out to my darling. He reads these. :-) He's my biggest fan. "Real love is NOT based on romance, candle light dinner and walks along the beach. In fact, 'LOVE' is based on Respect, Compromise, Care & Trust." I don't know who said that, but I like it. I'm sure he's relieved I feel that way. What I really think about love is how it is expressed in scripture.

I married a man who walks the walk and talks the talk every day. So grateful I made the best decision of my life for my life.

Lessons from Abigail

IAT = I am thankful

I am thankful I was born.
I am thankful Walt Disney was born.
I'm thankful for well wishers on my birthday.
I'm thankful for my silly children.
I'm thankful to celebrate my birthday during the Christmas season.

I started this post over a month ago.

Today is my birthday and I "got" to speak in church today. Yay. Not. Well, I really don't mind speaking. I like the preparation. I just always hope it will be beneficial to someone besides me. So, we were given (as a family) the topic of the atonement. Olivia read 2 scriptures. Noah focused on the definition of the atonement, Emily talked about how broken things are mended by the atonement. I spoke on how the atonement applies in our relationship with God, Christ, and others. And Bret talked about how the atonement covers more than sin. How we are always "unprofitable" servants, and how we could do nothing without the atonement. You can find my talk over on the talk page. It is a bit similar to the talk I gave in January in the Thatcher ward.

But the crux of the last half of my talk was found in 1 Samuel 25. Here are things I have learned from Abigail (and others in the story). She's a type of Christ. If you don't know what a type is, you can read about that here. I love that this type is a woman.

The players names are David, which means beloved.
Nabal, which means fool.
and Abigail, which means Father of rejoicing. It might also mean Creator of rejoicing.

We learn that Nabal was very wealthy and lived in Carmel. He had thousands of sheep and goats in the wilderness. He had great possessions and it was sheep shearing time. He is described as churlish and evil. Abigail, on the other hand was a woman of good understanding, and a beautiful countenance.

David had been in the Judean wilderness with 600 soldiers hiding out from King Saul. Instead of taking advantage of and plundering Nabal's flocks, he had taken care of them and made sure none were missing. He likely befriended the shepherds as well. But David was low in supplies for his men.

He sends 10 young men to bless Nabal and his house, and ask for help in return for the protection of his flocks. Nabal, THE FOOL, basically questions David as to who he is and his importance and tells his "young men" to go take a flying leap. Oops.

David is so angry that he tells 2/3 of his army to mount up because as my dad likes to say, "hell's coming to breakfast." But the scriptures say that David intended to kill any in the household of Nabal, "any that pisseth against the wall."

If you read closely, 9 of the soldiers returned. One went immediately to Abigail and raised the alarm with her. He must have known what David's response would be. And what is Abigail's response? Does she pack up her handmaids and head for the hills? Does she hide in the basement? Does she alert Nabal? No, no, and no.

Her response is amazing. You read it. She must have realized with full force what her husband's foolish actions would bring. This Proverbs 31 woman knew that perhaps her entire household would be destroyed. Perhaps it was a move of preservation? But I believe it was much more. She has many supplies prepared and sends them immediately to David. And then she nearly immediately heads out herself to meet David. And then if you read closely, one of the most amazing stories of all time is told. At least that is how it has impacted me. (As a side note, I find it funny that only 2 bottles of wine were sent for 600 men. Maybe they were specifically for David? Or they were very BIG bottles, haha.)

She HASTENS to David, and she falls on her face at his feet and BEGS. Here are some of her pleadings.

Upon me, my lord, upon me let this iniquity be:

Let not my lord, I pray thee, regard this man of Belial

but I thine handmaid saw not the young men of my lord, whom thou didst send.

seeing the Lord hath withholden thee from coming to shed blood, and from avenging thyself with thine own hand

now this blessing which thine handmaid hath brought unto my lord, let it even be given

I pray thee, forgive the trespass of thine handmaid: for the Lord will certainly make my lord a sure house; because my lord fighteth the battles of the Lord, and evil hath not been found in thee all thy days.

That this shall be no grief unto thee, nor offence of heart unto my lord, either that thou hast shed blood causeless

I've left parts out, but I find it all so amazing. Abigail, the creator of rejoicing, sends a blessing in advance to soothe the emotions and provide for what was needed. She HASTENS to David and begs him to forgive HER. She takes full responsibility for the sin of another, even though she was sinless. She sees the goodness in David and explains that his purpose is important and she does not want to see him abandon God's purposes for him. She does not want it to be a "grief unto thee."

Fortunately, at least for that time and purpose, David's heart is softened. He blesses God, her, her advice, and recognizes that she has spared him greater trouble and greater sin. He sends her on her way in peace, and that is THE END OF IT. We don't hear David complaining later, "can you believe that Nabal, thank goodness for Abigail! I'd have killed that dude if she hadn't come along." Maybe there was some discussion about it, but it's a good model for us to follow.

How do I think this applies to me? Abigail shows us how Christ is willing to rescue us when someone else has sinned against us. Christ sends us a blessing immediately (if we are willing to accept it?) perhaps exactly what we need to succor ourselves. He then HASTENS to us (if we will allow Him?) and begs us to forgive. He is pleading with us to let the sins of others to be upon HIM. He is perfect and yet He pleads to let us let HIM take the responsibility for the sin committed against us on Himself even though He is sinless. And He asks this of us, because He has already paid the price of every sin everyone has ever committed. Ours. Others. And our sins against each other.

That was a revolutionary thought to me. It shouldn't be, but it was. Being human, as hard as it is not to feel anger, or want revenge, or talk about the other's weaknesses to our friends, etc, etc, that sin has already been reconciled through the suffering and atonement of Jesus Christ. Justice has already been done. Mercy is offered in the gifts offered by Christ to us as He comes rushing to our aid. We simply need to receive. Ok, simply may be the wrong word, because as feeble humans, we experience hurt, betrayal, pain, sadness when others act accidentally or on purpose to harm us. And sometimes it's not very simple.

Perhaps we could do better (talking to myself here) if instead of nursing our wounds and incredulity that people could act the way they sometimes do, if we chose to think of our Savior rushing to our aid and standing there at the door, ready if we will open it and let Him in, and receive the gifts He has for us. Is it as simple as praying? "Dear Heavenly Father, ___________ has hurt me deeply. I want to be angry, and I am hurting, and I want to do what I WANT to feel better, but I am asking you to bring the gifts you know I need, to ease my troubled mind, to calm my troubled heart, to allow me to let go, and trust the infinite atonement of thy Son. Help me to receive forgiveness and allow forgiveness and to move on, leaving it in your hands"

I think it's worth a try. And really this is for me, I think better as I write, and I am glad to discover that I can pray immediately for healing. I feel if I am not at least willing to try the things I've learned from Abigail, then I will be marching to Carmel, with my sword drawn, and bringing upon myself the consequences of my own actions. I will be willfully denying the atonement of Jesus Christ as He stands pleading with me, "put down your sword, let this sin be upon me."

I want to do that. I don't want to deny His atonement for others. For then, I must expect that they will wish the same for me. Thank you Abigail.