Forgiveness--a DIVINE gift

Just before the dedication of the Salt Lake Temple, President Wilford Woodruff and his Counselors issued an Epistle to the Saints. While a hundred years have passed, it might have been issued today. They said: 'During the past eighteen months . . . political campaigns have been conducted, elections have been held. . . . We feel now that . . . before entering into the Temple to present ourselves before the Lord . . . we shall divest ourselves of every harsh and unkind feeling. . . ."

'Thus shall our supplications, undisturbed by a thought of discord, unitedly mount into the ears of Jehovah and draw down the choice blessings of the God of Heaven!' (quoted in James H. Anderson, "The Salt Lake Temple," Contributor, Apr. 1893, pp.
284-85)."

I found this after the fact. After the fact, that I was nursing some wounds. After the fact that I did not want to do a thing about them. After the fact that I needed to forgive and in the end was able to, fortunately.

A few months ago, I had a disagreement with someone dear to me. I was deeply hurt, but because I love this person, so much, I decided for me it was more important to let it go, than to keep it going. It was a challenge, but not impossible.

Last month, another someone I consider dear, called me up one day and blew me out of the water. Torpedoes straight ahead. I didn't even see it coming. I was angry and grief stricken for about 24 hours, when I figured out the my business/his business thing in my earlier post. I am sure I forgave somewhere in that, but again, it was not difficult to do. I learned some important things and I am fine with it being that person's problems and completely willing to continue anytime that person wants.

And then a couple of weeks ago, someone else had an experience with a person in our community. I have had experiences that you might label negative with this person. But each time, I have forgiven and tried to do the Christ like thing depending on the circumstances. For whatever reason, this other person's experience hit *ME* right between the eyes. I was incensed, outraged, and as time went on, overcome with emotions akin to grief. I was so surprised and wondered at it. Where was this coming from? I still don't have the answer to that.

But in my wrestle with myself, I refused to be nice. I called (in my own head) all kinds of names. Then I refused to acknowledge my own belief that any time we see evil in others, it is only because it exists within us. I knew I must forgive, but refused. Absolutely refused. And this went on for days. My feeling miserable at my own choices. I realized somewhere along the way, this was not going to be one of those experiences where I could just wave a hand, dismiss it easily, and go on my merry way. I half-heartedly prayed that I would be able to forgive. But my enraged heart would not give way. I really did want to; kind of. Why do I have to forgive when someone doesn't even care if I do and doesn't seem to deserve it???!!!

I realized that in a few days, I was going to have an opportunity to be in the temple again. I knew that I could not be a tour guide and walk repeatedly through and testify of the blessings with this ugliness within me. So, I did the only thing a person could, I moved to Australia. Ok, kidding.

I mustered up my courage and asked the dear Bish for a blessing, which he kindly gave. And then a scripture came to my mind. "But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; That ye may be the children of your Father which is in heaven..." Matthew. Ouch! And then I made a decision to do it. I took a lot of deep breaths and waited.

And a couple of days went by. What if he came to the temple in my group? Gulp. Not gonna happen, but gulp anyway. As I prepared that day, I did the things I know how to do. I laid on my bed and out loud said the things I forgave this person for. And the tears began to roll, again! I just kept naming all the things I was forgiving, and it occurred to me to forgive a few other people. And then I did some tapping, which really helped. I had refused to do that too!

And then I took another deep breath and went on with my day.

"Judge not, and ye shall not be judged: condemn not, and ye shall not be
condemned: forgive, and ye shall be forgiven: Luke; And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you." Ephesians.

The Bishop and I began taking tours through the Gila Valley Temple at 5:20 pm. Until 9:30, we sat twice for about five minutes. The rest of the time, we were taking tours in and out. About the third time through, as we took a few silent minutes in the celestial room, the thoughts and struggle I had created out of the previous week came to mind. And I began to silently pray for the ability to forgive this person who I could only see in a negative light. And then it came; softly, sweetly, quietly. Peace gently enveloped my heart and forgiveness came.

Beautiful and strange all at once. Just like opening your hand and releasing something in it, my heart opened up and let it go. I know I felt those things toward this person. But I do not feel them now. I have continued to pray that any possibility of future problems, will already be accounted for and that I will be able to forgive as many times as necessary. Does that mean I'm going to go invite the person to lunch or attempt a deep friendship? Likely not. But, the contrast is so welcome. I can live with myself and my thoughts, and my thoughts about the situation. And it feels so good. And I am so grateful.

It is not our place to deny the atonement for another person. That is what we do, when we refuse to forgive. We put ourselves in a position to decide whether they are worthy of saving. Christ paid the price for every person, not just ourselves. And he paid the price for others sins against us. Another's sin against us may hurt, we may not like it, but it really is none of our business. That's God's business. The wrongness or rightness of it will be dealt with by the Perfect Judge, who knows all there is to know about any situation.

Conversely, would I want my sin against another to be denied in the atonement? If my sins are left out, then I am certainly most miserable as I am shut out from the Father and the Son's presence. The greater sin was in me anyway. By making all those horrible judgments against someone with limited perspective. No, I want my sins to be atoned for and forgiven, and I am willing to allow others the same privilege. It's not always easy, but it is and will always worth it.