My Purpose

So, a couple of months ago, I proposed to some like minded people, starting a Master Mind group. And for the last few weeks we have been "meeting" by phone and discussing a chapter each week from Jack Canfield's The Success Principles. There are 6 of us in the group. A Dr, who hasn't REALLY joined us yet, but I hope he will. Me. Another successful EFT practitioner. An RET technician. A writer. And a runner. Each week we are covering great information and trying to align ourselves with it so we can each be successful by fulfilling our purpose.

Chapter 1 was Taking 100% Responsibility for Your Life. No blaming, excusing, or complaining. How different the world would be if we did not do those three things. Can you stop for one day? How about a week? How about just catching yourself?

Chapter 2 deals with the subject today. Be Clear Why You are Here. Do you have any idea why you are here? Besides just to exist and have experiences? What is your purpose in life? Do you know? If you don't, where in the world are you going? The reason for a purpose, is to give your life direction. How will you end up at point B if you don't know where you point A is or even that there is a point B?

I did this exercise last year and wrote the following: "My purpose is to use my happy and compassionate nature to lift others and ease their burdens so everyone loves each other and lifts each other to live their highest purposes." (I want to help others realize they have a purpose and in that realization lift others with them)

I recently reworded it. Like at 1 am last night. Haha. "My purpose is to use the talents of my mind and body to help further others in the kingdom of God, so that they can love others and help lift others to live their highest purposes." Pretty similar. But allows for use of all my talents.

It doesn't have to be long. But it can be. There doesn't have to be a how. In fact it's better if there isn't one. It just has to light a passion within you. How do you do it? List two of your unique personal qualities. List a very few ways you enjoy expressing those qualities. Assume the world is perfect. What does it look like, feel like? Write it as a present statement. Combine them all into a single paragraph.

I am sure I'll continue to play with it. And I'll share it when I get it just right. What's your purpose?

Forgiveness--a DIVINE gift

Just before the dedication of the Salt Lake Temple, President Wilford Woodruff and his Counselors issued an Epistle to the Saints. While a hundred years have passed, it might have been issued today. They said: 'During the past eighteen months . . . political campaigns have been conducted, elections have been held. . . . We feel now that . . . before entering into the Temple to present ourselves before the Lord . . . we shall divest ourselves of every harsh and unkind feeling. . . ."

'Thus shall our supplications, undisturbed by a thought of discord, unitedly mount into the ears of Jehovah and draw down the choice blessings of the God of Heaven!' (quoted in James H. Anderson, "The Salt Lake Temple," Contributor, Apr. 1893, pp.
284-85)."

I found this after the fact. After the fact, that I was nursing some wounds. After the fact that I did not want to do a thing about them. After the fact that I needed to forgive and in the end was able to, fortunately.

A few months ago, I had a disagreement with someone dear to me. I was deeply hurt, but because I love this person, so much, I decided for me it was more important to let it go, than to keep it going. It was a challenge, but not impossible.

Last month, another someone I consider dear, called me up one day and blew me out of the water. Torpedoes straight ahead. I didn't even see it coming. I was angry and grief stricken for about 24 hours, when I figured out the my business/his business thing in my earlier post. I am sure I forgave somewhere in that, but again, it was not difficult to do. I learned some important things and I am fine with it being that person's problems and completely willing to continue anytime that person wants.

And then a couple of weeks ago, someone else had an experience with a person in our community. I have had experiences that you might label negative with this person. But each time, I have forgiven and tried to do the Christ like thing depending on the circumstances. For whatever reason, this other person's experience hit *ME* right between the eyes. I was incensed, outraged, and as time went on, overcome with emotions akin to grief. I was so surprised and wondered at it. Where was this coming from? I still don't have the answer to that.

But in my wrestle with myself, I refused to be nice. I called (in my own head) all kinds of names. Then I refused to acknowledge my own belief that any time we see evil in others, it is only because it exists within us. I knew I must forgive, but refused. Absolutely refused. And this went on for days. My feeling miserable at my own choices. I realized somewhere along the way, this was not going to be one of those experiences where I could just wave a hand, dismiss it easily, and go on my merry way. I half-heartedly prayed that I would be able to forgive. But my enraged heart would not give way. I really did want to; kind of. Why do I have to forgive when someone doesn't even care if I do and doesn't seem to deserve it???!!!

I realized that in a few days, I was going to have an opportunity to be in the temple again. I knew that I could not be a tour guide and walk repeatedly through and testify of the blessings with this ugliness within me. So, I did the only thing a person could, I moved to Australia. Ok, kidding.

I mustered up my courage and asked the dear Bish for a blessing, which he kindly gave. And then a scripture came to my mind. "But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven..." Matthew. Ouch! And then I made a decision to do it. I took a lot of deep breaths and waited.

And a couple of days went by. What if he came to the temple in my group? Gulp. Not gonna happen, but gulp anyway. As I prepared that day, I did the things I know how to do. I laid on my bed and out loud said the things I forgave this person for. And the tears began to roll, again! I just kept naming all the things I was forgiving, and it occurred to me to forgive a few other people. And then I did some tapping, which really helped. I had refused to do that too!

And then I took another deep breath and went on with my day.

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be
condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Luke; And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians.

The Bishop and I began taking tours through the Gila Valley Temple at 5:20 pm. Until 9:30, we sat twice for about five minutes. The rest of the time, we were taking tours in and out. About the third time through, as we took a few silent minutes in the celestial room, the thoughts and struggle I had created out of the previous week came to mind. And I began to silently pray for the ability to forgive this person who I could only see in a negative light. And then it came; softly, sweetly, quietly. Peace gently enveloped my heart and forgiveness came.

Beautiful and strange all at once. Just like opening your hand and releasing something in it, my heart opened up and let it go. I know I felt those things toward this person. But I do not feel them now. I have continued to pray that any possibility of future problems, will already be accounted for and that I will be able to forgive as many times as necessary. Does that mean I'm going to go invite the person to lunch or attempt a deep friendship? Likely not. But, the contrast is so welcome. I can live with myself and my thoughts, and my thoughts about the situation. And it feels so good. And I am so grateful.

It is not our place to deny the atonement for another person. That is what we do, when we refuse to forgive. We put ourselves in a position to decide whether they are worthy of saving. Christ paid the price for every person, not just ourselves. And he paid the price for others sins against us. Another's sin against us may hurt, we may not like it, but it really is none of our business. That's God's business. The wrongness or rightness of it will be dealt with by the Perfect Judge, who knows all there is to know about any situation.

Conversely, would I want my sin against another to be denied in the atonement? If my sins are left out, then I am certainly most miserable as I am shut out from the Father and the Son's presence. The greater sin was in me anyway. By making all those horrible judgments against someone with limited perspective. No, I want my sins to be atoned for and forgiven, and I am willing to allow others the same privilege. It's not always easy, but it is and will always worth it.

The House of the Lord

This was shared in our training as temple hostesses this week. The public affairs man from SLC, Brother Augustine, said it hangs in the President's office in the Washington DC temple, but it is from Words of Life, p 45.

Enter this door as if the floor within were gold;
And every wall of jewels all of wealth untold;
As if a choir in robes of fire were singing here;
Nor shout nor rush but hush … for God is here.

Tomorrow I enter and show others the beauty of the temple. And I'd better get to bed already. It will be a long, enjoyable glorious day. I will do as President Eyring has asked and "allow the Lord to do His work in the temple."

Your business, My business, and HIS business

This week, I had what I thought at the moment, was an unpleasant experience. Someone I love treated me in a way I did not want to be treated. That person disapproved of something I did and didn't do and freely expressed his anger and judgment about it. And I did not exactly respond in kindness, but did attempt to defend myself. For a few hours, I was incensed and outraged! Couldn't he see my heart? Didn't he know my good intentions? And how was my choice any of his business? The Bish suggested mercy rather than justice and asking what Jesus would have me do. Ya' know. I'm human. Sometimes, you need a breath or two before you get to the mercy and proper behavior.

For a couple of days, I wrangled with what to do, how to respond if at all, and processing where things went wrong. Where things went wrong is in my head, in my heart, and in my beliefs. I probably won't get into all of that, but I had a few thoughts and a big AHA that have helped me to make what I think is a major step forward. I often say, other people's opinions of me are none of my business. And I believe it most of the time. It's easy to accept when it's not a friend, not a family member, or someone who is plain crazy or doesn't know what they are talking about. But what about when it is someone close to you? Yeah, what about that? This is a pretty close person.

That saying, collided with a thought an online mentor shared with me some time ago. I share the thought below.

"There are three kinds of business -- my business, your business, and God's business.
The only one you have any "business" being in is your own and when you muddle around in the other two you only make yourself miserable."

Epiphany:

3 a (1) : a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery, realization, or disclosure b : a revealing scene or moment.

I had an epiphany. First off, I have some higher thinking online friends who often say things like "for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so." Shakespeare. And I am finding it to be true. I'm not talking about moral standards, commandments, laws, etc. I am talking about the millions of thoughts and experiences we have that we filter through our beliefs and brand, "good, bad."

Well, this was a "bad" experience. How can someone screaming and yelling and accusing you of things over the phone be "good?" Well, I'm seeing it as good today. Because there are three kinds of business. However any person acts toward me, in thought, word, deed, or action of any kind....that is their business. Anything I do in thought, word, action, or deed...my business. How God judges the matter (not me or anyone else)...God's business.

A) I can let go of judging the whole matter and leave that to God. (HIS BUSINESS)

B) It matters not what I do or have done that another person likes or does not like. Again, MY BUSINESS. I don't have to change for anyone or worry whether I do or don't. If I believe I am doing the right thing and I believe God supports me, it matters not what anyone else thinks or does. (And if I am not acting right morally and refuse to recognize that, again God's business, with just a bit of mine thrown in)

C) It matters not how any person treats me. I may not like it, but I do not have to accept it, and I can respond calmly, because their actions are NONE OF MY BUSINESS. "YOUR BUSINESS." I can walk away, hang up the phone, end the relationship, or continue on my terms.

I think C, gave me the greatest realization of freedom. If I can remember simply that this person is in their business and it does not involve me at all. I can just reply, I am sorry you feel that way. Because, chances are, I am. This other person is functioning through the filter of their own beliefs which have nothing to do with me. If I don't want to be treated ugly, I can simply end the conversation.

WOW! I feel free from explaining anything I have done. I feel unburdened of another's opinion of me. I feel no need to pick up the phone or write a letter or explain. And if or when the time comes that this person wants to contact me again, I will attempt to fill my heart with divine love, see this person for who they REALLY are, a child of God, and do the best I can as kindly as I can. And THAT feels a whole lot better.

joy, Joy, JOY!!!

Yesterday, I came across a story that was humbling. I'll link to it at the end of this post. A toddler in the tub with his brother. A great mom momentarily distracted. A tragedy. Emotional turmoil. Prayers answered. Tragedy averted. MIRACLE! Gratitude. I was particularly struck with the following excerpt from Sarah's blog.

"But as I spoke, I realized that faith can not grow where fear is allowed to dwell. There is not room in my heart for both. Fear is the paralyzing agent of the adversary. A first line of his defense. And so I made a choice. I must choose faith. Choose to believe. Despite the odds. Despite the grim news. Despite the reality before us."

Those are such powerful words. How often do we look at what APPEARS to be real, and accept it as such? Rather than see in our mind and heart what the TRUTH really is. I believe reality is what we make of it. (with divine help) God says, for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart. How often do we look at people, things, or circumstances and only see them with our natural eyes? Ask 100 people in a room what they witnessed in a crime or even a sporting event, and you will get vastly different answers. What is the truth? Well, I don't know that I really have the answer. But I believe that more often than we can imagine, God's will, is whatever our righteous hearts desire. Life, not just the breathing, but the living; hangs in the balance between fear and faith. And I believe He wants us to experience the power of faith. But too often fear, or other negative emotions crowd in. And we experience failure when we might have experienced joy. Just my musings. I really do believe it.

One of my favorite quotes of all time:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and famous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that people won't feel insecure around you. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in all of us. And when we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” Marianne Williamson

And fortunately, there are ways to handle those negative emotions.

But this is about joy. Reading the Staker family's close call, took me back to a time when I had four little boys and was overwhelmed with the sheer challenge of three daily meals, baths, books, diapers, diapers, diapers. Oh, how I never thought there would be an end to diapers. And yet, the end to diapers did come, replaced with loads and loads and loads of laundry. Well, the loads have decreased with that new washer talked about in the I Am Grateful for It All post below. Do you know I've gone from like 12 loads a week to 7? Love that!

But I digress. There was a time when I thought the reality of my life was defined by the little boys and the smudges on the wall, ER trips, and little boy fights. I don't like to admit that sometimes I thought the drudgery of it all would smother me. I knew what I was doing was important, but oh how I did not know what I was doing was important. I had a flash of insight a couple of days ago. Maybe it wasn't insight. Maybe it was just a thought. But it occurred to me with the need for professional mothering (stay at home moms) in the world today, combined with the spiraling conditions that world finds itself in, that in the future, maybe the only children and families who will "make it" are the ones where there is a loving mother in the home.

Well, that just changes the whole perspective of diapers, and broken bowls, and laundry! What if every mother knew she had the most important job in the world? Just by staying home and wiping tears, reading stories, and putting band aids on scrapes that don't bleed. What if mothers embraced the power of motherhood rather than the drudgery? What if they found ways to strengthen and lift themselves while strengthening and lifting the little souls in their care? What if mothers cared more about their femininity than their sexuality (ie Desperate Housewives which I have PROUDLY never watched!)? What if every day they realized that they are stopping Satan dead in his tracks by raising little boys and girls dedicated to Christ and His righteousness? Oh what a different world we would have.

Mothers of the world repeat with me, "I have the most important job in the world. I am a mother. I affect the future of the world by rearing powerful children!" Watch out!

So, anyway. Two of those little boys who ran around and "made me crazy." They are missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. They pay for the privilege of teaching and preaching and bearing testimony of Christ. And then they INVITE others to find out FOR THEMSELVES if the message is true. They pay out of their own pockets for this privilege and they endure cold, and rudeness, and doors slammed in their faces right after being yelled at. And they've never been happier in all of their lives. It amazes me how almost every email (once a week if everything falls together just right) one of them mentions how happy they are. And oh, how it warms this mother's heart.

Their teaching and preaching and testifying and inviting is often extended to their family. Us. Our little family. And their growth has contributed greatly to my own growth. Funny, I never thought all that "great" teaching I was doing would come back to bless me. :-) So glad it has though. They are teaching me so much more than I am sure I ever taught them. And all of that appearance of drudgery...the reality is it was all for JOY. And SOMEONE greater than I am knew that. I'm so glad I went along, albeit some days reluctantly. I often cry great tears of joy when I read their letters. I feel so blessed and humbled. And we are back to the beginning of my post, being humbled by someone else's experience. I think it will touch you too.

I am grateful for it all

I have had an interesting few days. My goal last year was to be grateful in all things. And I had several opportunities that helped me to be able to accomplish that. But the weirdest thing happened.

I'll preface by saying, there have been several things I really wanted to change in my room. A previous water leak, with a pucker on the ceiling. The carpet needed to be re-stretched. And lately, I have been wanting to redecorate, change colors actually. I also have really wanted a new washer. Be careful what you dream about.

So, I called a friend recently and we had not talked in awhile. I was loading the washer and actually told her I thought I needed a new one because I had been finding water on the floor in the laundry room, but we have a drain in the floor so I wasn't too worried.

I ate my lunch and went in the family room to sit while talking and after about 20 minutes she needed to answer a call from her hubby. I headed back toward my room and heard the water pouring out of the drain outside and ran upstairs to find my washer overflowing, which it probably had been doing for at least 20 minutes.

Well, long story short, lots of damage. The drain couldn't drain it all. I had called the Bish and talked to him at least five minutes before it even occurred to me to check the bedroom. The "rain" was pouring out of the vent over our bed. The laptop was open on the bed. And all I could think of, was singing "raindrops are falling on my head" or bed as the case was. I felt very relaxed. I felt it would all be all right and I just had a rush of many things to be grateful for.

The water mitigation people came and ripped out my ceiling and put fans and dehumidifiers and heaters everywhere. The adjuster came, wrote me a check. The contractor came and fixed it all. We slept on the family room floor on our mattress which completely dried out, for ten days. The carpet guy came back and cleaned and stretched the carpet. The new washer and dryer are in and put to good use. And new colors in my room. New laptop and only need to transfer files. All in all a quick and positive outcome. How can I complain when tens of thousands are hurting in another part of the world? (Haiti) I wish I could figure out a way to make people better there.

The lesson for me in this was gratitude at all times and in all things. The Beast came in at one point and said, "mom, should't you be a little upset about this?" To which I replied, "why? with all the horror in the world, what difference does it make?" (Little joke from What About Bob?) And we both laughed and realized it was nothing to get upset about. God provided a way and we are back up and running. What a blessing!

December 2009

Merry Christmas from the Nortons!

It's been a wonderfully busy year in our house, and I am sure it has been in yours too. Everyone seems to be so busy. Here is a little of what is going on in our little corner of the world.

    Bret is probably the busiest in the house. He works full time for our church teaching high school and college aged students religious classes. Also known as Seminary and Institute. His Institute classes are taught almost an hour away across from the local Jr college twice a week. Seminary is taught for three periods every day locally. Bret is also serving as the Bishop in our local church, which keeps his Sundays and Wednesday nights busy. But along with that is a lot of unseen service many people never know about. We are thankful for the good example he sets for our family. He's a great also a great husband and dad and son to his mom who lives a few miles away. Spare time is spent as mechanic, builder, and general fix-it man. I'm sure we'd be in the poor house without his handyman skills. 

    Andrew just passed his one year mark in November as a missionary in the Ogden, Utah mission. He has served the last few months in Bountiful, just north of Salt Lake City. He loves learning, studying, and teaching and preaching the gospel of Jesus Christ. He is very happy with what he is doing and his most recent letter told us he did not want to come home in 11 months. He wants to stay 2 more years. Yeah, sure. Not happening! But we are grateful for the great spirit he brings into our home with his weekly letters. You can follow his adventures here: www.missionsite.net/elderdrewnorton

    Chris began the year playing basketball for Eastern Arizona College and continuing as a student. He loved the experience and hopes to return to it after his mission. In May, he moved to Northern California and spent the Summer installing security systems in homes there. He enjoyed the experience and loved meeting new people and making some new friends. It was a great learning experience for him and he was able to save some money. In September, Dawn took Chris up to Utah for training at the Missionary Training Center. He was able to spend a day and a half with Andrew as a missionary before entering. They had a WONDERFUL experience together and they were so happy to be able to spend that time, so that it would not be three years, but only two before they saw each other again. Chris is in the Kentucky, Louisville mission. He has been serving on the U of L campus teaching singles. He has a lot of exposure to athletes and is really enjoying it so far. He is also extremely happy and regularly tells us how grateful he is to be having this experience. You can check his adventures out at : www.missionsite.net/elderchrisnorton

    Joseph (17) has had a rough year. But, he continues to bounce back and be happy anyway. In February, he tore the ACL in his knee, just before the state basketball playoffs. He had to sit out the tennis season. On April 1st, he had it repaired with surgery and began a six month recovery. He had lots of physical therapy and was able to start running in July and began getting ready for basketball again. Unfortunately on the third day of practice he twisted it. It took a few weeks to get an answer that he just needed to keep strengthening the muscles in his leg to support it. Another attempt at returning to play ended the same, so he is taking a whole month off this time to see if he can get it strong enough. Joseph is a senior this year. Besides his knee, he was Mr. Wildkat again for Homecoming week, Homecoming Royalty, and we have been pleasantly surprised that he has a beautiful singing voice and is enjoying choir very much. Joseph is a true comedian and keeps us rolling along life's merry highway. We are hoping he will finish his Eagle Scout project this year and earn his award before he graduates. 

    Jefferson (15) entered high school this year. He is still playing the piano very well. He is making strides in Freshman and JV basketball. He does well in school, has a very happy attitude, and is a big help to me when I ask for just about anything. If I am not home, I usually call him to make dinner because he does such a great job at it. Jefferson has braces this year and is not enjoying that experience, but his smile has already improved greatly. He started an FFA dairy goat project. He is also in choir and having a great time with his older brother before he graduates. We are hoping Jefferson will earn his Eagle in the next few months, to avoid the last minute rush his older three brothers have all done.

    Emily (12),  graduated from Primary at church and is now a part of Young Women's. She has grown into a lovely girl and we hope she will continue to be as beautiful on the inside as on the outside. That's way more important anyway. Emily is involved in lots of activities. She plays piano well. She takes dance and helps teach a younger class. She is in 6th grade but the Jr High girls basketball team did not have enough players, and so she is playing ball with the 7th graders. She's tall, so she may have a future ahead. Emily has lots of friends and is very social. She has a happy spirit about her except when being pestered by older brothers. She is considerate and inclusive of her younger sister and is a big help to me. 

    Noah (9) is growing like a proverbial weed. He is very smart and enjoys plant club and recently basketball. Jefferson is teaching him piano and he is a fast learner. He really likes computers and hand held games. We keep our younger kids activities to a limit so we will have more time as a family. Noah is a really funny boy like Joseph and keeps us laughing.

    Olivia (6) is the resident sweetheart. I am including in our letter, a copy of a picture she recently drew. She really is our budding artist. And she goes through a lot of paper every month. She is constantly drawing pictures for family and friends. She recently told me she wanted to have an art show "like when you put the pictures up and everyone comes." We are looking for ways for her to develop her talent. Other than that, she is in first grade, is reading well, and loves all of her little friends. She is also in dance and seems to be a natural leader in dance and other areas. She really brightens our lives and charms everyone who knows her. 

     Dawn has hoped all year it would slow down. I started off the year sitting at a subdivision three days a week. That ended in August when I just felt the time constraints were too much for our family. After over two years with Long Realty, I switched to a smaller company (Maclay Real Estate), and am enjoying more control over my hours. It has not seemed to hurt my business one bit, and it's been a good year for me in real estate. But, that is really not my true love, and so I have begun moving in a new direction. I will continue real estate until I get going in the direction I want. I am getting certified in EFT (www.dailyabundance.net) and will pursue training as a Whole Health Educator. I love learning and teaching about how to be healthy. I hope to be doing that more as the year goes on. I have begun teaching EFT classes locally and hope to be able to do some longer seminars soon. I have learned this year that I can be grateful and happy in all things. It's my choice. I love serving now in the Yong Women's at church and get to be in Emily's class each week.

    This year as a family, we vacationed in San Francisco so that Chris could be a part of our vacation. We spent three days with him in the city seeing all kinds of fun and new and interesting things. We were surprised to find out how cold it is there in July. As native Arizonans it was funny to discover that we should have brought coats. We could not imagine the temps being that low when ours are so high. We laughed at ourselves as we waited in line to ride the trolley and drank hot cocoa to keep from freezing. On our way home, we were able to stop and visit my uncle and he shared some lovely memories and item from my Granny who passed away a few years ago. We enjoyed our time with him.

    We feel blessed beyond measure. To have faith, a family, a home, and a job, when so many suffer from lack, is truly humbling. The Christmas season is our favorite time of the year. We hope that the spirit of hope that it brings will be with you this season and throughout the next year.

Love, The Nortons, Bret, Dawn, Drew, Chris, Joseph, Emily, Noah, and Olivia