"Judging" God

IAT = I am thankful

for random things that come out of my mouth that teach me.

I don't know why but I've been thinking a lot about judging lately. Just a few days ago, I wondered if it is the secret sin of our time. I think my children think it's about the worst crime you can commit against another person, because I hear a lot "stop judging me!" I don't usually remind them that it is my job to judge righteously and lead them to think differently, but....

Yesterday I was having a conversation with a friend and these words came out of my mouth. "I think when we judge others, we judge God." She asked me why I thought that, and I had to come up with an answer! :-) My response was, because we aren't allowing God to work in them for change. Or something like that. I've slept since then!

I think most of us understand that when we use the word judge as a verb against others, we have this in mind.

Because of this conversation, I decided to do a little digging. This past year as I studied health coaching, I learned about character strengths. Judgment is actually a character strength for some people and I had never really though of it that way. 

According to the VIA Institute, 

If Judgment is your top strength, thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.

This is how judgment SHOULD be used, indeed when I went to the dictionary (Webster 1828 is my favorite) I found all kinds of satisfying definitions of the word judge that taught me. See them all here. http://webstersdictionary1828.com/Dictionary/judge I particularly liked the non-emotional approach of the dictionary to this topic. I mean, WHY would a dictionary be emotional in the first place? Distinguishing truth from falsehood, forming an opinion, hearing and determining, discerning...these are all proper uses of judging. I think the definition we all seem to exercise best is, to censure rashly, to doom to punishment. 

But even the scriptures teach us the difference between the right way to judge, and the wrong way to judge. See condemnation in the dictionary as it seems to fit better.

Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment. John 7:24.

Not only that, but we know from scripture as well, that it is a greater sin to judge others (by not forgiving them) than the actual sin.

My question is why? In my pondering, I think at least for myself I may have come up with some answers.

I have written before about how the Lord prepares a way in advance for those who are righteous. It's intriguing to me that as I have a problem descending upon me, if I am faithful, there's already this pathway out of the problem, because God loves me enough to help by preparing the way before me. If I remember that, I can be comforted in my trials instead of overwhelmed.

So when I condemn or judge someone else unrighteously, I am coming to conclusions that may actually cause me to take action against them. Or my conclusions may prevent me from being a resource, a help, or just loving them in the way I should or they need. I wonder if instead of judging, I can pray in their behalf and I can ask for divine help in seeing them as they really are; in seeing them as God sees them?

In addition, when I judge someone, I am refusing to recognize the power of God to change them. I am refusing to acknowledge the way He may have prepared for THEM to accomplish a great work. I am refusing actually to even be a part of it. I am ultimately saying to God, I KNOW BETTER THAN YOU DO. I can see their faults, I can see their imperfections, I can see their sins, I can see their crimes, and I will not allow them to change!

Gulp! Kinda like allowing the atonement for us and our sins against others but not allowing the atonement for others sins and their sins against us.

As a coach, I try to ask questions that invite change. So, asking myself, when I am tempted to judge someone, what can I do instead? Can I feel compassion for the person in front of me, rather than condemnation? Can I ask for help in seeing them the right way? I think yes. The best example of that compassion that I know is the Savior of the world.

One of my favorite stories is how he dealt with the woman taken in adultery. Since you all know the story, I'll cut to my favorite part. Where He says, "Neither do I condemn thee." I was fascinated by that verbiage once when in the same week I read John 3:17.

For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.

It seems like so many get it backwards by thinking that the Son came to condemn the world. Yes, He WILL judge the wicked, but He is really here to invite us into the most loving relationship we could ever experience, so that He can save us. How can we act similarly? What if we are the only person, a person who is being judged by us, ever meets that expresses the kind of compassion the Savior does? What if we are the one who is preparing a way for a person to change and God has put us in their path for that purpose? What if we dropped the condemnation for compassion?

I hope that I can. I hope that I can try a little harder from now on.

When We Ask Why

IAT = I am thankful

Several of my random thoughts have come together in the last few days giving me much to think about. 

I had heard some good things about this dramatization. This week was so busy I did not know how I'd fit in any scriptures, so I was wondering what I could do about it and decided it was time to listen to this. While I drove in and out of town, back and forth, and running errands, I listened. It was SO GOOD! Bruce Newbold's selections and portrayals from the words on the New Testament, brought the whole thing to life. It took me 2 days of running around to get to the end, and in the sixth track on day 2, (CD 2), I heard something that really stood out. Many of you will recognize his voice from other movies and productions.

Peter has drawn his sword in the garden to defend Jesus and cut off Malchus' ear. Bruce takes 2 different accounts and weaves them together.

Then said Jesus unto Peter, Put up thy sword into the sheath: the cup which my Father hath given me, shall I not drink it? Thinkest thou that I cannot now pray to my Father, and he shall presently give me more than twelve legions of angels? But how then shall the scriptures be fulfilled, that it must be?

When just a few hours earlier Jesus had prayed, 

O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done.

"The cup which my Father hath given me" stood out. It just made me wonder about the much less bitter cups I've had to drink. And the cups others have had to drink. How many times have I prayed for a cup to pass from me, hoping I would not have to drink? My Father COULD take the cup from me, but what will not be fulfilled in my life that "must be" if my prayer is answered? Maybe that's the reason some of our answers to prayer are simply "no". There is a greater purpose in drinking the cup. For us or others.

I was still thinking about it this morning, 2 days later while I was getting ready for church, when another scripture came to mind from D and C.

Which suffering caused myself, even God, the greatest of all, to tremble because of pain, and to bleed at every pore, and to suffer both body and spirit— and would that I might not drink the bitter cup, and shrink. Nevertheless, 

glory be to the Father, and I partook and finished my reparations unto the children of men. 

Two more things occurred to me. First, the glory. Even though He knew to a degree what was coming, He did it for the glory of the Father and His preparations UNTO the children of men. Second, FEAR. I guess it never occurred to me that Jesus faced fear.  After all, He repeatedly and often encouraged to fear not, and questioned those who feared and had little faith. But there are a few examples that He may have known fear and doubt just as we all do. 

and began to be sore amazed, and to be very heavy; And saith unto them,  My soul is exceeding sorrowful 

Abba, Father, all things are possible unto thee; take away this cup from me:

Nevertheless not what I will, but what thou wilt.

Going back to the verses from the D and C, "would that I might not" DRINK and SHRINK. It sounds like there was hesitation. He wants to do what is right, but what if He shrinks? He clearly felt the gamut of human emotion during Gethsemane and the cross, including being completely alone as God withdrew, so He could carry it all, ultimately alone. Another light bulb today while listening to a lesson on the atonement with my Young Women.

Why? We so often ask the question why, when we must sip from a particularly bitter cup. Why is this happening? Why did....? Why? In this again, WE are not alone, but He was! He asked the same question.

And at the ninth hour Jesus cried with a loud voice, saying, Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani? which is, being interpreted, My God, my God, WHY hast thou forsaken me?

For Him, there were only a few moments mercifully, that the question hung in the air unanswered. In those few moments and the hours preceding, He had every pain, sorrow, grief, stress and burden of all mankind one by one, on His shoulders. So, it was with mercy till that end, that He felt this way and asked the universal question. We also, may never know the answers to our questions why. HIS answer was for the GLORY OF GOD and FOR US. Our Father put every ounce of His trust into His Son who was willing to carry out the plan. If He failed, which I believe He could not do, then we all would have had to suffer eternally with no relief. But, He did not fail. He descended below all things because of love.

I've wondered why some may only have to sip from bitter cups here and there on occasion, and others seem to be carrying the topped off cup continuously, gulping and hanging on for dear life.  It is not for me to ask that question. I do know, that unlike the Savior who really did have to accomplish His task completely alone, we have help. He and the Father are there, watching over us, either offering relief through answered prayers, or holding us, comforting us, sending angels, and making it all right ultimately to our gain and Their glory. I'm so grateful, He walked alone that we might never have to.

If you like this post, please share or comment.

30 Years Together

IAT = I am thankful

for a friend to share my life with
for the goodness of his character
for the family we've created
for the blessings made up to me
for forever to get better and better

What I've got, what I've learned

WE WERE SO YOUNG!

Today is our anniversary. It's an amazing thing to contemplate that 30 years have gone by since the day he drove me from Provo to Salt Lake City surrounded only by his family and some of my friends, to be married. Because of that, the most joyful day of my life, was also the most stressful. It was strange and hard not to have my own dear people with me. I made the decision. Even though it was difficult, I've been blessed by it ever since.

 

I married this wonderful man who I probably didn't know well enough, taking a drastic leap of faith into a future that was unknown. Our personalities and sometimes our likes are very opposite. Our families and our pasts were opposite. But we shared a desire to succeed and we had tools at our access we didn't know the power of and didn't know we'd need.

Here are just a few of the things we like differently. I like the tp over. He likes it under. I squeeze from the end of the toothpaste. He squeezes in the middle. I'm a goofball in any crowd I feel comfortable. He's a goofball only at home with his family. I like the shower head on massage, he likes it on spray. I'm a health nut. He's the chef the kids want. I like veggies of every kind. He likes meat and potatoes. And bacon, green chile mac and cheese, sonoran hotdogs, tacos, Philly cheese steaks and the like. I like any salad, whole grains, and everything above that he cooks that I wouldn't dream of and feel guilty eating. He has zero food guilt.

He likes old movies and old music. He also likes action movies. I like touchy feely movies and inspiring movies and just about all kinds of music. But we both like buttered popcorn. He loves to just be in the same room with me. He likes to watch people, observe, listen. I want to talk his ear off and I want him to tell me everything he thinks. But he has to think things deeply through before he can answer me, so I often get an "I don't know." But he's tried very hard over the years to talk more. I like to interact with as many people as I can, but develop deep friendships. He's content with his family and whoever's in his presence currently to interact and befriend.

He uses a soft touch and a soft voice in discipline. I fly off the handle and fail miserably at reigning in my temper. So, when I know I'm really going to blow it, I make him have the hard conversations so I can retain love in my relationships. He drives with the seat tilted back, my whole family accuses me of sitting at a 90 degree angle. It's not quite 90! He walks slow and I walk fast. He drives slow and looks at everything. I drive fast and keep my eyes straight ahead while talking the ears off of anyone captive with me. I love stuff like olives, mushrooms, pickles....he doesn't. In the end, none of it matters because here we are 30 years later laughing over it, accepting it, and embracing it.

He's solid as a rock and I'm still a little flighty. He is the greatest example of humility and servant leadership I've ever seen. No, he wasn't born with it, it's developed beautifully over the years. Being a bishop caused an already kind and thoughtful man to exponentially expand into greatness. Over and over I've seen him put every single thing aside HE WANTED to do that day, to help his mother, a ward member, one of our children, me, his colleagues, or someone he has stewardship over. Visits, service, a listening ear, laughter, and work are common things he extends with barely a second thought. Is he perfect? No, he's not.

He's let me grow, stretch, reach, travel, make new friends, expand my own gifts and strengths so that I can serve more fully. He has supported me in nearly every endeavor I've ever suggested I might need. He's picked up the slack when there was plenty of it and extended patience and forgiveness when needed. I have no idea how I got so lucky.

I've learned a few things. I am sure he has too. I've learned marriage is extremely fragile and good intentions aren't enough for long term success. I didn't have a clue what I was getting into and parts of me have no idea how we got here! Raising children was only a little of what I thought it would be. It was infinitely more beautiful and infinitely harder and it still is! I didn't know that I could love someone so desperately, but also have moments of greater irritation than anyone. I never knew I could need so much patience on some days, and extend so much on others. I know I'M THE DIFFICULT one to live with. Because of that, I've tried hard to be easier to live with.

There were a couple of times I actually contemplated leaving. A combination of deep hurts, insecurity, and not really knowing how good I had it, nearly sidelined the whole thing. At a specific point, I made a conscious effort to turn my mind and heart away from trying to fix the perceived flaws I saw in him, and to work on the actual obvious ones in me. FOR ME, that's made all the difference. I often ask myself, will this matter in 6 months, 6 years, eternity? Is there anyone I'd rather walk this path of personal development and perfection with? NO!!!

We've created this wonderful, terrible, beautiful thing called a family. It is the greatest joy we have. There are a lot of things we've dreamed of and never done. But we're grateful for the little things we have accomplished. Time has helped us understand what is important. We've had enough close calls to know that life is precious. We've seen the suffering of others around us as second witnesses to that fact. We know we are blessed with more than we deserve, and so we try to do and be in a position to be worthy of what we do have. We are still failing regularly at our attempts to succeed, but learning every step of the way. There is nothing more important to us than being together, spending time, laughing, and just being a part of the daily functions of life.

Our anniversary is on a Sunday, so we won't be going to dinner and it's stake conference, so we're just enjoying it. I will be making him his favorites, and I'll be eating it with him. We asked each other what we "want" for this anniversary. We also aren't really into "things" necessarily. We have what we need so what more COULD we want? On our 25th anniversary, we saved all our pennies and went to Israel that Summer. We decided doing the same this year is the thing we really want. So that's our plan. I love this man who in spite of his weaknesses and mine, becomes dearer to me each day. Last week in church one of the speakers asked, when you think of the Savior, who is someone that you think of who is like Him? 2 names came immediately to mind. The first was my husband. I am so glad that is the case.

In spite of our many differences that I could just make a longer and longer list, we have common goals. We seek to be as the Savior and put Him first in our lives. We desire a happy family who loves each other and forgives each other and wants to be together. We want tons of grandkids and we want to figure out how to be with them and spend time with them and laugh with them. We want to leave a legacy of faith and devotion. We've learned there are secrets to succeeding and accomplishing our temporal and spiritual goals. We've learned we can trust the Lord and His promises AND His timing. Because of that, we want to do as He asks, so that we know we can go boldly to Him and "find grace to help in time of need."

Our longest term goal is to be married 75 years and both alive so we can make the church news 75 year anniversary announcement. Haha. I figure by then, 45 more years, we ought to have 25 ish grandkids and maybe twice as many greats. Our shortest term goal is to build one more home to finish out our days in, while we enjoy every day together; the good ones, and the tough ones.

Happy 30 years to my sweetheart.

Ringing in the New

IAT = I am always thankful

Happy 2018. For the first time last year, rather than jump all in with 10 crazy goals and lose power after the first week, I chose a word to represent what I hoped I would be more of. The word was present. Well, sometimes I'm pretty good at it and other times, not so much. So, as I reviewed last year and thought about this year, I wondered, is there a word that would help me to be more present? Immediately I thought of the word mindful. It's hard to be present if you aren't present, which takes being mindful. So, it's brought to you by the letter M and Phillipians 2:5.

Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus.

Yep. That's ultimate mindfulness.

My schooling and current career are winding down and I am moving into new things.

I'm a goal oriented gal.

 But I love my people more than anything.

And here we go. I hope this year will be more successful. And more mindFUL.

2017 In Review

IAT = I am thankful

It's been a year of ups and downs. Mostly ups. We are grateful for health and happiness every day.

Bret is still working with church education as an Institute instructor, still a counselor in the bishopric. This year serving over the Institute student council. It's hard to believe we are actually beginning to talk about retirement and hoping it comes sooner than later. He loves tinkering in the shop on any of the problems that happen with vehicles and on the property with other projects. Next year, possibly building a house. 

I have been attending the Functional Medicine Coaching Academy this year. I will graduate with a health and wellness certification in January with the 3rd class. I can sit for national certification in June, only the second group to do so. I am excited about my future and opportunities doing something I love. Combining coaching, Functional medicine, nutrition, positive psychology, mind-body medicine, and the psychology of eating. They wrapped everything I'm interested in up into one program. I'm enjoying my 2nd year as YW Pres, along with a busy successful real estate year. I look forward to the transition out of something that has been so good to us over the last few years to something that will be so much more fitted for my personal joys.

Drew and Liz moved in next door! They did a total home remodel and it's beautiful! So now they are our neighbors and ward members and we love being able to see them impromptu often. Elizabeth is working with me in Young Women's. Andrew is teaching Sunday School. Our little cuties are getting bigger and we love being able to see them whenever we want. Charity upped the ante (from broken bones previously) when she was hospitalized with appendicitis earlier this year and had it removed. Elizabeth is enjoying being a Junie Blake consultant (modest clothing) and teaching Chinese kids English through VIP kids.

Chris and Anica are always on the go and enjoying everything they can about life! Chris is attending the Thunderbird School of Global Management for a Master's degree. Anica is starting a new job at U of A running their MBA program. They've moved to Tucson and Chris is continuing in the solar industry while going to school. They love traveling, making friends wherever they go, entertainment, and their sweet little Yorkiepoo Ruby. Anica has a beautiful blog. http://anicarose.com/

The rest of the boys. Joseph has been busy figuring out his next step with some unexpected changes. He briefly lived in California and is now closer to home finishing his associates at EAC. He's filling our home and lives and community with laughter and music. He was able to take a trip to China earlier this year with friends and loved it.

Jefferson came home from his mission to Oklahoma. Always joyful to get them back after loaning them out for two years! He got his real estate license and in January is moving to the Salt Lake City area for new career opportunities. You can't imagine how happy it makes me for all of us to be "together" in our various ways and spaces.

Noah has been attending an online charter school and our local college. He decided not to finish after this semester but will get his GED and work more hours to save and prepare for his mission when the time is right. He aged out of the college plays he has enjoyed and we look forward to seeing how some of those talents continue to develop. He has a beautiful voice that we hope he pursues developing.

Emily finished her associates degree this month and gets to figure out the next steps in life. She moved out on her own and it's fun to see her pop in and out from time to time. Busy college girl, doing very well in her studies. She works at our local Hawaiian restaurant and nannies part time.

And Olivia. Olivia started her first year of high school at Pima High School. Hard to believe the baby is a freshman. And we've now had a child in every high school in this valley. She played volleyball this year, continues her art lessons and is taking piano. She's still a smiley happy girl and we hope she stays that way.

I am reminded often how much we have to be grateful for. Most of all, a Savior in whom we trust and hope. How thankful we are to have such knowledge to rely on. Merry Christmas to all of our friends and family near and far. 

YOU're Responsible

IAT = I am thankful for

CHRISTMAS.

How has six months gone by without a post? No wonder my brain is broken. If I can't take a few minutes every few weeks.....

You can't get very far into personal development without running into the idea that we are responsible for where we are in life. You can blame, whine, complain all you want, but it doesn't change anything. No, you may not have been responsible for how or where or when you were born, or how you were raised, but eventually you DO have some responsibility for yourself.

Too many people are too quick to think they have no influence on where they are in their lives. It takes a long time to realize that you can control, not only how you feel, but how you live. One of my favorite bits of info comes from a really old book. 

There is a thinking stuff from which all things are made, and which, in its original state, permeates, penetrates, and fills the interspaces of the universe.

A thought, in this substance, Produces the thing that is imaged by the thought.

Man can form things in his thought, and, by impressing his thought upon formless substance, can cause the thing he thinks about to be created.

What that says is, YOU ARE WHERE YOU THINK YOU ARE. Negative thoughts absolutely bring negative outcomes. Positive thoughts bring positive outcomes. All. The. Time. You are thinking yourself into your reality and you can think yourself out of it. If you pick up a personal development book and it doesn't have that in there somewhere, move on to another book. If this is new to you, I know what look you have on your face, because I used to have that look on my face.

 Anyway, I was thrilled to read a talk recently that brought the idea into the gospel setting. Because *I* see the principle woven through the scriptures and in talks all the time, but to have the title actually be BE 100% RESPONSIBLE? Too good to be true. I love devotionals and firesides, because we get the deep stuff from the GAs. A fifteen minute conference talk just scrapes the surface.

So read this because it's awesome sauce and try to get it through your head. If you want better circumstances, you have to BELIEVE they are possible, THINK about different circumstances, ACT in every way to bring it about and be GRATEFUL that your circumstances are already changed. Then PERSIST in the thought until the reality has arrived.

Click this.
BE 100% RESPONSIBLE

Here are some of my favorites from it.

complete and total agency comes with complete and total responsibility:

The Anti-Responsibility List (so good!)

It is important to recognize that excuses never equal results. In the case of Laman and Lemuel, all the excuses in the world could never obtain the brass plates. The reason Nephi obtained the plates and Laman and Lemuel didn’t is because Nephi never went to the anti-responsibility list. He was a champion, and champions do not turn to the list.

Having faith in Jesus Christ is to trust that because of His atoning sacrifice, He will correct all injustices, restore all things lost, and mend all things broken, including hearts. He will make all things right, not leaving any detail unattended. Therefore, “ye ought to say in your hearts—let God judge between me and thee, and reward thee according to thy deeds” 

In summary, being 100 percent responsible is accepting yourself as the person in control of your life. If others are at fault and need to change before further progress is made, then you are at their mercy and they are in control over the positive outcomes or desired results in your life. Agency and responsibility are inseparably connected. You cannot avoid responsibility without also diminishing agency. Mercy and justice are also inseparable. You cannot deny the Lord’s justice without also impeding His mercy. Oh, how Satan loves to divide complementary principles and laugh at the resulting devastation!

Just go read it. And then start practicing it. I started 11 years ago. I'm a completely different person and I hope in 11 more years, I'll be completely different again. I hope in a good way.  

Love. Love. LOVE.

IAT = I am thankful

for wisdom.

About three months ago, I was given the opportunity to speak at our Stake Women's Conference. It was a lovely evening with speakers far more talented and entertaining than I. I had over a month to prepare and I am not sure that helped. It just made me so nervous because my topic was the atonement (The Refiner's Fire) and that's not something you can really joke your way through. On top of that, I felt very strongly that I was to tell my story. Again. Something I don't really enjoy telling. But, I did, and in the telling were these words.

What is the first great commandment? Anyone?

Love God with ALL, heart, soul, strength, mind. The scriptures tell us NOTHING can separate us from the love of God, and He wants us to return that love back to Him. That may be half the problem right there. Do we really love Him so much with ALL that we have and are that we trust Him rather than doubt Him? Do we accept the things we cannot change rather than worry, wring our hands, and whine about our lot to anyone who will listen?

What’s the second?

Love thy neighbor as THYSELF. What do we know about these 2 commandments and the rest of the law and prophets?

It all hangs on these two. L-O-V-E. Every single commandment is about love.

So after I gave my talk, these thoughts kept coming back to me again and again. I pondered these 2 great commandments. What came to me was to strip them down to the very bare bones. So, I came up with Love God. Love self. Love others. But I felt like they should be stripped down ever farther. It's obvious when you see them like that. Love. Love. Love.

"So that's it." I thought. All the other commandments hang on love. Wait. The 2 great COMMANDMENTS are simply L-O-V-E? LOVE.

When your heart is broken---LOVE.
When God doesn't seem to hear you---LOVE
When someone mistreats you---LOVE
When your toddler throws a tantrum---LOVE
When your teen is pregnant---LOVE
When your children forget you---LOVE
When someone hurts your children---yes---LOVE
When you are criticized---LOVE
When your parents aren't who you thought they were---LOVE
When you aren't recognized---LOVE
When you want to lash out---LOVE
When you want to cry---LOVE
When you want to die---LOVE

I realize it's easier said than done. However, we get plenty of opportunities to do it every day. We're not to preach or teach or judge or turn our backs. We are to follow the Master in His example of love.

There is it again. A commandment. Look around you. Find someone loving, and follow their lead. What do they do? Study the life of the Savior, the greatest example of love there ever is or was. Look around you. See anyone suffering? Pull up a chair, or a blanket, or a shovel, and just love them. Don't forget to be kind and loving to yourself.