Virtue Bandits

It seems the older I get, the more I want to experience lovely things. Whether it is a lovely conversation with a friend that I know won't gossip, swear, or speak of "boorish" things, as my grandmother would refer to them. Or listening to peaceful, uplifting, spiritual music. Or reading things that lift my spirit and fill my mind with good and interesting things. And then there's tv and movies. I basically don't watch tv anymore because I find it so offensive and who knows when an inappropriate ad will show itself. And I choose my PG-13s very carefully. I'd rather stay safely in G or PG land.

Of course, on occasion, I crank up a "party" tune. I watch a movie I wish I hadn't because it just had "a little bit of bad" stuff in it. Or I don't stop someone when they say something in my presence we both know they shouldn't have. Or vice versa. But on the whole, I am seeking to live a virtuous life.

vir·tu·ous

 adj \ˈvər-chə-wəs, ˈvərch-wəs\

Definition of VIRTUOUS

1: potent, efficacious

2:

a : having or exhibiting virtue — (see virtue) b : morally excellent : righteous virtuous decision;

3:

: chaste

Last week, I realized, that sometimes, in spite of all you do, things can sneak in under the radar and blow you totally out of the water. I had four or five texts come in on my phone all at once. They were pictures. The first one was Home Depot. Delete. The next one was Lowes. Delete. Why am I getting these? And each delete I thought would erase the whole thread. The next one I won't describe, but I gasped and put the phone to my body and tried to figure out what to do. It was extremely disturbing.


I called my friend who is an attorney. He said he did not think there was much I could do. I looked at the number (something I should have done first, but I don't always recognize my friends' numbers and they are not all in my address book). He suggested I call an officer friend we know. I called him. He said about the same thing. But I gave him the number. I called the number to see if I recognized it and I did not. A hispanic male whose name I did not recognize. I probably should not have, but I sent him a text saying to never ever text me again. He apologized, but what good did that do? He had misdialed. Great!


And it went downhill from there. It was Saturday morning and I felt numb and angry. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I tried to get that image out of my head, the more upset I became. I literally felt violated. I felt dirty and tearful. I tried to stay busy. But my head kept pulling the image up and it was making me sick and unhappy.


I just did the best I could. But as we prepared to go to a semi-annual area church meeting we call Stake Conference, I was hoping like everything that I would be able to focus on the beautiful music and messages and not let this experience ruin the evening. It was work! In fact, I did not completely succeed. By the end of the meeting, it was all I could do to keep the tears back. I wasn't doing a very good job as it was. Fortunately, I had been to the temple the day before. I did feel some of that peace carrying over to the day. But, I asked the Bish to please give me a blessing. I felt blessed that the Beast was home for Spring Break and was able to help.


The blessing was a great comfort. There was rebuking and inviting of angels, and my troubled emotions immediately began to settle. I am so grateful for Priesthood blessings! By the time I got home, I was feeling happy and the image was beginning to fade. I continue to pray that the Light of Christ will so fill my mind, that it will completely erase it from every neuron in my brain. After not even a week, I have to consciously try to pull it up and so I am hoping for that prayer to be answered. I also contacted a friend who helps people release their addictions to pornography, to see if he had any other suggestions. I thought it was interesting that he noted, that sometimes evil spirits are often attached to these kinds of images, especially when someone is addicted, but he encouraged me to use methods that would cast out any evil spirits. 


I was singing in the choir on Sunday at our meetings and again, I did not want to be influenced by the events of the day before. So, before the meetings started, I went off by myself and did many rounds of my wonderful EFT technique, took a deep breath, and hoped for the best. Success! Beautiful music, beautiful conference, and not one second's disturbance. I am so very grateful for blessings, prayer, and emotional tools. I am feeling much more at peace, but it is a testimony to me that we must be on guard at all times. And the answer to filth is virtue and purity. We cannot afford to be slothful in creating homes of safety. We must teach our children the tricks of the adversary. We must instill in them their beauty and worth, so they feel no need to fill their emptiness in other ways. We need to relate to each other and love one another, rather than creating walls between us.


May we all be vigilant in our quest to maintain strong families. I'm up for the task. I hope you are too.

MOTHERS FOR Morality: http://www.causes.com/causes/594146

Ranting! I do it on occasion

Well, I have become a naturally positive person. Sometimes I have to bite my tongue HARD. So, I'll start positive and try to end positive. I can't guarantee the middle. I'm human after all.

On a positive note, this was something that really made me happy last week. I actually felt tremendous joy as we all watched maybe hundreds of dolphins off the bow of this boat in San Diego. I was a chaperone with a group of kids who spent the year working for a trip to Sea Camp.



So, when we flew out from Phx airport, I went through normal security procedures that we have had in our country since shortly after 9/11. You all know them. Phx has not yet brought in the body scanners. I have tremendous objections to these machines for many reasons. Unfortunately, on our trip home, the San Diego airport did have the scanners. I did not even realize it until I was putting my bins and belongings down and saw a woman out of the corner of my eye assuming the scan position. Uh-oh. Is this just a pull one or two out of line thing or does everyone get it? Nope. Everyone gets it. Aw CRIKEY!

So, my brain does a quick, what the heck am I going to do and what about my teen daughter? Processing all of that in a split second, remembering that I decided when the time comes, I was going for the pat down. And seeing that fortunately (yes, there was a positive!) the youth in our group, were going through the old normal procedures and walking through the beeper things we all used to enjoy and not appreciate so much.

So, it's my turn, and I ask the very nice TSA lady, what if I don't want to be scanned? "You want a pat down?" "Yes, I do." She was nice enough not to fulfill my greatest fear at the moment and not shout at the top of her lungs, "We got a pat down here!" Another very nice TSA lady employee escorted me out of the way, asked me to sit, and explained what she would do. She asked me if I wanted to be screened privately and I declined. And then I celebrated my anniversary with my very first patdown. Woohoo!!!!!!!!!! Yeah baby!

Um, it wasn't all that bad. It was a little embarrassing, because people now know I am objecting to my other option. She is running her hands all down my body. But I was really scared she'd do the very extra personal pat down that we've read about in the papers. Nope. Didn't happen. My first thought was, "well, it wasn't that bad, I guess I can keep flying." And my second thought was sadness and some anger. Sad, that we have reached a point in this country that every American citizen who flies is seen as a potential criminal for the actions of a few. And angry that more Americans do not realize that we are laying down and letting them trample our rights. It is not the duty of the government to "keep us safe." It is the duty of the government to protect our rights. I agree with Ron Paul on this.



There is an inherent risk in getting out of bed in the morning. Heck people die in bed in their sleep for cryin' out loud! Nowhere is completely 100% safe. Remember the cry of Patrick Henry? "Give me liberty or give me death!" Well, we are giving up our liberty, we are submitting to an out of control monster that runs our lives, and our cry is becoming, "give me safety or give me death." It's something I fear we won't wake up from. No one can make us totally safe, without taking most of our freedom. Have we reached that point? How many successful terror attacks have their been on American soil since 9/11? We should rise up as the colonists did and REFUSE to accept this. It does not make us safer. It only makes us less free.

That's just the freedom issue. There's also the health issue. We have just undertaken a huge science experiment with the health of the American people as the experiment. It's x-ray technology! I once read about the history and development of  x-rays/ It's NOT a pretty story. When it was first discovered, those discovering had no idea what they were messing with. X-rays build up cumulatively in the body. That means the damage that is done with one, is added to each and every one you do on top of that first one. The fewer you have, the better. The more you have, the more your health risks for cancer increase.

Body Scanner Risks

I've had enough x-rays, that I don't want to add more, and I have a family history of cancer that I do not want to increase. So, there you have it. In my next rant, I'll talk about privacy, bathrooms, and open doors. But you might have to even remind me to rant. :-)

On a positive note, my life and particularly my family room are coming back together nicely. And I am so happy that my dear hubby and I have just passed the 23 year landmark. Airport scanners aside, it was lovely to get off the plane, and find my hubby waiting for me. I just love him.

Gift #5, "It's a girl!"

See? It's February, and I get distracted. So, I only have two more to go. Having four little boys was a whole heckuvalottuv fun. I liked being unique in that way and four little boys really are just so dang cute in their own rough and tumble way. But, I longed for a little girl. I quit longing so much after the experience with Jefferson, but I couldn't wait for pink and curls and ribbons and lace and softness and an expression of me that was more close to me. If you know what I mean.

And there was a part of me that wanted a little girl because I felt it would make all the wrong parts of the past, right. I hoped that in some way, I could heal and reverse not having a mother; that relationship that to me, not having had one present seems the most sacred. I am setting aside the marriage relationship as I say that, but everyone wants to need their mommy so to speak. One of my favorite lines from a movie is a scene from Hook. After behaving badly, the daughter of Pan says about Hook, "he needs a mommy very very badly!" And I often say that under my breath when some adult or child acts unseemly.

I still remember the day I got the news. I had another friend who was expecting. She was a few months farther along than I, and we shared the same doctor and so would ride over to Silver City together for appointments. Bret wasn't able to take off work for the ultrasound, so I asked her to go with me. It's funny remembering back how before this one, I could never recognize looking at the picture right before me, the boys on screen. Maybe it was a subconscious desire to hold out hope for pink instead of blue. But I remember clearly seeing "the evidence" on the screen and my heart leaping for joy. My friend rejoiced with me and we celebrated. A girl. It seemed unbelievable and I did actually remain reservedly optimistic in the event that it turned out to be another darling boy.

In July, Shelly had a beautiful baby girl and named her Emily Katherine. I was so excited that our girls would be friends. And I could not wait until Savannah joined our family. Huh you say? Savannah who? Well....her name was Savannah for 8 months. That was the name I wanted for her. But only a few weeks before her birth, her daddy confessed that he did not like that name. I suppose I could have been stubborn instead of disappointed, but I so wanted all of our children's names to be an agreement. So, I gave him a piece of paper (I might have actually flung it at him), and told him to write down his five top girl names. And I took a piece of paper and wrote down my five. I wish we had saved the paper. Emily was on both lists. Oh dear! I know that no one owns the rights to a name, but I never thought I'd be naming my daughter the same thing as my friend.

So three weeks before she came, I showed up on Shelly's door step bawling and asking if she would be upset if I named my daughter the same name. If she felt differently than she stated, I couldn't tell. She was extremely gracious and understanding and assured me it would be fine and she would be honored. So, the day came that our first daughter joined our family one evening in November. I loved the name Anne and it had to be spelled with an e because of my love of Anne of Green Gables.

The two Emilys in 2007

I look back now and can't really imagine her as Savannah, because she seems all Emily to me. She's had a smile from almost day one. We had a scare with RSV when she was 6 weeks old and was hospitalized. I was finishing her blessing dress while I sat with her in the hospital and wondered if she would be blessed in it or buried in it. I had to cast that thought aside because I could not bear to think of it. Of course, she recovered. She's had her daddy wound around her finger from day one. And her momma too.

I was determined not to have a screamer and she was gently reprimanded whenever she did scream. She temporarily carried the nickname Emzilla because she had this growly scream that she let loose when she was unhappy. But it was funny at the same time. Emily is bubbly, social, kind, and smart. I can hardly think of her without a smile on her face. She is an amazing helper, a great older sister, and becoming quite the beautiful young lady. My greatest desire is that she will realize that the beauty she has on the inside is so much more important than any natural beauty she has on the outside. Outward beauty is not earned or created, only to the extent that inward beauty (that must be cultivated) is expressed.

She's a typical girly-girl, but can hold her own with her brothers and sports. She has brought a dimension to my life that I cannot describe. I am so grateful she came to our family and I hope as the years pass that we will be the best of friends and that she will want to share her joys and sorrows with me. My greatest joy as my children have grown is to grow more into friendship and to see them blossom as they discover their talents and interests. I love you Emily. You are a joy and a blessing!!!

YOU are God's GIFT to the World

I haven't had the worst life in the world. In fact, all things considered, it's been pretty good. It started a little bumpy. I almost wasn't born. My parents split up before I was a twinkle in their eye and then they tried to reunite and well, they got me. There is a dispute over whether or not I was "wanted." And that's all I'll say about that. When I was about 4, my parents and my older brother joined the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. I remember sitting on someone's lap and watching. I remember my daddy carrying me into church in a dress.

When I was 5, there were big ugly fights, custody battles, bad adult behavior. And it ended with my brother and me being "illegally transported" out of the state. Although, at the time, it was not a Federal crime. My mother worked hard to make sure that it was in the future. As in now. So, I grew up without a mom. There was abuse before the split up and some after. Even though the adults thought I did not miss my mom, the fact is, I did. Maybe I missed being a family. Good or bad, it was my family.

My dad was a good dad. I knew he loved me. He did his best. My brother, as tumultuous as it was to have an older brother; also loved me. He gave himself permission to beat up on me, but watch out if anyone else did! My Granny and my dear auntie Mo were there as back up moms. They taught me the feminine skills that I had when I left home. I am grateful for their influence.

But, I came away from my childhood with a very keen poor self worth. I thought I was ugly and dumb and worthless. But, I had a happy personality and I got along. Those untruthful labels got a real beating, when at 19, my briefly renewed relationship with my mother ended tragically, at her own hand. I plunged into a quiet depression I am pretty sure most people weren't aware of. Maybe it wasn't depression. But I felt responsible for my mother's death and I was very sad for almost a full year.

Fast forward through marriage, motherhood, lessons, successes, failures to a few years ago. I had found and learned and been applying a new tool. EFT. If you know me at all, you know I use it. If you don't know what it is, just go to my website. www.dailyabundance.net I have no idea what I was working on, but I was using a book of affirmations to replace the negative with positive. I did not expect the one I came upon which not only stopped me in my tracks, but caused me to weep. "I am God's gift to the world."

I immediately knew it was true, and my heart expanded at the knowledge. I pondered on it for quite some time before it really became a part of me. I thought about my Savior Jesus Christ.

"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

God gave His Son as a gift to the world. He created an amazing plan for all of us to return to Him and he put all of His effort into one solution. To save the world. I thought about that. I thought about the children I had been putting so much effort into to rear and train and eventually send out into the world. I thought how my efforts were a gift to the world, and how I desperately wanted each of my dear offspring to succeed; to become what they were meant to be; and to change the world in the ways they are meant to. It made perfect sense. God gave His only begotten Son for a purpose. And each of His other billions of children who came into the world are also a gift with a purpose; to bless the lives of others.

It's kind of crazy, but it took me awhile to extrapolate my new found joy to others. I'm a little slow sometimes. So, on occasion, I had the opportunity to be at the right place and the right time, in someone's presence who needed the message I had found for myself. And I have shared with that person in that moment, that THEY are also God's gift to the world.

It did not occur to me until last week at the Master of Influence seminar, as we were assigned to share "our" message, that this *IS* my message. To share with any who need or any I come in contact with, that they are each uniquely God's gift to the world. Have you ever considered that? YOU, right there, sitting in your chair or at your desk, YOU have unique gifts and talents given only to you, to change the lives of others in ways, that NO ONE ELSE CAN!!!

Kirk Duncan told us at the seminar that inspiration minus expression equals depression. Wow! What an insight. How often do we have something to say and for whatever reason, we do not express it? How do YOU feel when that happens? Depressed is my guess.

So, don't do it anymore! What is your message? Please don't hide your light under a bushel. Some of God's children have some pretty big missions, and gifts to share. Others may have humble, quiet messages. Either way, you do have a purpose, a mission, a message. How are you God's gift to the world? Only you can answer that.

Fill in the blanks.

For God so loved the world, that He GAVE His (precious daughter/stalwart son) _______________ (insert your name), that whosoever (came in contact with) her/him, should have __________________ (fill in your purpose or mission).

ie,

For God so loved the world, that He gave His precious daughter Dawn, that whosoever became acquainted with her, should know that they are God's gift to the world.

OK. Now you know. And I promise to keep telling people, if you promise to do your part. :-) Blessings.

5/31/12 update:

One more thought as I reread this ready to share with someone else. I referenced John 3:16. I think verse 17 is every bit as important as 16. If you are LDS and have been a member of a choir for years, you can likely sing it. "For God sent not His Son, into the world to condemn the world (God sent not His Son into the world to condemn the world), but that the world through Him might be saved."

What does that have to do with anything? I know human nature. I'm human. LOL. I can hear some saying, "well, a mission, a purpose, that's all fine for someone else, but you don't know how awful I am. I've committed this sin or this crime or I have this vice." And??? God's Son was not sent here to condemn you, but to save you. Enter the waters of baptism if you haven't, take His Sacrament weekly if you have. Listen for the word sanctify in the prayer and ponder that.

So, now you know you are God's gift and there is no reason to not present yourself to other. Get it pre-sent and present (gift). Ask direction for what your message, purpose, and mission is. And soon you'll be finding it. :-)

The highs and lows of livin' in a small town

I've heard pretty negative opinions about small towns. And there have been low moments when perhaps I gave some credibility to those opinions. I guess, in some cases those kinds of comments are true. There will always be small minds whether in small towns or large ones. But I have to say, the last 17 years spent in this small town, have mostly been pretty wonderful. You could say the people in a small town are a macrocosm of family.

Most of the things that make small towns so great, also create interesting challenges. For example. Let's talk about relationships. I'm only going to tell you about a handful. The Arteest has the fewest connections probably. She has her teacher at school and her teacher at church and her dance teacher. She loves them all! Her dance teacher and I work together in the same organization at church and her husband is our school superintendent. He was until recently, the Jester's leader at church. Now he is on the high council. Their daughter is in my class at church and two of my sons have dated two of their daughters.

The Gameboy has only a few too. His teacher goes to our church as well. One of her daughters is the Butterfly's basketball coach. If he did not sit out of basketball this year, the basketball leader is the town JP. Several of the coaches again, serve in other capacities and relationships in the town and with us. The Butterfly is in Jr High. She also dances. The Jester's basketball coach is one of his teachers. The Varsity coach is also our principal. Most of our kids friends have been taught by the Bish, who is also half of the kids bishop. If he weren't a teacher, he'd probably work with most of their parents.

One of the other women I work with at church is a high school teacher as are other members of our church. You work with the people you go to church with the children whom you coach, teach, etc. You volunteer and attend community things with those you serve with whose children you love, etc. I am a substitute teacher part time, so aside from members of our own faith, I know many children of many community members. I personally know all of the school board. One of my best friend's hubby is the county attorney and a counselor to my husband the bishop. Imagine going to church with people you have to ummm prosecute or your office prosecutes.

You can literally know 30-50% of the town quite easily. The most amazing thing is, all of these great people give of their time. Some of them are paid for it, but most of them go way beyond what they are paid to do. Our superintendent also coaches football. One of the board members keeps stats at games. Another's wife is the cheer leading coach. Yet another serves in many capacities in our community and state. The list goes on and on and on. These are only a very few of the connections.

In a pinch, you can call on any of these people for anything. It only takes a couple of phone calls to find someone who has gone "to town" (that would be the big town 45 minutes away with Wal Mart and full service grocery stores), to find someone willing to pick something up that you must have today and can't take the trip for yourself. The ones I go to church with...we could call any of them to come at any time of the night to come and administer to the sick if we have need.

The town has eyes and ears. Since you know everyone, word travels fast. We tell our kids to watch themselves, because if we don't see them or God doesn't see them, SOMEBODY in the town will. This is good in many ways. If one of mine does something just bad enough, I can bet I'll hear about it directly or indirectly. And more than once, I have debated back and forth heart wrenchingly, whether I should make a call to a friend about their child. The only way I know how to make the decision is to decide if I would want to know the information. The only problem is, not everyone feels like me. That makes it hard. It can also be bad, but that's for a different discussion that I will probably never post.

With so many people (not really), there are of course, multiple personalities (hahaha) and multiple opinions and ways of dealing with things. This is where it gets sticky and where small towns get their bad reputation. Someone does something and someone else disagrees and people make choices and decisions based on their beliefs and opinions. And I think everyone is just trying to do the best they can. Nobody acts like a heel on purpose. Ok, maybe some people do. But most of the good people I know, are doing the best they can with the gifts and talents they have.

If it were kept between those who any problem might concern, things would likely be pretty grand. But, as in large towns, in small towns, everyone needs to weigh in on each side. Whether they know the situation, whether they know the people, whether they have enough information to make a judgment. And it gets messy. That's why over the last few years I've pretty much removed myself from conversations that do not involve me. There was a BIG one a few years ago. Whatever the truth of the matter was, there were very few people who it was any of their business. But many people chimed in and made it a much uglier situation than it needed to be. That's all that really needs to be said.

But, it's human nature and human weakness. And it's opportunity. What kind of growth do you get when your life is all segregated? Your children and their school life is one thing. Your church life is another thing. Your job is another thing. And your friends could totally be a whole other thing! All in neat little packages that never intersect and make life as interesting as it can possibly be. Living in a small town really allows you if you are willing to look at situations, to look at yourself, and to grow. To be honest, to forgive and be forgiven. To see that strengths AND weaknesses are what make up the people around you. Just like families.

And another thing...Sometimes you don't like your family very much. They can do things that contribute to hurt, anger, etc, but you love them anyway. You can do things that contribute to anger and hurt. You know they are passing things and with time the hurt and anger fade or heal. And you hope, that if you are willing to let things go, that they will be too. And then it's all good and you love each other again.

Small towns get a bum rap. ***The truth is, most big city folk, wouldn't last a week in my town. All right, I take that back. :-)

***not because of people; because of facilities, location, roads, choices of housing, etc, etc, etc.

What is Success?

This is how I feel about my life. It started as a quote, and then my brain took over.

“What is success? To laugh often and much. To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children. To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends. To appreciate beauty. To find the best in others. To leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition. To know even one life breathed easier because you have lived; this is to have succeeded." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

I don't laugh enough, but I want to. It is my nature to laugh hysterically. ROFLOL is how I like to live. I love to have fun, but often find everyone is too busy to join me. People often wrongly assume I am busy; so I am working toward being busy so I am not so bored and lonely. I have a tendency to let the thick of thin things get me down. I want to turn more of my time to serving others, but serving my family and supporting my husband is my number one priority.

I love intelligent people. To me, intelligent people are those who rise above the squalid and mean; who realize what it takes to be great and reach out and bring people along with them. Intelligent people do not live a double standard. They expect high standards of others because they live a high standard themselves. They treat others with respect and are friendly, and for that, they are respected in return and have many friends. Intelligent people do not punish others because they cannot stand a differing idea from their own. They aren't threatened by civil discussion of principles. They realize that the discussion of differing ideas can bring improvements previously undiscovered. An intelligent person does not necessarily have a formal education. They have natural gifts that allow them to understand and love people and get along.

The affection of children can heal any sorrow. Their innocence and unconditional love can make the unbearable, bearable. Here's an example that never ceases to warm and comfort my heart. When I cry, whether happy or sad, if my youngest daughter sees it, she immediately goes and brings me a tissue. I don't remember that I ever asked her to do this, but for as long as I can remember, she gets me the tissues. It makes me smile. It helps me feel loved, and usually it ends, with my arms wrapped around her. Who can resist a sloppy kiss, a crayola picture, sticky little hand prints of love? I can't. Affection from children is like the smell of rain in the desert.

I'd much rather earn the appreciation of honest critics than endure the betrayal of false friends. I am so grateful when people honestly try to "get me." When they seriously do, and then compliment me, I feel it is sacred. Because, it's usually sincere. My biggest weakness is seeing everyone as a friend. Something I definitely need to work on. Because I assume that if I see someone as a friend, they will also see me as a friend. I am learning, IT"S NOT TRUE!!! But because of this weakness and failure to see people as strangers, I sometimes feel betrayed. I can honestly say I live a high standard, and I expect others to. It is baffling to me, when I am upset about something, and I decide to take the high road and bite my tongue, that others, can malign me, trash me, and make me out to be something I am not. I know it's ok though, because I will always be open to anyone asking me how I feel about anything. And as long as God knows my heart (and He does), then I don't have to worry about what anyone thinks or says about me. I can let others sins and weaknesses be God's problem, because my sins and weaknesses are mine and His.

I love beautiful things. Beginning with nature. I'm a sucker for a lovely sunset. I love sunrises but I don't like to be up for them any more than necessary. I like forests (oh the wind in the pines) and oceans (oh the sound of the waves) and wide open plains and farmland. I love caterpillars and lightning bugs and butterflies and songbirds. I love the sound and smell of rain and how the earth seems so clean after. I HATE crows! Especially at girl's camp. Haha. I love the stars and the milky way and planets, constellations and unusual things in the sky. Like planets aligning and meteor showers and eclipses.

But I really do like beautiful THINGS. Since I've become a realtor, I love beautiful houses. I don't wear a lot of jewelry, but I like it. I love beautiful clothes and shoes and purses. I love seeing beautiful places like museums and the art in them. I like going to plays and musicals. I love to see performances with dance. I love nice furniture and decorations and historical and antique things.

I am a pathetic optimist. I think I can say yes to everything and do it. I write lists pages long and never finish them. I fill notebooks with notes and quotes and ideas, and lose them. I love being grateful and seeing the good in others. I hate being disappointed by people. I love catching people doing good things. I don't understand miserable, unhappy people or what makes them tick. I like helping people discover their amazing-ness. I like to see people heal. I love to see people come to understanding. I love connecting with others.

I pray every day to leave the world a bit better. My dad gave me about 1,000 nicknames and somewhere along the way, Blessing, became my favorite. Yep, he calls me Blessing. How do you think THAT makes a daughter feel? I pray every single day, every time I pray by myself...to BE a BLESSING. Then I leave it to God to show me the ways I can. I'm happy to bounce along never knowing if my life is really meaningful, but every twice in awhile I say to God. "Am I really making a difference with my life? Would you show me that I am really being a blessing?" And God is more good than anything of course. And He laughs at me, and puts someone in my path that usually says those exact words back to me. "You were such a blessing to me when you...." I am usually astounded that it was something simple and I didn't realize how much it would mean. And then I thank God, and on those rare occasions, I know that I am a success.

But, I know tomorrow, I'll wake up, and do something that helps me know, there is lots more work to do. That *I* am a work in progress. That God isn't finished with me yet. That I have more to repent of and more to learn. Success is a life long pursuit. And I'm going to keep at it.

And then there were 4 gifts!

4 little boys.

And then there was Jefferson. It wasn't that simple. From boy #2 on, every passing day, my desire for a girl went up. And up, AND UP!!! I let that desire sideline me from what was really important--a happy, healthy baby joining our family. I had an ultrasound but it was early enough that they could not tell and would not predict. And then at 28 weeks, I went into labor. It wasn't the first time, but it was the earliest I had ever done it. I went in for a routine doctor visit 80 MILES AWAY! (So glad I'm not doing THAT anymore) Because I had a history, my nurse midwife decided to check me. Not a good result and she sent me across the street to the hospital to be monitored. I was having contractions 4 minutes apart and didn't even know it. I guess the NMW didn't think I was taking it seriously enough and let me know that my baby's little head was only about 4cm around. That got my attention!

At that point, they were calling for life flight to take me to Albuquerque and Bret would never make it to Silver or Albuquerque to be any help to me in time. So, he called on the local Stake President whom he knew (thank you Pres Anderson) and he brought some missionaries and they laid their hands on my head and gave me a blessing. He blessed me that angels would attend me and my baby and that's all I needed to remain calm.

As that little jet ascended the skies with only three passengers; me, the pilot, and a nurse, the sun was setting and it was a gorgeous sight that brought me great peace. I had read only a few weeks before a book by Sarah Hinze called, Coming From the Light about the experiences of parents with their PREBORN children. It was so intriguing to hear of families who had some kind of witness about their children before they joined their families.

When I got to Albuquerque, one of the first things they did was give me an ultrasound. And the Dr asked me if I wanted to know. Why yes, I've never been one for surprises and cannot stand suspense. So, he looked at the screen, and looked at me and announced, "it's a kumquat!" Haha. Just kidding. "It's a boy!" Surprisingly, rather than being upset as I would have predicted, I had a peace and knowing settle over me. This baby was meant for our family. God was sending us exactly who was supposed to be a part of our lives.

The crisis passed and six weeks later, the bouncing baby boy came along. He was the skinniest little baby I ever had. At just over six pounds, he looked like a little birdie with no feathers, but he was sure a cutie pie anyway. I knew his name would be Jefferson. It just fell on my head from heaven one day. His middle name, Daniel is a name I always loved, but reminded me of a dear friend I spent a lot of time with in college. (Not a boyfriend, just someone who really helped me see my worth). I swore he'd never be anything but Jefferson, but we've called him Jeffo and Jeffrey and lots of other things. His name is yelled from the rooftop in this house more than any other. And we all know what that means even if no one else does. Hahaha.

I've looked through all my files and can't find my absolute favorite picture of his face, so I'll post and repost it later. I've loved his dimples his whole life. He smiles readily and is a natural comic.

He can be a little on the weird side. I am sure that is a gene from his dad. :-)

As much as he and Emily clash, he loves her.

He is obedient. When he was 2 1/2 we moved him from his crib to a bed. As I tucked him in and looked at his little smiling dimples, I said, "Jefferson, don't get out of bed, ok?" He replied happily, "ok." And he NEVER did! EVER. It was amazing. (Quite refreshing compared to Chris who got out of bed DOZENS of times EACH AND EVERY stinkin' NIGHT!!! For like 10 years!!!!!!!!!!!!)

He's reliable and I know if I want someone to say yes to a job, I call on him. He helps me in the kitchen on short notice. He makes great cookies. He sings, he plays the piano, and he's a good friend. He is following in the footsteps of his brothers but making his own way. He's very smart and always has been. He has a sharp wit. He's almost an Eagle Scout. And he's 16 years old. I can hardly believe it.

I know Jefferson will do great things. We are so grateful he came to our family!