Gift #5, "It's a girl!"

See? It's February, and I get distracted. So, I only have two more to go. Having four little boys was a whole heckuvalottuv fun. I liked being unique in that way and four little boys really are just so dang cute in their own rough and tumble way. But, I longed for a little girl. I quit longing so much after the experience with Jefferson, but I couldn't wait for pink and curls and ribbons and lace and softness and an expression of me that was more close to me. If you know what I mean.

And there was a part of me that wanted a little girl because I felt it would make all the wrong parts of the past, right. I hoped that in some way, I could heal and reverse not having a mother; that relationship that to me, not having had one present seems the most sacred. I am setting aside the marriage relationship as I say that, but everyone wants to need their mommy so to speak. One of my favorite lines from a movie is a scene from Hook. After behaving badly, the daughter of Pan says about Hook, "he needs a mommy very very badly!" And I often say that under my breath when some adult or child acts unseemly.

I still remember the day I got the news. I had another friend who was expecting. She was a few months farther along than I, and we shared the same doctor and so would ride over to Silver City together for appointments. Bret wasn't able to take off work for the ultrasound, so I asked her to go with me. It's funny remembering back how before this one, I could never recognize looking at the picture right before me, the boys on screen. Maybe it was a subconscious desire to hold out hope for pink instead of blue. But I remember clearly seeing "the evidence" on the screen and my heart leaping for joy. My friend rejoiced with me and we celebrated. A girl. It seemed unbelievable and I did actually remain reservedly optimistic in the event that it turned out to be another darling boy.

In July, Shelly had a beautiful baby girl and named her Emily Katherine. I was so excited that our girls would be friends. And I could not wait until Savannah joined our family. Huh you say? Savannah who? Well....her name was Savannah for 8 months. That was the name I wanted for her. But only a few weeks before her birth, her daddy confessed that he did not like that name. I suppose I could have been stubborn instead of disappointed, but I so wanted all of our children's names to be an agreement. So, I gave him a piece of paper (I might have actually flung it at him), and told him to write down his five top girl names. And I took a piece of paper and wrote down my five. I wish we had saved the paper. Emily was on both lists. Oh dear! I know that no one owns the rights to a name, but I never thought I'd be naming my daughter the same thing as my friend.

So three weeks before she came, I showed up on Shelly's door step bawling and asking if she would be upset if I named my daughter the same name. If she felt differently than she stated, I couldn't tell. She was extremely gracious and understanding and assured me it would be fine and she would be honored. So, the day came that our first daughter joined our family one evening in November. I loved the name Anne and it had to be spelled with an e because of my love of Anne of Green Gables.

The two Emilys in 2007

I look back now and can't really imagine her as Savannah, because she seems all Emily to me. She's had a smile from almost day one. We had a scare with RSV when she was 6 weeks old and was hospitalized. I was finishing her blessing dress while I sat with her in the hospital and wondered if she would be blessed in it or buried in it. I had to cast that thought aside because I could not bear to think of it. Of course, she recovered. She's had her daddy wound around her finger from day one. And her momma too.

I was determined not to have a screamer and she was gently reprimanded whenever she did scream. She temporarily carried the nickname Emzilla because she had this growly scream that she let loose when she was unhappy. But it was funny at the same time. Emily is bubbly, social, kind, and smart. I can hardly think of her without a smile on her face. She is an amazing helper, a great older sister, and becoming quite the beautiful young lady. My greatest desire is that she will realize that the beauty she has on the inside is so much more important than any natural beauty she has on the outside. Outward beauty is not earned or created, only to the extent that inward beauty (that must be cultivated) is expressed.

She's a typical girly-girl, but can hold her own with her brothers and sports. She has brought a dimension to my life that I cannot describe. I am so grateful she came to our family and I hope as the years pass that we will be the best of friends and that she will want to share her joys and sorrows with me. My greatest joy as my children have grown is to grow more into friendship and to see them blossom as they discover their talents and interests. I love you Emily. You are a joy and a blessing!!!