Raining on the Grace Parade

Everybody has a favorite scripture. I have several. The go to verses that bring you comfort. Here are just three.

But I have a LEAST favorite scripture. I nearly despise it. Until I studied it just a little more. Yesterday I was out enjoying a walk around the blocks in San Diego. I'm here with some of my church friends enjoying the Labor Day weekend. I decided to listen to my scriptures while I walked and the selection was 2 Nephi 25. I was hearing and enjoying some of it and calling my mind back to listen as it wandered looking at my surroundings, when I heard it! 

...for we know that it is by grace we are saved after all we can do!

UGH, Nephi, why??? Why did you have to put that there? But as I continued listening, I realized it was an invitation to understand why. And, I must admit, a desire to one up the rain-on-the-grace- parade-all-you-can doers out there. You know the ones. You're having a beautiful lesson about grace, and the merits of Him who saves, and there's always one in the room. It's almost like Goober in the episode of Andy Griffith where he goes running after Barney declaring "Citizen's arrest, citizen's arrest!" They just can't stand LETTING it be about what it really is. It really IS about grace.

For the fellow members of my faith, disciples of Christ....our Christian brothers and sisters of other faiths, have this part down. They blow us out of the water. They rest in the Lord and the knowledge that they believe in Him, they have faith in Him, and their failings are covered by him. I call it the wings of grace. Now, we may do a slightly better job, or not at paying attention to and keeping the commandments as we see them, but let's give ourselves a break and stop shoulding on grace. Because every time we quote that scripture, we are saying we SHOULD be doing more of this, that, and the other. NO! The only thing we should be DOING more of, is allowing His grace to be sufficient. 

So, I decided to listen to the chapter again, and realized how much other good stuff is in there. For good measure, I listened one more time. Then I came home and looked it up and read through one more time. I noticed a few things. I'm no scriptorian or expert, but these are things that stood out to me that helped me understand why this oft quoted argument against grace really is NOT understood by our general church membership. At least those that are convinced they aren't going to "heaven" because they just haven't done enough. (Ask most other Christians where they are going, and they confidently say HEAVEN! Why? Because they BELIEVE in GRACE.)

Let's start with the fact that when this was written, Jesus hadn't even come yet. The next THREE verses in the chapter cover the balance between the law, it's necessity, and its eventual fulfillment. For any who care, I felt a chiasmus in this chapter as I listened and I was right; there is a powerful one in these verses that does as I suspected...points to the central idea being all about Christ.  (If you like that kind of nerdy stuff, you can read about it here.)

Previous to those three verses is a reference to Moses and the healing that came by looking on the serpent (which represents Christ) as well as the smiting of the rock and flowing out of water, which could ALSO represent Christ and Living Water. There was nothing intrinsically powerful about LOOKING or striking the rock. The power came in the beholding of Jesus Christ. The power came in what He offers as a reward to our SIMPLE acts of faith. 

Going back to veses 24-27...the modern equivalent of the law is keeping the commandments. What was the purpose of the law? Nephi says,

24 And, notwithstanding we believe in Christ, we keep the law of Moses, and look forward with steadfastness unto Christ, until the law shall be fulfilled.

The law gives focus to the ultimate source of salvation. The very next verse he declares the deadness of the law and

...we are made alive in Christ because of our faith.

...which Christ declared to many of those whom he performed miracles for, that it was ultimately their faith in HIM that brought their healing. Yes, they had to reach out, look up, wash, go to the Priest, but those things DID NOT HEAL THEM, their FAITH IN HIM did. 

Verse 27 summarizes 24 and 25 again, but the real purpose in the discussion of the law is revealed in verse 26. 

...we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

There isn't a group of people I know, than those I've attended church with the last 24 years, who knows more that they should be "doers of the word and not hearers only." But the doing has created a group of people who mostly fear the Lord, fret they they aren't enough, and aren't doing enough, and will never "make it." In one regard they are right. They won't. Not without Him. Not without "the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit."

His merits.

His mercy.

His grace.

Maybe I'm the one that should let it go. I can listen and know the truth. I'll never do enough to merit salvation. Only Christ has done that. I'll do my best to follow His commandments and invitations, only because it helps keep me focused on Him and because I love Him and it's my feeble attempt to do SOMETHING, no matter how small. I'm so grateful to be saved by grace (after all I can do), because I can NEVER EVER do enough. He's the only one who ever could and did and does.

PS, I forgot that when you click on grace in verse 23, you find the following scriptures. They are instructive of Nephi's possible intentions or at least put them in context. 

Ps. 130:4 (3–4); Rom. 3:20 (20–24); 7:5; 2 Ne. 2:5 (4–10); Mosiah 13:32; Alma 42:14 (12–16); D&C 20:30; 138:4. TG Grace. 

***to see other times I've mentioned or taught about grace, type grace in the search box up there on the top left.

The Scorpion Factor

It's late, I should be in bed. Therefore I write. Then I sleep. 😔 If you don't get the title, you need to read this book.

So I just searched my blog for the BIG FAT scorpion story and I'm shocked it hasn't been written. That will be for another day and when it is written it will be amended and included. Until then, let's just say I have a history with scorpions. I also used to have a massive understandable phobia of them. The one time I DID write about scorpions, was a non-sting encounter with an explanation of my phobia.

This is a bark scorpion. It is the most dangerous kind in North America. It has black on it's back and it's the kind I was stung by five years ago. AND IT HURTS!!! But here's a little walk down memory lane after searching through my past facebook posts. Because I have learned a great lesson by being stung again. By date.

June 1, 2011

thinks 3 scorpions in 3 days is just about enough!

June 18, 2011

wasn't very thankful for my close encounter with a scorpion last night, but was thankful even though I touched it, I was not stung.

September 2, 2012

Is still a little freaked out about stepping on a scorpion in my bare feet last night, on my way to bed. Grateful I was not stung, seeing as I saw the reaction of someone stung just a few weeks ago.

September 3, 2012

2 BIG dead scorpions with my shoe ON. And one dead rattle snake.

ALSO September 3, 2012 

after a centipede crawled into our pump switch and fried it and shut off our water!

It's like I'm Dorothy in the Wizard of AZ. "Scorpions, and rattlesnakes, and centipedes, Oh MY!"

February 14, 2013

That freaky moment when you pull something out of your suitcase and a scorpion comes out behind it. #heebeejeebies

April 2, 2013

There is NOTHING I hate more. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. And *I* had to kill it. #heebeegeebies

Probably also a BARK!

May 16, 2013

21 years living among scorpions. Finally got me. Worst. Pain. EVER!!!!!! Its gonna be a long night. (The BIG FAT story referenced at the beginning)

Later May 16

I still can't feel my toe. Jefferson tested and nope, couldn't feel a thing. But I'll take numbness over excruciating pain any day.

May 18, 2013

Thank you Mr Blacklight inventor! I put you up there with Mr Air Conditioning Man as one of the people I want to meet in the next life. #myrationalfear #mywoodentoe

June 8, 2013

Scorpions used to freak me out. Now they really do. #3rdonethisweek #madethehubbyspray #founditdead #onitswaytoh#$l

It's a BARK!!!

2013 WAS A BAD SCORPION YEAR!!!

July 10, 2014

That hysterical moment when you want to run through the house screaming because you realize you just slept all night on a scorpion.

June 15, 2015

I LOVE dead scorpions. Thanks for spraying this week honey.

August 18, 2018

I'm grateful for scorpions in the closet that teach me the connection between my thoughts and outcomes. SERIOUSLY! YESTERDAY I had a conversation with my friend Caroline Skrdla on the topic. I cemented the conversation with an emotional shudder. THIS MORNING when I took my shirt out of the closet and took the sweater off and turned it around, there it was! Long story short, as I declared over and over " I can be brave," I took it outside, let it crawl off, then pummeled it with a borrowed flip flop. So grateful I wasn't stung! Call me Dawn... Scorpion Slayer. Hahaha

How it didn't sting me, I don't have a clue!

August 22, 2018

Blast. Walking across my property in flip flops something stung my toe. Half my foot is numb. Go to home remedies? Fortunately it only hurt very briefly.

And now....I just want to pick up my feet and glide through the air to bed because how am I going to walk in bare feet right now? But I digress...

Referring back to the August 18 post above, I met a new friend named Cari, and she brought up the subject of scorpions and how she doesn't like them, I mean who does? The Bible appropriately refers to them as torment. So we were staffing for our friend and author Leslie at her Genius Bootcamp.  During the weekend, she taught about thought, vibration, emotion, and how together they actually create our reality. I TRULY believe this string of events happened to make me aware of exactly that on a more personal level.

I ALREADY KNOW ALL THIS and have used the principles to create all kinds of great stuff in my life, but I guess I needed to really understand the other side of the equation.

Without telling the whole story. 5 years ago I was stung by a scorpion at 1am and it was one of the most painful traumatic events of my life. I know! It sounds so melodromatic, but it really was awful. I resolved the trauma with EFT and it became a manageable experience after that. 

As you can see, since then, I've continued to have interactions with the beastly critters but hadn't been stung again until this week. 

I was staying with Leslie's family at her home. They had just moved in days before and they were kind to invite me to stay with so much going on. After the conference Friday, and our little scorpion shuddering moment, I woke the next day to get dressed. I pulled my brown striped shirt from the closet. My white lightweight sweater was draped over it. I always wear a sweater at conferences because they tend to be so cold. This time, I did not need my sweater. So, I took the sweater off the hanger and put it down. Instead of taking the shirt OFF the hanger, I first turned it around. Part of me has no idea why I did that not normal action. The other part of me knows that it was orchestrated for me for a learning moment.

Staring right at me, tail curled was the bane of my existence. I did not go leaping through the house as  I might have at home, but my very first thought was, I NEED A HOUSEHOLDER TO HELP ME! I had to put the shirt down first because I still didn't have one on. So I threw the first thing I could find on, and stepped out the door. 7am Saturday morning. Nothing but moving boxes. WHERE are teen boys when you need them!!!???

I turn around and start declaring, "I can be brave, I can be brave!" The pitch rises in my voice as I grab the shirt back up repeating my brave mantra and gingerly speed to the front door and nearly heave the shirt onto a bush. Great! The spawn of satan remains on my shirt. Now what? I need something to whack it with. Back in the foyer I see a pile of shoes ready to leap to my defense. I grab a much loved flip flop and assume a battle stance. 

I pick the shirt back up and start whacking the back of it to try to get the scorpion to fall off. Of course, it does not. I want to cry, but I can be brave. So, I lay the shirt on the ground and the demon finally moves and crawls right off. I pounce with sword, ahem, flop in hand and whack the thing until it no longer moves. RELIEF!!! 

As I put my shirt on, the thought occurred to me, that conversation the day before, created what I had just experienced! I had a previous emotional attachment to an idea (fear of scorpions). I had mentally, emotionally, and physically connected with the idea less than 24 hours before and every time I see one. It created the right vibration to call a scorpion into my existence. At the moment I thought this, I realized, I could either be grateful for the experience, let it go, and learn from it, or I could dismiss it as so many odd coincidences.

When Leslie came down I told her the whole story. When we got to the venue for the last day of Bootcamp, I shared it with Cari and the few people there. I felt all self-congratulatory for my great wisdom and understanding I acquired, not knowing there was one more piece left. 

A few days later, I went out to feed my chickens and gather eggs. I was walking back to the house when I felt a poke from what I thought was a sticker. I didn't even look down at my flip flopped feet to see what it was, because it was pretty insignificant, but only about ten steps later, I felt pain, that increased until I was inside my house sitting down looking at my toe trying to figure out what just happened. I realized that I had been stung and new it was likely a scorpion, ON THE VERY SAME toe as before! What are the odds?

The pain intensified but it was nothing like the previous experience. It was bearable and my toe started going numb and it spread throughout my foot. It stopped at my ankle and I grabbed some lavender and other calming essential oils and slathered my foot. Within a few minutes, the progression stopped and I went about my day. It really got me thinking. How in the world was all of this connected? Then it hit me. I just had a rather mild experience with a scorpion. I didn't see it. I didn't fear it. I didn't freak. I didn't attempt bravery. I didn't realize it until it was far too late. It was a night and day difference than all the previous experiences. 

Several days later, I can still feel the stiffness and some tingling in the the upper portion of my foot and toes. I have not suffered. I was not traumatized, but I am left to wonder, if it was all for a bigger purpose. For me to connect the dots between my thoughts, feelings, fears, and see them brought into reality. WHY?

So, I can see that every negative thought and emotion becomes a part of the creation cycle, just like every positive thought and emotion is part of the creation cycle. My previous practice of watching thoughts, erasing and replacing them, and expressing gratitude continues to be worthwhile on a day to day basis. 

The last part of this verse has never made so much sense!

“Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again."

In other words, whatever you send out comes back. MULTIPLIED! If you send out measures of blessedness, you get blessedness back. If you send out measures of misery, you get measures of misery back. The previous sentences to this verse of scripture include the same idea in regard to judging, condemning, and forgiving. 

I have new respect for scorpions and things of my own making. The scorpion factor will not be a thing I forget quickly. I'll also be more aware of the words falling out of my mind, heart, and mouth, and what they are ultimately creating. What are you creating?

I'm a Writer

IAT = I am thankful

If you remember typewriters, remember the sound of the paper going between the rollers as the gears go round n round n round? Fingers to the keys, I begin to type. "I am a writer." My fingers pause. "I write." Pause.

If I was really using a typewriter, I'd rip the paper zipping past the rollers right now. The paper would be crumpled and added to the pile forming behind me. I'm not a writer. Well, I mean I have to be a writer, because I have the affirmation up on my bathroom mirror with other secret affirmations that I am not about to reveal. The only way a general friend would see my affirmations is if I put them here, or I'm lying sick in bed, unable to lift my head and someone gets the bright idea to come and clean my bathroom. And my husband LETS them???!!!

However, I have been writing a blog for (let me check the dates)...ERMERGERSH, it will be ten years in September! How exciting! Let me take a moment to relish in this moment.

I'm a writer? Maybe. Hmmm. Let's add up the evidence. I HAVE been published. In newsletters. And in an actual book! I found out accidentally when I did a google search of myself. It's a book on EFT that one of my submissions make it into. I can't remember the title, but it was a fun discovery. I've also been invited to write in other books that didn't end up published.

My good husband tells me nearly every time I write a post that my writing is good. Does that count? Maybe, but we'd have to evaluate his tastes in writing and what genres he reads, etc. I have 7 followers and sometimes they tell me they like what I write. Seven! I'm not a writer. 

What does it take to be a writer? Hmmm. Some of my posts have hundreds of views. Does that make me a writer? I've had book ideas for years and even started on some of them and now I belong to a writer's group. Ahhh, now we're getting somewhere!

Each month, when I don't have fourteen other things going on, I go the the writer's group and we share something we've written and make a new goal for the next month. I've shared blog posts from my blog that I imagine I will recycle into chapters in my first book. You can imagine how intimidating it must be to go as a newbie to a meeting of REAL writers who have actually published books, making them AUTHORS! It's like that moment from Oliver Twist before he actually says the words, but holds up his poor little bowl to beg for more, wondering all the while if he is worthy enough for the meager scraps returned to him. 

No, I'm in a group of fantasy, science fiction, and romance novelists. PUBLISHED. Remember? I said they are published. I'm the only non-fictioner in the group. But they give me warm sincere compliments. They encourage me. They keep inviting me back so....I write. There was this one meeting that I ACTUALLY did write a new chapter...I write!

Maybe the definition of a writer is someone who writes, so that when their words are read, the reader is moved; changed; better. Can I just make up definitions? I really don't know. I like my writing. Maybe if others like my writing that aren't family and friends, and I like my writing, I'm a writer. 

I know sometimes when I am bored, I return to my blog, skip around a little, see a title that intrigues me, and I begin to read. A couple of weeks ago, it was a 3 part post. I've only written one 3 part post. I was emotional. It was an election year. It was politics. Haha. When I finished reading that 3 part post, I sat back and thought, "WOW, that was really good. I don't even remember writing that." 

I write because it teaches me. Usually, I have an idea. I just WANT to write, so I get on here and I start pounding it out. The amazing thing that happens is, when my fingers hit the keys, ideas being flowing and pouring through my fingers. I see them appear on the screen. Sometimes, there's an idea on the edge of my brain, not yet fully expressed. So, I look through a dictionary, scriptures, a talk, a video, and then the idea seems to solidify more, and get on the page.

Then I read. And edit. Read. Edit. Until I'm tired or it feels just right, and I press the publish button. Usually (not sure it will be the case this time, but I've always said this is only really for my own benefit of getting my thoughts down), I feel satisfied. So maybe that's a part of it.

I write. My husband likes it. I get my ideas on "paper." I feel satisfied. I share. My friends like it. Random hundreds read it. They don't respond, but they read. Months or years later, I read again. Sometimes I am moved to tears. Sometimes I think, "dang! that was good!" I am satisfied. I feel good. I write.

I guess that means....I'm a writer. 

"Judging" God

IAT = I am thankful

for random things that come out of my mouth that teach me.

I don't know why but I've been thinking a lot about judging lately. Just a few days ago, I wondered if it is the secret sin of our time. I think my children think it's about the worst crime you can commit against another person, because I hear a lot "stop judging me!" I don't usually remind them that it is my job to judge righteously and lead them to think differently, but....

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend and these words came out of my mouth. "I think when we judge others, we judge God." She asked me why I thought that, and I had to come up with an answer! :-) My response was, because we aren't allowing God to work in them for change. Or something like that. I've slept since then!

I think most of us understand that when we use the word judge as a verb against others, we have this in mind.

Because of this conversation, I decided to do a little digging. This past year as I studied health coaching, I learned about character strengths. Judgment is actually a character strength for some people and I had never really though of it that way. 

According to the VIA Institute, 

If Judgment is your top strength, thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

This is how judgment SHOULD be used, indeed when I went to the dictionary (Webster 1828 is my favorite) I found all kinds of satisfying definitions of the word judge that taught me. See them all here. http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/judge I particularly liked the non-emotional approach of the dictionary to this topic. I mean, WHY would a dictionary be emotional in the first place? Distinguishing truth from falsehood, forming an opinion, hearing and determining, discerning...these are all proper uses of judging. I think the definition we all seem to exercise best is, to censure rashly, to doom to punishment. 

But even the scriptures teach us the difference between the right way to judge, and the wrong way to judge. See condemnation in the dictionary as it seems to fit better.

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. John 7:24.

Not only that, but we know from scripture as well, that it is a greater sin to judge others (by not forgiving them) than the actual sin.

My question is why? In my pondering, I think at least for myself I may have come up with some answers.

I have written before about how the Lord prepares a way in advance for those who are righteous. It's intriguing to me that as I have a problem descending upon me, if I am faithful, there's already this pathway out of the problem, because God loves me enough to help by preparing the way before me. If I remember that, I can be comforted in my trials instead of overwhelmed.

So when I condemn or judge someone else unrighteously, I am coming to conclusions that may actually cause me to take action against them. Or my conclusions may prevent me from being a resource, a help, or just loving them in the way I should or they need. I wonder if instead of judging, I can pray in their behalf and I can ask for divine help in seeing them as they really are; in seeing them as God sees them?

In addition, when I judge someone, I am refusing to recognize the power of God to change them. I am refusing to acknowledge the way He may have prepared for THEM to accomplish a great work. I am refusing actually to even be a part of it. I am ultimately saying to God, I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU DO. I can see their faults, I can see their imperfections, I can see their sins, I can see their crimes, and I will not allow them to change!

Gulp! Kinda like allowing the atonement for us and our sins against others but not allowing the atonement for others sins and their sins against us.

As a coach, I try to ask questions that invite change. So, asking myself, when I am tempted to judge someone, what can I do instead? Can I feel compassion for the person in front of me, rather than condemnation? Can I ask for help in seeing them the right way? I think yes. The best example of that compassion that I know is the Savior of the world.

One of my favorite stories is how he dealt with the woman taken in adultery. Since you all know the story, I'll cut to my favorite part. Where He says, "Neither do I condemn thee." I was fascinated by that verbiage once when in the same week I read John 3:17.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

It seems like so many get it backwards by thinking that the Son came to condemn the world. Yes, He WILL judge the wicked, but He is really here to invite us into the most loving relationship we could ever experience, so that He can save us. How can we act similarly? What if we are the only person, a person who is being judged by us, ever meets that expresses the kind of compassion the Savior does? What if we are the one who is preparing a way for a person to change and God has put us in their path for that purpose? What if we dropped the condemnation for compassion?

I hope that I can. I hope that I can try a little harder from now on.

When We Ask Why

IAT = I am thankful

Several of my random thoughts have come together in the last few days giving me much to think about. 

I had heard some good things about this dramatization. This week was so busy I did not know how I'd fit in any scriptures, so I was wondering what I could do about it and decided it was time to listen to this. While I drove in and out of town, back and forth, and running errands, I listened. It was SO GOOD! Bruce Newbold's selections and portrayals from the words on the New Testament, brought the whole thing to life. It took me 2 days of running around to get to the end, and in the sixth track on day 2, (CD 2), I heard something that really stood out. Many of you will recognize his voice from other movies and productions.

Peter has drawn his sword in the garden to defend Jesus and cut off Malchus' ear. Bruce takes 2 different accounts and weaves them together.

Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it? Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be?

When just a few hours earlier Jesus had prayed, 

O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

"The cup which my Father hath given me" stood out. It just made me wonder about the much less bitter cups I've had to drink. And the cups others have had to drink. How many times have I prayed for a cup to pass from me, hoping I would not have to drink? My Father COULD take the cup from me, but what will not be fulfilled in my life that "must be" if my prayer is answered? Maybe that's the reason some of our answers to prayer are simply "no". There is a greater purpose in drinking the cup. For us or others.

I was still thinking about it this morning, 2 days later while I was getting ready for church, when another scripture came to mind from D and C.

Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit— and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink. Nevertheless, 

glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my reparations unto the children of men. 

Two more things occurred to me. First, the glory. Even though He knew to a degree what was coming, He did it for the glory of the Father and His preparations UNTO the children of men. Second, FEAR. I guess it never occurred to me that Jesus faced fear.  After all, He repeatedly and often encouraged to fear not, and questioned those who feared and had little faith. But there are a few examples that He may have known fear and doubt just as we all do. 

and began to be sore amazed, and to be very heavy; And saith unto them,  My soul is exceeding sorrowful 

Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me:

Nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.

Going back to the verses from the D and C, "would that I might not" DRINK and SHRINK. It sounds like there was hesitation. He wants to do what is right, but what if He shrinks? He clearly felt the gamut of human emotion during Gethsemane and the cross, including being completely alone as God withdrew, so He could carry it all, ultimately alone. Another light bulb today while listening to a lesson on the atonement with my Young Women.

Why? We so often ask the question why, when we must sip from a particularly bitter cup. Why is this happening? Why did....? Why? In this again, WE are not alone, but He was! He asked the same question.

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, WHY hast thou forsaken me?

For Him, there were only a few moments mercifully, that the question hung in the air unanswered. In those few moments and the hours preceding, He had every pain, sorrow, grief, stress and burden of all mankind one by one, on His shoulders. So, it was with mercy till that end, that He felt this way and asked the universal question. We also, may never know the answers to our questions why. HIS answer was for the GLORY OF GOD and FOR US. Our Father put every ounce of His trust into His Son who was willing to carry out the plan. If He failed, which I believe He could not do, then we all would have had to suffer eternally with no relief. But, He did not fail. He descended below all things because of love.

I've wondered why some may only have to sip from bitter cups here and there on occasion, and others seem to be carrying the topped off cup continuously, gulping and hanging on for dear life.  It is not for me to ask that question. I do know, that unlike the Savior who really did have to accomplish His task completely alone, we have help. He and the Father are there, watching over us, either offering relief through answered prayers, or holding us, comforting us, sending angels, and making it all right ultimately to our gain and Their glory. I'm so grateful, He walked alone that we might never have to.

If you like this post, please share or comment.

30 Years Together

IAT = I am thankful

for a friend to share my life with
for the goodness of his character
for the family we've created
for the blessings made up to me
for forever to get better and better

What I've got, what I've learned

WE WERE SO YOUNG!

Today is our anniversary. It's an amazing thing to contemplate that 30 years have gone by since the day he drove me from Provo to Salt Lake City surrounded only by his family and some of my friends, to be married. Because of that, the most joyful day of my life, was also the most stressful. It was strange and hard not to have my own dear people with me. I made the decision. Even though it was difficult, I've been blessed by it ever since.

 

I married this wonderful man who I probably didn't know well enough, taking a drastic leap of faith into a future that was unknown. Our personalities and sometimes our likes are very opposite. Our families and our pasts were opposite. But we shared a desire to succeed and we had tools at our access we didn't know the power of and didn't know we'd need.

Here are just a few of the things we like differently. I like the tp over. He likes it under. I squeeze from the end of the toothpaste. He squeezes in the middle. I'm a goofball in any crowd I feel comfortable. He's a goofball only at home with his family. I like the shower head on massage, he likes it on spray. I'm a health nut. He's the chef the kids want. I like veggies of every kind. He likes meat and potatoes. And bacon, green chile mac and cheese, sonoran hotdogs, tacos, Philly cheese steaks and the like. I like any salad, whole grains, and everything above that he cooks that I wouldn't dream of and feel guilty eating. He has zero food guilt.

He likes old movies and old music. He also likes action movies. I like touchy feely movies and inspiring movies and just about all kinds of music. But we both like buttered popcorn. He loves to just be in the same room with me. He likes to watch people, observe, listen. I want to talk his ear off and I want him to tell me everything he thinks. But he has to think things deeply through before he can answer me, so I often get an "I don't know." But he's tried very hard over the years to talk more. I like to interact with as many people as I can, but develop deep friendships. He's content with his family and whoever's in his presence currently to interact and befriend.

He uses a soft touch and a soft voice in discipline. I fly off the handle and fail miserably at reigning in my temper. So, when I know I'm really going to blow it, I make him have the hard conversations so I can retain love in my relationships. He drives with the seat tilted back, my whole family accuses me of sitting at a 90 degree angle. It's not quite 90! He walks slow and I walk fast. He drives slow and looks at everything. I drive fast and keep my eyes straight ahead while talking the ears off of anyone captive with me. I love stuff like olives, mushrooms, pickles....he doesn't. In the end, none of it matters because here we are 30 years later laughing over it, accepting it, and embracing it.

He's solid as a rock and I'm still a little flighty. He is the greatest example of humility and servant leadership I've ever seen. No, he wasn't born with it, it's developed beautifully over the years. Being a bishop caused an already kind and thoughtful man to exponentially expand into greatness. Over and over I've seen him put every single thing aside HE WANTED to do that day, to help his mother, a ward member, one of our children, me, his colleagues, or someone he has stewardship over. Visits, service, a listening ear, laughter, and work are common things he extends with barely a second thought. Is he perfect? No, he's not.

He's let me grow, stretch, reach, travel, make new friends, expand my own gifts and strengths so that I can serve more fully. He has supported me in nearly every endeavor I've ever suggested I might need. He's picked up the slack when there was plenty of it and extended patience and forgiveness when needed. I have no idea how I got so lucky.

I've learned a few things. I am sure he has too. I've learned marriage is extremely fragile and good intentions aren't enough for long term success. I didn't have a clue what I was getting into and parts of me have no idea how we got here! Raising children was only a little of what I thought it would be. It was infinitely more beautiful and infinitely harder and it still is! I didn't know that I could love someone so desperately, but also have moments of greater irritation than anyone. I never knew I could need so much patience on some days, and extend so much on others. I know I'M THE DIFFICULT one to live with. Because of that, I've tried hard to be easier to live with.

There were a couple of times I actually contemplated leaving. A combination of deep hurts, insecurity, and not really knowing how good I had it, nearly sidelined the whole thing. At a specific point, I made a conscious effort to turn my mind and heart away from trying to fix the perceived flaws I saw in him, and to work on the actual obvious ones in me. FOR ME, that's made all the difference. I often ask myself, will this matter in 6 months, 6 years, eternity? Is there anyone I'd rather walk this path of personal development and perfection with? NO!!!

We've created this wonderful, terrible, beautiful thing called a family. It is the greatest joy we have. There are a lot of things we've dreamed of and never done. But we're grateful for the little things we have accomplished. Time has helped us understand what is important. We've had enough close calls to know that life is precious. We've seen the suffering of others around us as second witnesses to that fact. We know we are blessed with more than we deserve, and so we try to do and be in a position to be worthy of what we do have. We are still failing regularly at our attempts to succeed, but learning every step of the way. There is nothing more important to us than being together, spending time, laughing, and just being a part of the daily functions of life.

Our anniversary is on a Sunday, so we won't be going to dinner and it's stake conference, so we're just enjoying it. I will be making him his favorites, and I'll be eating it with him. We asked each other what we "want" for this anniversary. We also aren't really into "things" necessarily. We have what we need so what more COULD we want? On our 25th anniversary, we saved all our pennies and went to Israel that Summer. We decided doing the same this year is the thing we really want. So that's our plan. I love this man who in spite of his weaknesses and mine, becomes dearer to me each day. Last week in church one of the speakers asked, when you think of the Savior, who is someone that you think of who is like Him? 2 names came immediately to mind. The first was my husband. I am so glad that is the case.

In spite of our many differences that I could just make a longer and longer list, we have common goals. We seek to be as the Savior and put Him first in our lives. We desire a happy family who loves each other and forgives each other and wants to be together. We want tons of grandkids and we want to figure out how to be with them and spend time with them and laugh with them. We want to leave a legacy of faith and devotion. We've learned there are secrets to succeeding and accomplishing our temporal and spiritual goals. We've learned we can trust the Lord and His promises AND His timing. Because of that, we want to do as He asks, so that we know we can go boldly to Him and "find grace to help in time of need."

Our longest term goal is to be married 75 years and both alive so we can make the church news 75 year anniversary announcement. Haha. I figure by then, 45 more years, we ought to have 25 ish grandkids and maybe twice as many greats. Our shortest term goal is to build one more home to finish out our days in, while we enjoy every day together; the good ones, and the tough ones.

Happy 30 years to my sweetheart.