Love. Love. LOVE.

IAT = I am thankful

for wisdom.

About three months ago, I was given the opportunity to speak at our Stake Women's Conference. It was a lovely evening with speakers far more talented and entertaining than I. I had over a month to prepare and I am not sure that helped. It just made me so nervous because my topic was the atonement (The Refiner's Fire) and that's not something you can really joke your way through. On top of that, I felt very strongly that I was to tell my story. Again. Something I don't really enjoy telling. But, I did, and in the telling were these words.

What is the first great commandment? Anyone?

Love God with ALL, heart, soul, strength, mind. The scriptures tell us NOTHING can separate us from the love of God, and He wants us to return that love back to Him. That may be half the problem right there. Do we really love Him so much with ALL that we have and are that we trust Him rather than doubt Him? Do we accept the things we cannot change rather than worry, wring our hands, and whine about our lot to anyone who will listen?

What’s the second?

Love thy neighbor as THYSELF. What do we know about these 2 commandments and the rest of the law and prophets?

It all hangs on these two. L-O-V-E. Every single commandment is about love.

So after I gave my talk, these thoughts kept coming back to me again and again. I pondered these 2 great commandments. What came to me was to strip them down to the very bare bones. So, I came up with Love God. Love self. Love others. But I felt like they should be stripped down ever farther. It's obvious when you see them like that. Love. Love. Love.

"So that's it." I thought. All the other commandments hang on love. Wait. The 2 great COMMANDMENTS are simply L-O-V-E? LOVE.

When your heart is broken---LOVE.
When God doesn't seem to hear you---LOVE
When someone mistreats you---LOVE
When your toddler throws a tantrum---LOVE
When your teen is pregnant---LOVE
When your children forget you---LOVE
When someone hurts your children---yes---LOVE
When you are criticized---LOVE
When your parents aren't who you thought they were---LOVE
When you aren't recognized---LOVE
When you want to lash out---LOVE
When you want to cry---LOVE
When you want to die---LOVE

I realize it's easier said than done. However, we get plenty of opportunities to do it every day. We're not to preach or teach or judge or turn our backs. We are to follow the Master in His example of love.

There is it again. A commandment. Look around you. Find someone loving, and follow their lead. What do they do? Study the life of the Savior, the greatest example of love there ever is or was. Look around you. See anyone suffering? Pull up a chair, or a blanket, or a shovel, and just love them. Don't forget to be kind and loving to yourself.

Overwhelmed

IAT = I am thankful for it all

Every once in a while, or more, life just slams you and gets in the way of living. You're just living your normal busy stressed life, trying to juggle it all and then, WHAMMO! Accidents, health issues, changing life circumstances. You never know when something is going to require you to stretch.

I have felt stretched for a few months. My business is stretching me in a fantastic way. That just causes everything else in my world to also be stretched. So, I take each day the best I can, knowing I could really be doing better in the important things, but realizing, sometimes there are just seasons we are better at it than others. The last few weeks I have particularly been trying to appreciate what I am doing RIGHT, rather than beating myself to death for all the things I am not. I attempt to love God, love myself, and love others. THAT is the two great commandments right?

But a couple of months ago, something hit us we really weren't expecting. I could never imagine that any of my children would be divorced. Most of them aren't even married yet. But, we got a distressed phone call. We wept with him, and we chose to see the situation as a blessing and an eventual opportunity. (That same week, our 3 year old grandgirlie had a burst appendix and was in the hospital for a week, what a week!)

So why am *I* overwhelmed? Well, moms just hurt for their kids. It's what we do. And a communication came in that has caused me to lose A LOT of sleep. Before the communication (an email), there were some really hurtful words and accusations. I just happened to be saving seats for our Young Women at the Easter pageant. As I seethed over the information, I thought about Jesus Christ. The words came to me, "Jesus was accused of things." My next thought was a question. "What did Jesus do when he was falsely accused?" Matthew 27:12 came instantly to mind.

"...and he answered nothing."

Nothing? He answered nothing. Could I answer nothing? I could not. So, I tried to make my answer as Jesus like as I could. But that just invited the communication.

The communication was filled with reasons, explanations, justifications. A side of the story. It was written to me and oh how I wanted to respond. But, I decided it probably wasn't wise and just replied that I could say a lot of things but instead I would just pray for the communicator. The end. Right? WRONG!

I consciously wanted to move on. Just let it be done with. But my subconscious was having none of it. My very busy days helped me not to think on anything. But as soon as I would lie down at night, it was a-whole-nother story.  I did not bid my mind to do so, but it began writing responses. Long ones. I would argue with my brain. "I don't want to do this. You can stop now. I'M NOT GOING THERE!" To no avail. Sometimes it would start when I first went to bed. Sometimes I would manage to avoid it and get to sleep, but I would wake up mid-night and mid sentence responding. Or, I'd wake at 4 or 5 in the morning and off and away my brain would go.

My heart was in a battle too. The stress on my face has had to be evident to everyone. I catch myself and think, "good gracious woman, relax your face!" I help people with stress! I taught a class about stress last week. Just to teach the class, I had to practice what I preach several times. I prayed, I tapped, I did deep breathing, I took a long bath (after a mini triathlon). Nothing worked.

I've tried singing hymns in my head and last night, I prayed until I fell asleep. But last night for the first time there was a change. I find it rather hysterical. We went to see the Millenial Choir and Orchestra last night and it was awesome. On the way home, we were listening to Pentatonix. Well, I probably woke up ten times. EVERY SINGLE TIME the lyrics Cracked started. "Mine's cracked, whoa oh oh uh oh." Oh my gosh.

It's a long post, but hey, this is therapy FOR ME.

I have been praying my guts out. Pleading that I could let go of this letter writing in my sleep. It's been horrible. A few mornings ago, I finally asked the question, SHOULD I reply? Maybe I should. I don't know. How would I know if I should? Later a question came to mind, if I replied what would be a reply that would HELP? Hmm, I don't know that either, but I did not want to practice writing AT ALL.

Instead I asked that I be shown a way to know, whether or what my response should be. All this time, I have often thought of Abigail and her example. I have thought of Christ reaching out to me and saying "let me have it." Let this "sin" be upon me. I WANT to let him take it, or do I?

I decided yesterday to fast, pray, go to my favorite place, leave the burden there. I also planned to do any of my emotional work that I know to do, to help release my stuckness to this issue. Then a funny thing happened today. I was praying and fasting as I said. We had gone next door to help Secret Agent and his DW paint their house. I came home after a couple of hours to work.

The tv was on and the Chromecast was connected. So, all those lovely screens were going by every minute. I looked up briefly and what I saw nearly made me gasp. There was a familiar painting. It was this one. I'm not sure I've ever seen art on the Chromecast background.

I looked at the corner screen to make sure and yes, it was. David and Abigail. I wanted a CLEAR answer. The words came to me, "let me take this." That was my answer. No need for me to respond to the communication, but what about the emotions? What about the letter writing in my head? I just don't know. I do know that I should:

Heart and mind. Hmm. So, even though I KNEW something I pretty much already knew, I decided to get over to the temple. It was THERE that I became overwhelmed in a good way. Overwhelmed with the blessings God gives me. Overwhelmed with His preparing a way once again for me. Overwhelmed with the kindness of those around me. What did I find at the temple?

Well, for one thing a former neighbor to us in Duncan was in the temple for her very first time. Because of that, several of our former Duncan friends were also there. Several couples. A former visiting teaching companion. And the neighbor's grandfather who was a favorite to me.

During the session, one friend whispered something very encouraging and sweet. After in the dressing room, another offered loving kindness as she noticed something about me and gave me a hug. After, another made a comment on my facebook post. I was overwhelmed with evidence that I am known and He cares enough to express it in ways I uniquely understand. My prayers were answered today, and I want to say I have complete faith and hope that tonight will be restful, but I'm human. I do hope, but we'll see what tonight brings.

Whatever it brings, I am overwhelmed to know that my Father knows and loves me. When any of us turn to Him in pleading, He WILL provide answers, sometimes in ways that we know were suited just for our benefit. I am so thankful for the PEACE of God which surpasses all comprehension.

"Priorities"

IAT = I am thankful

I admit it. I'm in over my head. I'm doing too much. I literally have to take each day as it comes. If I look ahead, my head starts to spin. I don't like to wish time away. I like to be more present in what I am doing. I shared with friends recently all that was stacked on my plate. They gave the right advice. Drop some things. Prioritize. Say no. Only sometimes, you can't prioritize, you can't drop anything, and saying yes is a greater blessing than saying no. Sometimes you have to be more efficient and just keep plugging along.

There have been many times in my real estate "career" where months went by without income. I have threatened to quit many times, but whenever I prayed about it, the answer was no. Which is funny, because it reminds me of how I came in. No. No. NO, double NO. Ok, NOW! That made me laugh.

Because I believe I have finally conquered my anxiety around money. And because I have learned to see with the eye of faith. And because the whispering of the Spirit has invited some small changes. And because I am often focused on gratitude, I have had a couple of really good years in real estate.

Because I now know it will eventually come to a close, I am taking advantage of the work that just keeps coming in. I'm grateful it will help us reach some goals we have been reaching for. When the time is right, the chapter will be closed completely.

I never knew when I said yes to my current assignment in church (Young Women Pres) what exactly I was saying yes to. Now my eyes are wide open, and I've spent the first 8 months almost literally running a race of what is the next thing. Thankfully, finally, things have slowed down just a little. But even so, it's a non stop dance of meetings, trainings, lessons, activities, new callings, events, etc.

Because I just couldn't stand NOT being overly busy, not knowing that I would be, I signed up for some new schooling. THIS I am very excited about. But I'm a little distressed that this first month I have not had the time to do all my assignments. But, one day at a time. Looking for wholes in the day to read and listen to the calls and recordings and do the assignments.

Then speaking. Two assignments in the same month. Well, one, they gave me over a month to prepare, so I thought that was fine. And on a subject I have spoken about before. So, I've just mostly read my old talks and pondered and written down thoughts as they come to me. But today's talk, which you can read here, took a lot of time, because I've never spoken about mercy before. I was glad to be able to study a little more and just wished I had known the subject in a way that I could have been less stressed in my presentation. I hope no one thought I was scowling at them! :-)

This is just my life for now. It will be ok. It won't last forever. I do know however, that I am pretty much at my limit. So no new stuff, OK? OK. Looking forward to a couple of breaks. My anniversary coming up. And Spring Break. I'll take some time then. And I believe March and April look much less busy. WHEW!

I Can Do Nothing

IAT = I am thankful

For increased understanding.

We were reading in Philippians 4 as a family this morning. Bret read the following verses which I am more than familiar with. One is a top favorite for me, but as he read the words,  a light bulb went on in my head.

11 Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

12 I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

13 I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.

 Paul wrote this letter from PRISON to his friends in Phillipi. He speaks of rejoicing, caring for one another,  bring thankful,  receiving peace, and their care of him. He wanted them to know his suffering was acceptable and he was content in his opposition, because of the strength he received from Christ! His final words are to tell his friends that ALL of their NEEDS will be supplied.

What an amazing comfort!

I've had it all wrong. I really DO believe Jesus Christ can help you do, be, and have all that you dream of. CAN is the operative word. I've found He often does just that. However, it's a much more comforting idea to me that he will be with us in every trial, every need, like Paul, teaching us to be content in any circumstance. Indeed, I've experienced that as well.

I testify that He knows our need and He is our Supply in those times of need. I'm so grateful I can do all things through Him; whether abased or abounding,  hungry or full,  suffering or prospering.

Tomorrow Isn't Promised

So, we just got home from watching the movie Collateral Beauty. I like Will Smith. I think he's an excellent actor, I like his personal philosophy, and he nailed this part. I debated whether to see it. Generally, I don't like going to movies with gratuitous language. Fortunately, it was minimal, but it was there. Warning, it has an f bomb. :-( The critics panned it. They didn't like the platitudes and said it was too much like a Hallmark movie. Apparently the "critics" have never had any personal tragedies. Maybe it didn't come to any real answers but I was swallowing hard and wiping away tears most of the movie. Because I've been Howard.

I realized tonight that if tragedy strikes in your life, you can relate to tragedy in anyone else's life. I've never lost a child, but my mother committed suicide. So, no, I don't know exactly what it's like to lose the future of promise and hope in someone you've given life to, but I know intimately what it's like to lose the future promise and hope in a relationship with someone you didn't have nailed down in the first place. No one in my life has ever been taken unexpectedly by accident or murder, but 2 people have been taken unexpectedly; my mother by suicide, and my grandfather by heart attack.

Both times, I was separated from my family and all alone. Maybe I identified too closely with  Howard, because I came home and bawled. Not something I normally do after watching a movie.

Love, Time, Death. Three things that connect us all. Howard says we all want love, need more time, and fear death. But this isn't really a move critique or a plug to go see it. The core point of the movie is tomorrow isn't promised. The biggest disappointments, grief, and sorrow in my life have come, when tomorrow was stolen. The proof for me was in my reaction to the movie tonight. It's 30 years later and at some level, I still feel like tomorrow was stolen. Because all of my tomorrows with my mother WERE. I've forgiven her for that.

The next biggest disappointment is watching others take tomorrow for granted. I do it too, but the real message of Collateral Beauty is LIVE TODAY.

Don't wait to take a trip.
Don't wait to have children.
Don't wait to go after something you really want.
Don't wait to be with your family.
Don't wait to use the good china.
Don't wait to mend a relationship.
Don't wait to live in THIS moment.
Don't wait to be present with those you love.
Don't wait till someone dies. 

Live and love today. Because tomorrow isn't promised. My sweet friend Shantel had 9 dear friends and family members die in three months time a few years ago. She talks about how they were afraid to answer the phone anymore. She knows too well that tomorrow isn't promised. That's why she teaches and preaches to others to live like you are dying. Really LIVE. There are too many among us who are already dead. Three years after Howard's daughter dies, he's not living. He's wishing he was dead and he's almost lost everything because his grief has overcome him.

It's interesting to me how very positive most of us are. We live like we can have everything tomorrow. It has to be some kind of survival trait. We take for granted that the thing we planned may not happen, or the people who we thought would be there WILL actually be there. Tomorrow isn't promised. We have to take advantage of todays. Present moments. 

After the movie, I realized I was dead for a year after my mom died. I went through the motions. I laughed now and then, but I barely remember anything. I woke back up after reading an article in the Ensign that I felt was written just for me. Then I finally started to heal. I finally started to wake back up and live. I got smacked right back down, because my grandfather died that next year, but someone came into my life to help me share the grief, and I got out of it a little quicker.

Tomorrow isn't promised. You can't wait to do the important things just because other things are taking your time. If it can be done, do it. The one thing the movie doesn't really address, is the solution. Death, Time, and Love and the messages they bring to Howard, finally get him to wake up, but real healing only comes through real meaning. I'm so grateful for faith, love, and hope. For atonement, and understanding, and redemption. These things can give us meaning. Unfortunately we only get to know that when we have to draw on them for our answers.

The problems in the movie aren't resolved at all, but in real life, you don't always get the solution quickly. It often takes years to sort through all the emotions, our beliefs, the application of them, and the getting down to living every day life. I'll continue to ponder this movie. I'm not sure I'll watch it again. Well, maybe when it comes out on DVD and I can wrap myself in a blanket when no one is home and watch it all by myself. Maybe then. Until then, I hope I remember every day, to live today, because tomorrow isn't promised.  But I'm grateful for eternity and a Savior who one day gives us back all our lost tomorrows.

Christmas Again--2016

I honestly don't know how it happens so fast. When I was small, it seemed like it took forever for Christmas to come around. Since, I have shrunk my actual mailing of Christmas cards significantly. Here are highlights for my digital friends.

Liam's baby blessing. I asked myself WHERE IS BRET? He had to go back to his meetings at church.

Emily's Disney trip

We got ALMOST everyone in these 2 pictures. Less Joseph and Mallory. That's because we did not take one entire group photo this year, except at Olivia's birthday party and it was not a great one.

 We'll start with the oldest AT HOME.

Emily. Emily graduated from high school this year, got a scholarship to the local college, earned a trip to Disneyland by helping her team win state basketball, started college, and turned 19. She was so much fun to follow around last year, and now even though she still lives with us, she's making new adventures.

 the only senior, accepting the trophy for her team

Noah. Noah has been home schooling this year. He will be entering an online charter school starting January. In hopes to return to school his senior year. We'll see. He started a dual credit Graphic Arts degree at our local Jr College and is learning some really cool stuff. He's going to be looking for a job. He loves his friends. He played tennis this year and he turnred 16! Driving. He's one tall drink of water and it's tough finding him skinny jeans. I don't mean the skinny style either.

Olivia. Well, she's a teen now too. 13. She is finishing 8th grade at home and we are deciding on whether she will stay home for high school or go back to school. To be continued. She's a pretty delightful girl. She is beginning to earn money from her artwork and we can now say she is internationally recognized, as one of her paintings hangs in a home in Kenya. :-) We love watching her talent grow. She says she wants to paint the murals in the temples. She's currently practicing with club volleyball to see how she likes it. She's really helpful in the kitchen and always has a smile to share.

Jefferson. (Elder Norton). The excitement is growing in our house. We're just rounding down and saying he'll be home in 4 months. He'll return the first of May. We get to talk to him tomorrow. He's currently serving in Lawton and really loves working with the soldiers on Ft Sill. Lots of similarities to his older brother Chris' mission. He has learned to be happy in any situation. He loves his mission.

AnDREW and Liz. Drew is doing well in insurance and is his ward mission leader. Elizabeth is a stay at home mom, serves in YW, had her second sweet baby this year (Liam Howard), and just started as a fashion consultant for Junie Blake. You can see her modest dresses here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/ShopJUNIEblakewithLiz/ Charity is a growing, BUSY nearly three year old. And little Liam is almost 5 months. We love being grandparents.

Chris and Anica. Chris has had a good year with Solar City. Anica graduated with her Master's Degree in Business from ASU. She is now working for a social media marketing company as an Executive Assistant. They just moved to a new apartment. They've been blessed to take some wonderful trips this year. An extended one to Europe, Hawaii, and other short ones.


With Ruby.

 In Greece

 Because I love the look on his face!

Joseph and Mallory. These two are living in the freeze zone in Idaho attending BYU. I was able to go up briefly and visit earlier this year and spend some time with one of my old besties too. They both work lots of hours and go to school too. We enjoyed having them visit in August. It's going to be so long waiting for them to finish and not having them nearby. Joseph is studying Clothing Construction and Design. Mallory is in business.

 Why yes he has made his own gun.

Then there's just us doing our own thing. He doesn't like me to say it, but Bret is dad and husband extraordinaire. Not because he earns a ton of money, or has taken me to exotic places, but because he lives his life in such a way that the ordinariness of life becomes wonderful. He's the George Bailey in this little part of the world. He's midway through his 28th year teaching seminary and institute. His students love him. It's a blessing to run into former ones like earlier today. We'd LOVE to figure out how to retire him in 2-3 years. That's the goal. He made an awesome work bench for his shop this year. He serves as first counselor in the bishopric. He serves me and his family unfailingly. Anything we need, he tries his best to make it happen. We love having him PRESENT in our lives. I'm a blessed and happy woman. No, he's not perfect. :-)

Colorado trip with my cousin. (our family and hers)

A beautiful COOL getaway.

I've had two really wonderful years with real estate. Late last year I changed companies. It's been a good change for me. I started this business to support our missionaries, but along the way I've studied the things I really love. The culmination of those years of interest in coaching, nutrition, self help, positive psychology, mind body medicine, etc is now coming together for me. Next year I will be studying with the Functional Nutrition Coaching Academy. It teaches how to do all of those very same things I've been interested, so that I can work with Functional Nutrition doctors coaching their clients. It's a year long program, but by Summer's end, I'll have my first clients. By the end of next year, I'll bid real estate a fond farewell. It's been a great blessing to us. And I love working with people. 

In June I was released from Gospel Doctrine and was called to be the YW Pres. I am where I am today because of wonderful friends and leaders in YW. It's humbling to have the responsibility. My only desire is to bless these girls and please the Lord. I hope I can. I LOVE doing family history research. I've become a bit of a home body because daily life is so hectic. I love the peace at home.

My greatest blessings are my family, our home, the gospel of Jesus Christ, our freedom, and our friends. I have goals and dreams, but it's interesting times we live in.  We wish you a Merry Christmas. If you are reading this, we are grateful you are in our lives. 

Light YOUR World

Because of some personal experiences I have been having, I was pondering the Good Samaritan a few days ago. I read an article that completely changed the way I think about it. We have a tendency to focus on the question the attorney asked, "Who is my neighbor?", but there is a greater question asked at the end by Jesus Himself.

"Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?"

Is this story about the man who fell among thieves or about who his neighbor was. Is it about WHO we serve, or who WE are? Are we a "priest" who crosses to the other side of the road because we don't have enough time or we don't want to dirty ourselves? Are we a Levite who is better than doing that kind of work? Or are we a Good Samaritan? Maybe WE are someone most wouldn't want help from, but we're willing to help, whenever, where ever. The Lord's statement to "go and do thou likewise" can have much significance for us if we'll search our hearts.

I don't want to embarrass the someone I love who sent me this story, but it touched me deeply. A story of an unlikely Good Samaritan.

 

Had a little experience that I wanted to share real quick before I forget and I'm not feeling the prompting anymore. Just a few minutes ago I was driving from the gym to walmart to pick up a couple things. I took a back road that is less busy from the usual traffic, especially now that it's Christmas time the roads are busier then ever. 

Anyway, as I was driving down the road about 100 yards ahead of me I saw a well dressed older gentleman looking both ways about to cross the street. I wasn't speeding but I was moving pretty quick because I was one of the only cars on this particular road. I saw the gentleman look my way, and could tell his mind was quickly debating if he could make it across before I came speeding by. I could almost see a boost of confidence in his step when he made the decision to take off across the road. 

Unfortunately his mind believed he still had more speed then he actually did because when he stepped off the curb and into the street he almost stumbled from the step trying to move forward quickly across the street. Now I saw this from the beginning...so I was already prepared to slow down, but this gentleman didn't know if I saw him or not and if I was on my way to deliver him to the end of his road. You could see he was trying to lift his arm to alert me to stop because he knew he wasn't going to make it across and that there was no turning back. 

Now all of this happened in a quick couple seconds, but before I could reach my foot for the brake, a younger athletic man bolted out into the street out of nowhere. He was poorly dressed and you could tell he had little money wearing a jacket with holes all throughout. He threw his arm around the older gentleman and put his hand out towards me to stop. As I slowed to a stop 10-15 yards away, this younger man helped carry the older gentleman across the road. He didn't rush him, he was in no hurry, he just gave the older gentleman a shoulder and used his weight to help lift the man so he could regain his step and walk across the road. 

Once they crossed, the younger gentleman gave the older man a side hug letting him know he was safe, and then turned the other way and went back to wherever he came from and the older gentleman carried on his way. 

This probably sounds...cliche, a younger person helping the elderly across the road...but in the moment all I could picture was the Savior. There we are, thinking we're strong and confident in life, about to cross a road or decision. We've hurdled ourselves out there thinking we can make it and the next thing you know we have a speeding truck, trial or bump in the road coming at us with no way to avoid catastrophe. 

Just when it seems all is lost, here comes our perfect Savior, who jumps out in the street to our rescue, putting his arm around us assuring us we are safe, while reaching out his hand commanding the trial or problem to "be still." Once we're back to safety He allows us to continue on reminding us that He is always there to watch over and protect us, to calm the storms we face. 

I could not resist the urge to share this little experience that was a reminder to me to always remember the Savior. He's always there for us. He lives. In this time of season I invite you to look for Christ like examples, and look for opportunities to serve the way the Lord did. Thank you for listening to my little testimony. I hope everyone has a good day. 

Then, someone else I love responded with this perfect video. There's a #LightTheWorld campaign going on the next 25 days. How will you LIGHT YOUR WORLD? This is beautiful.

IAT = I am thankful

 FOR JUST ALL OF IT.