Responsibility: Warnings, Privilege: (Blessings)
When we were first married I had this romantic idea of children and all of the wisdom that I would teach them. I had great theories and no children. Now I have children and no theories. :-) I could bring any of you up hear to tell your parenting experiences that make us wonder why we thought it would be a good idea to have them, like sleepless nights for days, weeks, months, and years, not sleeping alone as a couple regularly for decades, children who throw up in the most inconvenient places like Burger King, and over the sides of bunk beds. I once saw a little boy about 3 or 4 in front of the shopping cart door of the old Wal Mart, taking care of business. I wondered where his mother was and wondered if she would be HORRIFIED. But I thought it was hysterical, however I was very grateful it wasn’t mine, though it just as likely could have been. Ever lost kids? lost or left them in the house, out of the house, and on vacation. Childhood diseases, broken bones, rebellious teens, and well it would be fun if we could all have a parenting story fest. But, that’s not our purpose today.
In Psalms, we are told children are an heritage of the Lord, and Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. I am here to testify that happiness does come from having many children. There are plenty of other emotions that come with them, but happiness is right at the top. The scriptures are filled with admonitions about children and parenting.
For example, in D&C 68: 25, 27-28 it reads,
25 And again, inasmuch as parents have children in Zion, or in any of her stakes which are organized, that teach them not to understand the doctrine of repentance, faith in Christ the Son of the living God, and of baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost by the laying on of the hands, when eight years old, the sin be upon the heads of the parents.
• • •
27 And their children shall be baptized for the remission of their sins when eight years old, and receive the laying on of the hands.
28 And they shall also teach their children to pray, and to walk uprightly before the Lord.
Those verses lay the foundation for our responsibility as parents. I remember the first time I really understood the gravity of the years ahead of us. We were living in Utah. We had a 19 month old darling boy, and a brand new 2 month old baby boy. We were watching conference, and I have never forgotten the warning given in that talk.
Elder Faust was speaking and he said:
“A few years ago, Bishop Stanley Smoot was interviewed by President Spencer W. Kimball. President Kimball asked, “How often do you have family prayer?”
Bishop Smoot answered, “We try to have family prayer twice a day, but we average about once.”
President Kimball answered, “In the past, having family prayer once a day may have been all right. But in the future it will not be enough if we are going to save our families.”
(Elder Faust) I wonder if having casual and infrequent family home evening will be enough in the future to fortify our children with sufficient moral strength. In the future, infrequent family scripture study may be inadequate to arm our children with the virtue necessary to withstand the moral decay of the environment in which they will live. Where in the world will the children learn chastity, integrity, honesty, and basic human decency if not at home? These values will, of course, be reinforced at church, but parental teaching is more constant.” (Elder Faust, Oct 1990)
Brothers and sisters, I am obviously not a prophet, but as I have listened to the apostles and prophets in many different settings over the last 21 years, and the urgency with which they speak to us, I feel safe in saying we have reached that future time. It’s taken us years to become consistent in those habits, and we are still reaching for 100%. There is always room for improvement.
In April conference of this year, Elder Perry said:
“Teaching in the home is becoming increasingly important in today’s world, where the influence of the adversary is so widespread and he is attacking, attempting to erode and destroy the very foundation of our society, even the family. Parents must resolve that teaching in the home is a most sacred and important responsibility.
Parents must bring light and truth into their homes by one family prayer, one scripture study session, one family home evening, one book read aloud, one song, and one family meal at a time. They know that the influence of righteous, conscientious, persistent, daily parenting is among the most powerful and sustaining forces for good in the world. The health of any society, the happiness of its people, their prosperity, and their peace all find common roots in the teaching of children in the home.”
Later in his talk, after quoting from the Proclamation on the family, which also contains warnings, he added:
“We see so many challenges today from distracting and destructive influences intended to mislead God’s children. We are seeing many young people who lack the deep spiritual roots necessary to remain standing in faith as storms of unbelief and despair swirl around them. Too many of our Father in Heaven’s children are being overcome by worldly desires. The onslaught of wickedness against our children is at once more subtle and more brazen than it has ever been.”
Last August, Sister Beck was part of a Seminary and Institute Satellite Broadcast training. She gave probably THE most powerful talk I’ve ever heard on the doctrine of the family. I wish at this point, I could just read her talk to you, but I was told by the bishop I couldn’t do that. So, I’ll do what I was assigned to do. You can do an internet search for Teaching the Doctrine of the Family and Julie Beck and you will find the PDF file. As I reread her talk, three things stood out like neon signs to me.
(You can find Sister Beck's talk here: http://lds.org/pa/rs/pdf/CES_2009_Beck_eng.pdf)
First one, in speaking about Korihor and his evil message, she said.
“Korihor was an anti-Christ. Anti-Christ is antifamily. Any doctrine or principle our youth hear from the world that is antifamily is also anti-Christ. It’s that clear. They need to know that if it’s antifamily, it’s anti-Christ. An anti-Christ is antifamily.”
Think of the repercussions of that statement, if we were to take it 100% seriously and apply it across the board to our lives and our families. What would our behavior look like in and about our family? What kinds of media would we allow our children to partake of and what kind would we partake of if we took that seriously? Something to think about.
Second, speaking of the youth of the church today, she said:
“This generation will be called upon to defend the doctrine of the family as never before in the history of the world. If they don’t know it, they can’t defend it. They need to understand temples and priesthood. If you don’t know that they are meant to be fathers and mothers, then they won’t know that they are meant to be fathers and mothers. Your effort will be wasted.”
Third, she actually quotes President Kimball, (in 1980) and I will only use part of it.
“Many of the social restraints which in the past have helped to reinforce and to shore up the family are dissolving and disappearing. The time will come when only those who believe deeply and actively in the family will be able to preserve their families in the midst of the gathering evil around us.”
That was said 30 years ago. We’re living in that time.
I could go on with the warnings we have been given about the seriousness of teaching and preparing our children for the day they already live in, the confusion and distortions surrounding women and their role and the world’s opinion about those roles, but there’s not enough time. In spite of it all, I am amazed at the great testimonies and faithfulness of the youth of our day. It is a beauty to behold. And I am grateful that my children are head and shoulders above and beyond what I was at their ages.
I’d like to focus on the Privilege and Blessing of teaching the gospel to our children:
Although this talk is not meant to cover every specific of what we teach, as I thought about some of those things, it came to me that especially in our day, there is no room for us to be hypocrites. We cannot set one standard for our children, and then explain away our own bad behavior by saying we are adults. If we are raising the bar for missionaries and expecting our teens to live up to the strength of youth, then perhaps we ought to consider raising the bar for ourselves and holding to the same standards WE expect of them. In teaching our children, the Savior admonished us repeatedly to become like them, because they are already like HIM.
In Conference in April, Sister Lant who was just released as the General Primary President, said,
“It is our sacred responsibility as parents and leaders of this rising generation of children to bring them to the Savior so that they might see His face and the face of our Father in Heaven as well. As we do so, we also bring ourselves.”
This seems to be implied in Moroni, chapter 8, vs 10:
Behold I say unto you that this thing shall ye teach—repentance and baptism unto those who are accountable and capable of committing sin; yea, teach parents that they must repent and be baptized, and humble themselves as their little children, and they shall all be saved with their little children.
Sister Lant encourages us to seek the face of the Savior so that we will receive his image in our countenance and our children will be able to see Him in our own faces. How do we do that? She gives us three steps.
1) Love the Lord with all our hearts, and our children.
2) Become worthy examples, realizing that both of these steps are a becoming, a process.
3) Teach our children the truths of the gospel through the scriptures and prophets and help them to feel and recognize the Spirit.
A few scriptures that Elder Andrew Norton shared with me on parenting.
In 3 Nephi 18: 20-21
Pray, pray in our families unto the Father in the Savior’s name that wives/husbands and children will be blessed.
In 3 Nephi 22: 13
Teach our children of the Lord; and great shall be their peace.
Helaman 3: 21
Why or how did Nephi and Lehi “grow up unto the Lord.” Go back to D&C 68 that I began with. (doctrines of faith, repentance, baptism, Holy Ghost, praying, walking uprightly)
Please turn to Mosiah 4: vs 11-15.
This last scripture Andrew shared had a great insight I hadn’t noticed before that goes along with seeking the Savior and the blessings that come. He shared the insight too. You can actually go back to vs 9 where he gives us all of these things to believe in. Vs 10 repent and forsake your sins, humble yourself, ask for forgiveness, believe all these things and do them. These are commandments, vs 11 remember the greatness of God, humble yourself, call on the Lord daily, stand steadfastly. And here come the blessings.
Vs 12, if ye do this ye shall always rejoice, be filled with the love of God, retain a remission of sins; grow in the knowledge of the glory of God and the knowledge of that which is just and true. If we then look at vs 13-16 as a continuation of blessings rather than commandments, it changes the meaning slightly. Continuing with the previous thought, “if ye do this”…AND
*ye will not have a mind to injure one another, but to live peaceably,
*ye will not suffer your children to go hungry, or naked; neither suffer that they transgress the laws of God, fight and quarrel, serve the devil,
*BUT, ye will teach them to walk in the ways of truth and soberness; ye will teach them to love one another, and to serve one another.
It’s not saying DON’T when you read it in context, it’s saying, if you do all these things, you will become like Christ and then your nature will be such that you WON’T allow or do any of these other things, because they will be a natural extension of what King Benjamin calls in the next chapter, “no more disposition to do evil.” Well, I really enjoyed Andrew’s insight and hope you did too.
I realized as I was preparing this talk, that this (hold up scriptures) and this (hold up Conference Ensign) are all we need for parenting manuals. I wanted to leave you with just a few of the great parenting tips and advice given in the last conference. We have such great tools at lds.org to cross reference scripture with talks and search by topic. We have almost no excuse in this day and age to fail, when we have the best advice in the world at our fingertips in so many varieties. Hard copy, keyboard, ipod, and other personal handheld gadgets.
***Elder Ballard said:
The Mutual theme for 2010 applies to our youth as well as to all of us: “Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest” (Joshua 1:9). This will lead them safely to the blessings of the house of the Lord.”
***Elder Scott, Sun morning, 2010
The vital importance of teaching truth in the home is fundamental. The Church is important, but it is in the home where parents provide the required understanding and direction for children. It is truly said that the most important callings in time and eternity are those of father and mother. In time we will be released from all other assignments we receive but not from that of father and mother.
As you ponder—not just read but ponder and meditate—on scriptural passages, the power of the Holy Ghost will distill truths in your mind and heart as a secure foundation in this uncertain time in which we live. As parents, prepare your children for the challenges they will encounter. Teach them truth, encourage them to live it, and they will be all right no matter how severely the world is shaken.
This Easter, resolve to make the Lord Jesus Christ the living center of your home. Be sure that every decision you make, whether it be of a spiritual or physical nature, be guided by the thought “What would the Lord Jesus Christ have me do?” When the Savior is the center of your home, it is filled with peace and serenity. There is a spirit of calm assurance that pervades the home that is felt by the children and adults alike.
Eldery Eyring, Sat morning
“The family has an advantage in the first eight years of a child’s life. In those protected years, because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, Satan’s use of the mists of darkness to hide the path to return home is blocked.”
Elder Perry, Mothers Teaching Children in the Home, Sat pm, 2010
“My mother understood the value of teaching her children about standards, values, and doctrine while they were young. The scope of Mother’s teaching included both secular and spiritual lessons. Part of our learning at home also involved memorizing scriptures, including the Articles of Faith, and the words of prophets, seers, and revelators.”
***Elder Bednar, Sat pm, 2010
“A spiritual early warning system that can help parents in Zion to be watchful and discerning concerning their children. Consisting of: (1) reading and talking about the Book of Mormon with your children, (2) bearing testimony of gospel truths spontaneously with your children, and (3) inviting children as gospel learners to act and not merely be acted upon. Parents who do these things faithfully will be blessed to recognize early signals of spiritual growth in or challenges with their children and be better prepared to receive inspiration to strengthen and help those children.”
***Elder Hales, Sun afternoon, 2010
“The greatest missionary work we will ever do will be in our homes.
The greatest family history work that we will do will be within our own homes.
The greatest rescue, the greatest activation will be in our homes.
The greatest faith we have will be within our homes as we remain strong in the trials and tribulations of parenthood.
The greatest love and the greatest teachings should be in our homes.”
Those are only a few, and I invite you to do a keyword search of our last Conference of parents, children, etc.
I’d like to close with my testimony. In much of what I studied, we are encouraged to teach our children about faith and repentance. I want to remind you that if they don’t know they are cherished and loved, repentance becomes a very scary thing. I might ask you to ask yourself whether you really believe that Heavenly Father loves you no matter what. Do you? When you think of your children and grandchildren and the love you have for them, can you imagine anything that would cause you to NOT love them anymore? I can’t. There was a point when my nature began to change so that when rules were broken or cherished belongings were shattered, that instead of getting angry, I saw the devastation that my children naturally felt when they did something wrong, and instead of lashing out, I drew them to me in love. I think our Heavenly Father is like that. If you don’t know that, I would invite you to seek after that knowledge. And please, please let your children know first and foremost that God loves them no matter what. I love the verses in Romans that say:
For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. And I would add nor sin nor imperfection.
Sin separates us spiritually, but He still loves us. If and when we repent, he is standing with open arms ready to draw us to Him. If we know He loves us, repentance becomes doable and bearable.
Family is divine. Our roles as men and women and parents are divine. Our children succeeding or getting distracted temporarily are not measures of our worth as parents. Whether they do or they don’t, most of the time, we cannot take the credit. When we set up the environment, we hope for the best, and combined with the proper use of their agency, they will be successful. I am grateful that we have a loving Heavenly Father and Savior to turn to in times of difficulty, to be a “present help” to us as parents. I consider my role as a mother as the most precious and sacred role of my earthly experience, and I have found that I am not so wise as I thought, but that as I have stumbled and fumbled to lead my children to Christ, I have found, it was they who led me. And I’m so grateful for it.
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