Ties that BIND

IAT = I am thankful

So thankful I can learn from my children.
I am thankful for their safety and health.
I am thankful for rental cars. 
I am thankful for body shops.
I am thankful for lessons learned.

This boy has set aside two years of his life. To go away from home, to spend time studying the words of God and Christ, and sharing them with others. Inviting them to try the word for themselves and see if it produces a change in them. I get to speak to him twice a year. And not that I'm counting but the next conversation is 35 days. Then on Mother's Day. Only next year, he'll be home for Mother's Day. HOORAY!!! Besides that, we get one email a week.

I let him know what's happening with us (and so much has changed for him when he returns, in our world) and he reports his successes, frustrations (rare), and what he has learned. This week he shared this. I know I should have asked permission, but it really got my head thinking, and I think if it helps someone, even if it's just me, he'll be happy I did.

"Over the past week I've been thinking of the hard things that I've been faced with in my life and how I've reacted to them. I think about before my mission and the challenges I faced and I realized that most of the hard things were things I brought on myself. And the reason why they were so hard is because I didn't turn it over to God for help. I tried doing things my way and on my own. So all the stress and guilt and anxiety I had was because I was letting myself be bound by that. And Satan sure loved it. he loves it when we are miserable and bound in sin. The only thing that will release us, is US choosing Christ. That is THE ONLY WAY."

It's a recurring theme in my personal studies of about the last 7 years. WE choose. We have the power. WE determine our circumstances. We can be bound by sin, or our choices, or our addictions, or our emotions, or our thoughts, or our habits, or, or, or. But in the end HE has given US the ability to choose. And sometimes it's very hard, but that is when we can turn to Him.

My faith is very personal. And as much as I'd love everyone to share it with me, I hold it close. I would not wish to offend or to invite unwanted criticism, but there is a scripture that came to mind from the Book of Mormon and another from the Pearl of Great Price.

• 2 Nephi 26:22

  22 And there are also secret combinations, even as in times of old, according to the combinations of the devil, for he is the founder of all these things; yea, the founder of murder, and works of darkness; yea, and he leadeth them by the neck with a flaxen cord, until he bindeth them with his strong cords forever.

A flaxen cord is really not all that large or strong if tied around once. But when we allow ourselves to be taken in, the cord is wrapped round again. Each time is like another round wrapped. Until pretty soon, we no longer have the ability to break that cord. For change, we'll really need extra help. But, when we find ourselves bound by "strong cords," we have a tendency to dismiss the possibility of change or help. "I'm too far gone. I can't get back. I can never be forgiven." And that is exactly where Satan wants us.

• Moses 7:26

  26 And he beheld Satan; and he had a great chain in his hand, and it veiled the whole face of the earth with darkness; and he looked up and laughed, and his angels rejoiced.
  

 he rejoices when any of us is lost to the knowledge of our real identity. Sons and daughters of God. Yes, we've all sinned and fallen short. But, the mercy and merits of Him who is might to save are there for us. Grace is omnipotent. BUT WE HAVE TO CHOOSE IT.

Which brings me to a little experience I had today right after I read and pondered over these words. Ok, I was IN the experience when I read them. Our vehicle was in a fender bender a few weeks ago. I finally got around to taking it in this morning. And then I went to pick up the rental car I reserved 3 days ago. Only it wasn't ready. It was getting the oil changed and they'd deliver it in an hour. Deep breath, mechanic took me to work. All is well. Until about an hour before I was finished. Hey, where's "my car?" I called and found out I would not get it until 1, 30 minutes AFTER I was off work, and the oil change was just a story. I was pretty upset. Can you FEEL my PAIN???

We had confirmed the day before it was available. I reserved it 3 days before. I know I said that already. I'm making my sad little stupid point. And they were messing with my day!!! I complained to the head company. I mean it really was a travesty. All first world problemy and all. And then I realized.

I am binding myself with my negative emotions....

Pause.

Really?

 

DUMB!

So, I decided to change in that moment. I wondered if I let go of the emotion, if the outcome would change. I realized in that moment, that the person bringing back the car at 1, COULD bring it earlier. (And before my change of heart I just KNEW they'd bring it at 1, and then it would have to be washed and vacuumed and refueled and it wouldn't be until 1:30) I realized my staying later at work could help someone else. I realized I was being a first class A1 fathead! So, I said a little repentant prayer and then I simply requested that if it was no big deal, I'd still get the car by 12:30 when I got off work. And that if it didn't work out, I'd happily stay put or come up with a new solution. I always have plenty to do at work. And then I went back to my tasks at hand.

About 15 minutes later I got a call from the gal who answered when I asked where my car was, earlier. She said the car had just been dropped of (12:20), that she would personally vacuum it herself and gas it up and get it to me in just a few minutes. My jaw dropped. I knew that would mean I'd have it shortly after 12:30. At the same time, one of my coworkers texted me and said she was running late and could I cover for just a few minutes. She arrived a little after 12:30 and about 5 minutes later, my car did too.

I felt very, VERY humbled. How important was my prayer? In the grand scheme of things, not very! But sometimes I think our prayers get answered simply to get our attention. I think my answer of a car delivered on time, albeit 4 hours late, was more to teach me, that I was throwing a first class fit, and my change of heart was much more important than the answer to my prayer.

I chose to change my heart. I'm thankful I realized it needed changing. I'm thinking it wasn't me that did that. I think it was the Spirit nudging me, and the pondering from the words of my missionary son. I hope I can remember to remain humble. To not sweat the small stuff. And to simply go with the flow. I was fortunate that I really did not have too much pressing going on today until after school when the insanity hour begins. And all is well that ended well.

I don't want to be bound by my choices. I want to be free.

My About to be Newly Divorced Young Friends

IAT = I am thankful

that I haven't followed every impulse.
that unhappiness is not lasting.
that there are answers to every problem when you are willing.
that I am married to a very patient man.
that we have lasted this long. (25 and counting)

(This is written from an LDS perspective)

A friend called me a few days ago, with some bad news. Her daughter is getting a divorce. Saddest news ever. Well, why I wanted to know? Pornography addiction, infidelity, substance abuse, physical abuse? The reason doesn't matter. But let's just say we were both heartbroken, because the reasons seemed like maybe they were fixable. I've known this friend a very long time. I watched her little girl grow up from a distance. I was lucky living so far apart to have been coincidentally able to attend her wedding. A beautiful bride, a beautiful groom, full of promise. Just less than 2 years later, they are a family, with a baby. Did I say heartbreaking?

So, my friend asked me. What advice would you give? What advice would *I* give? I'm not a shrink or a counselor. But I've been married. I'm still married 25 years later. What works? Why are we still together? Well, I keep thinking about what the officiator said at this young couple's wedding.  After they had made their COVENANTS (before God, angels, and witnesses), he had them stand in front of the eternity mirrors. It would look something like this only with a couple in white in it. A mirror in front, a mirror behind, gives the impression of eternity.

If you look at yourself, you can't really see your partner. You have to focus on your partner to really get a good glimpse of eternity. That's my take on it. And the advice was given that the focus needs to be on the other. That now, this partner you've CHOSEN become the most important focus in your life behind God. That right there would solve a multitude of problems.

Advice I heard at another wedding. There is no more ME. There is only WE. So, what would I say? Here's what I'd say to a couple that is getting married and hoping to stay that way.

***Pray. Pray daily, often, all the time. For the other, for your family, for your marriage. Humble yourselves and pray. Alone, together, as a family. Pray.

***Read scriptures together or talk about inspiring uplifting ways to be better. 

***If married in the temple, return their often together. Keep your covenants. Feel that peace. Renew your covenants. If not, try to get there. There is no peace anywhere, like there. Do I understand it all? No. But it makes me want to be more Christ centered. To think of me less. To think of others more. Go to the temple. If not of our faith, go to church, often, together, seek God, seek Christ, build the marriage on faith.

***Remember you have made covenants. Marriage is not something to ENTER lightly or leave lightly. A covenant makes a marriage more than between two people. It's a partnership between a couple and God. Yes, there are legitimate reasons for divorce, and that must be taken via number 1. Prayer. But by and large the ME/WE advice prevents a lot of problems. Elder Jeffrey R Holland compares the marriage covenant to the Sacrament.

***Got problems? Welcome to marriage. It's not always a cake walk! Even with the most perfect spouse (sorry girls, he's mine) there are difficulties. Learning HOW to love each other. Learning how to please each other. Learning how to KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT, when you really want to let the "little member" start burning the place up (James 3:5). Especially in the moment of anger. I am telling you zip it. When you are feeling a bit more stable and peaceful, you can then address a real problem instead of saying something you don't mean in anger.

***Don't go to bed angry. Do go to bed angry. Huh? Yes, I know everyone says, don't go to bed angry. Those are usually people who are better able to curb their anger than a portion of the population. I have found there are times (NO I'm not one of those better able), when it is better to go to bed feeling however you are feeling, keeping your mouth shut, and in the morning when things look fresh and you are rested, you can take up a discussion instead of a fight.

***CLEAVE. LEAVE. DON'T live with mom and dad. Try not to live too near mom and dad unless you can guarantee they won't be checking your medicine cabinet for birth control. Yes, I know a couple who's mother did that!!! It will be so much easier to talk to each other when mom and dad aren't so close to complain to. I know cell phones and computers narrow that gap easily, but your troubles need to stay between you. Work them out. If you can't figure out how to make this work, good luck with most of the rest of your relationships.

***Don't try to fix your partner. You can only fix you. I was very surprised to find out that half the time I've had a problem with HIM, the problem has been me. Ok, fairness. More than half the time. If you really want to rock your world and your ability to solve problems, read some books. Here are some starters.

The 5 Love Languages
As a Man Thinketh
Leadership and Self-Deception (but only if you want to discover YOURS)
Loving What Is
The Peacegiver

That should keep you busy. And by the way, no matter what flaws your spouse has, you have them too. Who can you fix? YOU! That would be my advice.

She said SHE said

IAT = I am thankful

That America is still free.
That information is freely available.
That there is much RIGHT with the world.
That I can communicate with my elected officials.
That I can always control ME.

So, some time ago, I started getting emails from Ann Kirkpatrick, an Arizona congresswoman who I did not vote for. Maybe she got my email when I went to Washington DC with Project Centrl and we visited her, Paul Gosar, and Jeff Flake. I actually requested last week that she remove me from her list. I'm just not a fan of modern Democratic principles.

But, I'm still getting them and today, this came across. It was titled Pass a Clean Funding Bill Now.

Dear Friend,

I wanted to share with you this Arizona Republic editorial, which calls on Congress to pass a “clean funding bill now” to restart the government and protect our economy. This is my firm position as well.

So far, House leadership refuses to allow a vote on a clean bill, and instead is holding votes on bills loaded with ideological baggage or piecemeal bills that pick winners and losers and do not end the shutdown.

So I will continue to call on my House colleagues to stop the partisan games and allow a vote on a clean bill to fund the government. That’s what I did Wednesday morning on the House floor (click here to watch the video). Thanks -- Congresswoman Ann Kirkpatrick

Excerpts of Arizona Republic editorial:

“We need a clean funding bill now. Then we need a debate on the budget, unhampered by proxy fights over "Obamacare."
…
The consequences of failing to fund the government — and possibly extending the dysfunction to defaulting on America’s debt — are certain, not speculative.

The damage will be real. The economic consulting firm IHS Global Insight puts the cost of the shutdown/slowdown at $12.5 million an hour, according to NBC News.
…
In a few weeks, Congress needs to raise the debt ceiling. Screw this up in the name of ideological purity and America becomes the deadbeat Dad on the international stage. Kiss the recovery goodbye. Then try to convince the world’s investors to let their money ride on the United States.
…
America deserves better.

Click HERE to read The Republic’s full editorial.

A) The government has temporarily shut down before. B) No matter how bad it hurts, the leaders of this country need to get these problems solved. Starting with NOT funding the "Affordable" Health Care Act. How many people are already suffering by being cut to part time? And, if the new reports are true, penalties for not participating may include being fined over $4000, having money seized from your bank account, driver's license suspended, and liens put on your house. WHAT country are we in? Anyway, I decided to write the good congresswoman back. And here is what I said.

Honorable Representative Kirkpatrick,

Thank you for your email about funding the government. I have to reply with STRONG disagreement. The house has sent several options to the Senate as a compromise, and yet, the President absolutely refuses to accept any kind of compromise as well as the Democratically controlled Senate. It's more "my way or the highway" rhetoric from Pres Obama and the Senate. This "Affordable Care" highway we have carelessly entered is proving to the majority plus of Americans, that it has the potential to break our health care system and break our economy. Right is right. Why would any representative want to move forward when there are so many glaring unanswered concerns? Or are we just going to go along with the argument (AGAIN), "just fund it, and then you'll find out." The problem is, we're all finding out, and it looks HORRIFIC. How can you in good conscience, who has taken an oath of office to defend and protect the Constitution, even consider moving forward with this? Good day, and please answer my question, because heck yes I want a response.

Sincerely, Dawn Norton (no political affiliation)

(The system asked if I wanted a response) We'll see if I hear back.

Random thoughts of safety, living, and morning giggles

Not necessarily in that order. 

IAT = I am thankful

for safety, more than once
for successful surgeries
for lives well lived
for missionary letter day
for friendly morning greetings

I was GOING to write this post last week, but my time is so all over the place. But after yesterday, I really want to write it. So, last week I had tons of stuff to be grateful for, but I was falling asleep at the wheel as I drove to Duncan. Then, when I woke up in the other lane (this has happens a LOT of times to me, it shook me up), I was very grateful I woke up. It always shakes me up for that to happen. But I was just very grateful for the safety I was given in the moment.

I don't like seeing this when I wake up, but better than permanent sleepage. Sigh.

Yesterday I had a funny moment. I went out walking early. A runner friend of mine ran up behind me and yelled out, "Good morning Dawn!" What's the opposite of an oxymoron? It just hit me funny. It WAS Dawn, *I* am Dawn, and it was a GOOD morning. It was beautiful weather and on a whim, after being invited by her running partner, I ran a half mile of my walk. And it was ok. It wasn't too much. I did it. I may have to try it again! :-)

Then I went to a funeral. An unexpected life graduation. A life WELL lived. Usually I find those inspiring. But yesterday I felt terribly guilty. All the while knowing I should not be comparing. But I did, and in the end, it brought me to pondering and perhaps some good things will come of it???

And at the end of the day? Oh my gosh! Another near miss. I went to pick up Emily from volleyball. Who knows why life turns the way it does. Normally I would have sent Jefferson, but I decided to go. When I got there, she got in, and I paused because her sweet friend was wearing these totally hot pink shorts. So, I rolled down the window and teased her a little. I didn't send Jefferson. I stopped a few extra seconds. Did it make a difference? Who knows? So off we go back home. I'm asking her about her day and just about to tell her something silly as we move through the GREEN lighted intersection. Often I look both ways when I am the lead car in an intersection, but this time I did not. I was just enjoying my daughter. We were 2/3 through the intersection when I turned to look at her and in a millisecond of recognition, saw the old blue truck passing right in from of us, and slammed on the breaks and missed it. BARELY. Immediately I questioned MYSELF, and looked up and saw:

the light was GREEN. He ran the light. And then you have that knowing close miss moment where you realize you could have been a grill ornament and not a very pretty one at that. I felt very unsettled and at the same time very grateful. She wasn't wearing a seatbelt, and it would have been her side. Super hyperventilation. Maybe I needed to be the one driving. Maybe it was simply a near miss and that was all. But I felt I was being watched over by those answered prayers again. So, thanks Heavenly Father for having my back, my front, and my sides. I hope my time is still long upon the earth, because I know I can't do anything to shorten it. But others can. :-/

In the meantime, I can live my life well. And I'm going to try and be better at that.

The Credit Score Scam

IAT = I am thankful

for new learning experiences
for opportunities to let go
for a quiet night in the middle of chaos
for answered prayers
for new beginnings

7 tips to credit sanity. Maybe.

It was only a short time ago when I discovered that we had a nearly perfect credit score. It was combined around 810. 850 is as high as it goes. We have gone to great lengths to be perfect in our payments and be responsible in our financial obligations. Truthfully, we've had a few close calls. A nearly 30 day late here or there. Forgotten payments with late fees and the like. But, fortunately, we've always been able to keep our credit tidy. Until recently. I've spent the last 8 months trying to recover from credit problems, most of which were not of our making or out of our control. In the last couple of months, I've learned more than I ever wanted to know about credit. And in the end, I've discovered that it's similar to a savvy poker game, where the house has the ultimate advantage. In this case, the house is whatever lender you need at the moment. Here are the high points of what I have learned. And I'll share an article at the end that tells you a little more about how your score is weighted.

#1. If you EVER plan on taking out a loan, especially a mortgage, be VERY CAREFUL about making disputes. If you do not want a dispute on your credit history, make sure you make it clear that YOU DO NOT WANT A DISPUTE ON YOUR REPORT. I almost literally had to scream this at Equifax the other day because I had spent 3 days trying to get 2 disputes off my report so we could get a home loan. One of them, we have no idea where it came from. It was with Home Depot who we have a perfect payment record with. I learned from reading online, that a dispute can be recorded simply by calling in and disagreeing with for example, a payment recorded, the amount, a product return; anything you could possibly complain about COULD be recorded by the debtor as a dispute. Disputes can have a positive or negative effect when taken off. Because until they are resolved, that item is not calculated in their score.

#2. If you are working with anyone to fix problems on your credit and raise your score, check your score YOURSELF! Because every time your credit has a "hard" check, it dings your score. I had no idea every time I had a previous lender check it, that it would be on my report for TWO YEARS, whether I got a loan or not. So, shopping for a car? Make sure you've chosen ONE LENDER and find the car before you are ready to do the loan.

#3. If you move, BEFORE YOU MOVE, make sure anyone you owe money too, knows exactly where you are going. In the middle of a crazy life and a crazier moving circumstances last fall, we changed address and phone number. The next thing we knew we had a collection for a medical bill. Sigh. That one was painful. But even so, we were able to pay it off quickly, work around the collector, and get it removed.

#4. Equifax is a horse's patoot. Experian is AWESOME. Transunion is somewhere in between. Home Depot worked really well with fixing the non-dispute. JC Penney, GREATEST CREDITOR OUT THERE. They report to the agencies EVERY SINGLE DAY. The importance of that, is that if you pay off a balance, or close the account, or do anything, you are not held hostage by the standard 30 day blah, blah, blah, your living changing score is at the mercy of time and everyone who really doesn't care much that you are being held hostage by their policies. I propose an American Credit Reporting Law that requires all creditors to report at least WEEKLY. That way you don't have to wait so long for what you need. Everything is digital these days. Why is credit reporting in the stone age?

#5. Length of time of credit. I've closed a lot of accounts over the years because I don't want unnecessary credit open that others might want to try to use. Apparently this is a bad thing. They want to see a long history of open credit. Find one or two you like and charge OCCASIONALLY and keep a SMALL balance.

#6. Large balances kill you. They almost wipe out your good history. If you have more than one account with more than a 50% balance of your available credit, BAD NEWS. Lowers your score. Even if you are making home repairs for a few months and pay it off in full after a few months. For those months it's higher, you get stinky scores.

#7. DON'T EVER BE LATE. Kiss of death. Enough said. We had a 2 month 30 day late showing on a  payment that was an incorrect reporting. Because I was dealing directly with the debtor, human error (bad memory and follow through on their part), it took EIGHT MONTHS to get it perfectly corrected and in the end, one of the credit bureaus was still reporting it wrong and I had to start all over again. That same company though saved the day when the credit bureau got it wrong.

Final thought. Long ago when lending wasn't so brutal, you could write a little note of explanation or have the debtor send a letter verifying facts. I know this because we did it. Not now. The credit score is the law, and no explanation will change it. EVER. Until it's changed. Until you put in the blood, sweat, tears, and time to get it changed. It is completely skewed to the benefit of the lenders. That's all. The end.

Here's the article about scoring and how it works.

Credit Score Nirvana

My Not so Very Ordinary Day

IAT = I am thankful

for grateful children
for clouds
for productive work
for dancing
for sunsets

It was a simple ordinary day. And the ordinary made it beautiful. I don't know how I managed a stress free day with the many things going on in a row, but somehow I found that sweet spot, where you just notice things that make you happy. I started out a little cranky, coming down hard on the kids because they've been particularly hard to motivate to do what they ought to be doing. I came home later in the day, after being hard on them, to find my teen boy had written this.

My first thought was I was not really deserving of it today, but I just went with the happy moment.

Then I was in a rush to get to work and get lots of little details completed before I went to show property. I even left early to make sure I got to my appointment on time. But, as often happens, I was delayed anyway by road construction. And while I sat, I noticed all the beautiful clouds. It's so rare to see the big fluffy white kind, so I just sat and enjoyed it and called my client and explained I was delayed.

I ended up showing 4 properties instead of 2, making my day longer than planned, but as I was dropping him off, I was driving through Clifton and saw this. It's a regular appearance all around Clifton. So interesting how they just scale the cliffs like it's a walk in the park.

The retired Bish was back in Duncan working on our house again. We recently sold it. Actually it is pending, but there are lots of things to do that take more time and money than we bargained for, but that's just the way it is. I've been listening to this, this week.

I am so completely in love with every song on this album. I can't wait for the Mish3 to get home and share it with him, because I know he'll love the whole thing too. So, I listened to the Something Stupid song about 100 times while driving today. Ok, maybe 10. I LOVE THAT SONG, and I had an irresistible urge to dance with my husband on our front porch, because A) I don't think we danced together at the reception Saturday, and B) when will I ever get another chance to dance with him on the front porch? He needed a few things from the van, so I drove up a few minutes before him, and ordered him center stage and turned on the song.

Something Stupid Video

And we danced.  :-)

And then I ran some errands for Emily that took me more time. And finally steered back toward the Gila Valley. Oh great, sigh, it's getting dark. But then I saw lots of this.

How can you be upset about driving home at night when getting to night was so beautiful! And then home, feet up for 10, something to eat (something wonderful to eat), and some last minute school and grocery shopping. Nothing but ordinary stuff, interlaced with beautiful gifts of tender mercies to make it lovely. It was an awesome day.

HItting Highlights--Days 5 and 6

IAT = I am thankful

to have access to peace any time.
for beauty in new things in old places.
for a way to leave the world behind.
for friendly faces in those places.
for early mornings. (did I really say that?)

So, here's the deal. We did SO MUCH in Israel, that it can't all be blogged about. So, I'll post our itinerary notes and if you really want a feel for the trip, you'll just have to google some of those things. Since being home, I have found Israel has been life changing. I cannot do ANYTHING that has the slightest reminder without picturing what I saw and felt. For example. I went visiting teaching the other day, and the message was about how the Savior taught women. It mentioned Mary and Martha, and all I could see in my mind was Lazarus tomb and the stories we shared there.

This evening, I went to a baptism, and I could see and feel the Jordan River around my legs. And a friend on the trip immersing himself multiple times. And knowing that immersion is the way it was done in that day, because of the Jordan River and all the mikvehs that were in many of the dwellings we saw from that time. 

We traipsed all over Bible lands, so many stories will now be vivid to me. So wonderful!

DAY 5/ Monday, July 1, 2013- Early start at 7AM for bus to Dung Gate to meet Western Wall Tunnel at 7:40 AM; View the Bar Mitzvah’s; Go to the Jewish Quarter for the Temple Institute; lunch on our own, Herodion House with the three 1^st century Priest homes, Broad Wall, the Cardo, the Hurva Synagogue, etc.  Go to the Davidson Center and Ophel Gardens and the southern wall and steps; Warren Shaft, Hezekiah’s tunnel and pool of Siloam.  Dinner and stay at the Olive Tree Hotel.

DAY 6/ Tuesday, July 2, 2013-  Morning visit to Yad Vashem; Travel to the Elah valley for David and Goliath; Visit Tel Bet Shemesh for the Samson story; Lunch stop at park near Elah, where Basam arranged a picnic.  Traveled up the Beit Horon pass  to Nebi Samwil (the remembrance of Samuel, the prophet) on the way into Jerusalem.  Dinner and stay at the Olive Tree Hotel.

 Just a beautiful spot I loved.

 Western Wall under the city. People go down under to pray too.

 Street level

 Stones Jesus would have walked on.

 I think this is the coolest picture. Love the light and darkness.

 

 Walking through the old city.

  

Men's side Western Wall

 Women's side

Bar Mitzvahs end at the Western Wall