Sentimental Old Me

IAT = I am thankful

For my leaning toward sentimentality.

While vacuuming this morning around a chair that used to be my great great aunt's, and thinking of the loss in our community, I had two thoughts. Why am I so sentimental about things? And why do I love LDS funerals? Funny how our brains work sometimes. So, I just let my thoughts go and kept vacuuming.

I find it gut wrenching to rid my life and house of objects that belonged to loved ones. Before this morning, I never questioned why. As my family has encouraged me to clean up, clean out, reduce, minimize, it feels like I am letting THEM go. Currently my husband wants to get rid of the big oak table he made me for Christmas one year, and the big hutch desk that I made the same year. I look at him like he's grown an extra head.

As the vacuum reached under the couch, there was my mother; standing right in the middle of it. It's funny how her tragic end so very long ago, still has silver threads all intertwined in my head and my heart and my life. And my belongings.

The lifetime hopes of a relationship with her were "wrenched" from me when I wasn't paying attention. Trinkets and personal items didn't mean that much to me before then. But somehow, a place within me mistakenly thought that if I held on to a thing that someone owned, somehow I was retaining a part of them. Just recognizing that helps me to know, that's not true. But in my mother's case, not having known her long, I can understand why I might think that. The clinging doesn't change the past.

It's not just objects though, I'm sentimental about a lot of things. Exchanged letters, family recipes, cookies, music from the past. The longing left over from the losing, seems to be all wrapped up in it. Happy memories help transcend the loss.

I'm realizing that the very few memories I have of her, are far more precious that what I own that was once hers. That applies whether it's my mother's belongings, or my grandparents, my aunt, or the hundred little memorable things my children have made or given me that I have squirreled away as boxes of treasure.

Putting my hope in temporal things as worthy as some of that may be, doesn't hold a candle to Who I can put my trust in. Cue the love of funerals. I know it's weird! Maybe not so weird if you've ever been to an LDS funeral. If not, it's a positively confusing, uplifting swirl of emotion. But it nearly always ends with not just tears being dried, but lingering smiles and quiet laughter and fond memories all swirling together with satisfaction than embraces the sorrow.

Hope, and promise, and faith, and trust in the realness of things we cannot now see. Most of my LDS friends haven't accomplished much in the way the world might celebrate, though many of them are talented and accomplished. There is joy in finding out the little pieces of them that are planted in others after they are gone. The quiet, thoughtful, kept in the heart secrets that blessed the lives they touched. I also love hearing the story of their lives contributed by others that were a different experience than we created together.

Like the friend who died who owned dozens of cookbooks because she loved to read them, but she didn't cook. She made long lists of people she intended to bless and worked her way through them. Her life touched hundreds of students. Or the friend who I had no idea how many adventures he had growing up, including dangling his younger relatives out of the bottom of a plane as they skimmed over the desert. And how he'd drop everything to be there for a friend. Or the piano teacher who touched thousands over the years personally and musically. Who suffered many years physically but never complained and always wore a smile on her lips as she inquired about you and encouraged others. Or my friend's grandson today, who isn't remembered for scholastics, or sports, or music necessarily, but the rose left for every girl without a valentine, the helping a stranded stranger with a car in his suit while his date waited, the dancing in the kitchen as a handsome prince with his baby sister and her cousin dressed as princesses.

The celebration of their lives goes deep down in me, touches me, and inspires me to be and do a little better than I am being and doing.

My mother's funeral was not like that. I sat behind a curtain with my other family members who I did not know, at the front of the congregation. There was a disruption by a family member that completely stressed me out. The music was unfamiliar and there was only a little joy in hearing what some of her friends had to say about her. Perhaps it isn't fair because I can't think of a funeral at any church that would be a celebration when there is suicide. I can't think of ever attending an LDS funeral under those circumstances.

Anyway, with the vacuuming over and the funeral of the first of three boys finished, and time to ponder, I marveled at the teenage girl sitting alone among family strangers, with nothing and no one familiar, and a load of grief, regret, and sorrow, contrasted with a large family, larger extended family, hundreds of friends, and hundreds of supportive church and community members and the shared joy and laughter in the celebration of a life cut short far too young. (No, I'm not correcting that runon sentence. At least not now). I left uplifted by the faith and hope and trust in a Father with a great plan of happiness.

It's quite a difference. I love the faith, family, friendship, and fellowship, the shared burden, and the ultimate truths that lift and inspire and hope and trust in a forward time when there will be no more tears or grief or sorrow because of a Savior and His Father with a great plan of happiness that returns us to Him.

Knowing that, and the source of my clinging to things, allows me to consider letting go of the things, and embracing what truly brings joy. Interacting and sharing my life in such a way that when the time comes for my funeral, people will leave drying tears from their eyes, with a softened smile on their lips, a chuckle in their heart, and wanting to be and do a little better than they are being and doing. Maybe their sorrow will be kissed by the satisfaction of a combined story lived through each person I touched. My hope is that they too will look forward with hope to a loving Savior and Father and the plan that brings us all back together and a desire to be and do better.

The Gift My Friend Gave Me that Taught Me More About Jesus Than Anything Else

IAT = I am thankful

I've been wanting to write this post for a couple of months. Life is SO BUSY. I thought Summer was supposed to be a break! Really self-imposed because I've been traveling nearly every weekend. Most of it has been in the state of Az, but I'm having fun packing bags while I put my make up on and then a few days later, unpacking bags while getting ready for the day. I am not unpacked completely from the last trip and SURPRISE, I'm heading off again. I wish all my trips were this, but none of them have been. I love my adventures anyway.

As I sat in sacrament meeting this particular Sunday,I was seeing the Memorial Service of the sacrament. I began praying about my gratitude for all of it. As I prayed the words, "descended below all things" I immediately had a memory come to mind in living color. 

It was October, 1986. I had just received the news of my mother's death. I dropped the phone and was in a heap on the floor, wailing my eyes out. It was the lowest point of my life, and continues to be. My best friend had gone across the street to get my best guy friend. I don't think they were my home teachers. But he brought one of his roommates. 

Terrell or T as we all called him, ran toward our house. Or at least my mind had him running, and when he came through the door, and saw me in a heap of horror and sorrow, he slid himself under me, and lifted me into a sitting position (still on the floor), and began rocking me. He held me and rocked me until my wails became sobs, and I was a little more composed.  When I was finally quiet, Terrell and Jeff, gave me a blessing of comfort. I don't remember anything they said. 

I was surprised at this rerun of events and of course it nearly caused me to weep. Throughout the meeting (topic Last Supper) I kept seeing that scene, and having to make an effort to hold myself together. Tears every time I think of it. I wonder at how my friend T knew exactly what to do. He was an extraordinary person and there was no pause for what might be considered awkward. He acted how his heart led him to, and I was the grateful recipient. 

The scriptures and thoughts that have come to mind following that experience have been a blessing to me. How the Savior succors us, running to us in time of need. How our desperation invites a space for Him in our lives for comfort and healing. How he is a friend to us. How he figuratively and literally, slips below our sorrow, takes us in His arms and tenderly holds us and gives us what we need, blesses us. Takes our griefs and internalizes it and replaces it with peace if we let Him. It never occurred to me before, but I wonder if in those heart wrenching moments, He really does place His hands on our heads and extends a blessing. Or maybe He's wrapped us in His arms like my dear friend did.

Two of the kindest acts in my life happened around this experience. Both of them involved my best friend. One of them, she brought others. 

As sweet as those acts of kindness are, the greatest kindness of all is the Savior descending below ALL. 

Mine, yours, every living person, ALL of it at the same time! The sadness of victims and the depravity of those who victimize. We KNOW this. But, it's a beautiful reminder when the personal is applied. It's always been a very tender memory, but I'll never look at it the same way again. I KNOW that in that moment, GOD knew exactly who I was and what I needed, and He sent others to provide the need. He always does, and when we can open our limited understanding of these kinds of tragic experiences, we can truly see it.

My friend Terrell was diagnosed with Huntington's disease a year later. He struggled with the loss of his physical self until his passing maybe 16 years later. 

It was a joy and blessing to eat lunch with his dear wife on one of my most recent trips and a couple of our other friends from that time period. I shared this story with her and how deeply it touched me.

Some day, I'll get to embrace my Savior and thank Him for the awful price He paid and the help He gave me all my life. There are other special people I look forward to embracing as well. My friend T is one of them. He showed me what a true friend is, and he's still teaching me how to be more like Jesus.

Knowing Vs Understanding, 30 years worth

IAT = I am thankful

Last week we attended our annual Seminary and Institute Training. It's been 30 years of employment with the church. It's an interesting experience to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and also be employed by it. Actually we are employed by the Office of the President. Last time I checked anyway. So, my learning in both capacities is intertwined. We've had the great blessing of rubbing shoulders with some pretty great people, but the ones that share our employment, well, I wish we could be in one of their wards and stakes. Wait, we have 3 others in our stake. That makes me happy.

We and one other couple were asked to share a few things we wish we had known. I wrote this out and didn't share all of it and may add a little more, but this is what I was thinking as I pondered the question.Instead of sharing what I wish I had known, I'd like to share a few things I wish I'd understood instead. I've learned working with people with their health and wellness that knowledge rarely changes behavior. It's coming to an understanding that has the potential to. 

I remember our introduction to Church Education. We had a five day old baby and we were on the waiting list to be hired and we got an unexpected phone call to come in to Church Headquarters for an interview. We ran in to Elder Packer (my husband debates this, but that's my memory, made up or true, :-) in the elevator. He made a comment about our baby Moses that we were carrying around in a basket. I was scared to death Elder  ??? (the interviewing authority) would ask us if we read our scriptures every day, because we weren't as consistent as we could have been. 

I remember walking into our first area convention in Mesa being the newbies and having this profound respect for the giants we were associating with and I felt so unworthy. So, we're the more mature ones now and I can't say that I feel like a giant, but we have come to love and respect our very human counterparts and the support that they are. And the joy of serving and working together. 

So, keeping it short. 3 or 4 things I wish I understood when we started. I understand now, but wish I understood how knowing WHO I am and WHO'S I am is probably the most essential doctrine to my temporal and spiritual welfare. If I understood that, it would have relieved a lot of emotional suffering over the years. Because when you understand that you are literally a divine Son or Daughter of God, and you truly understand your relationship to Him and how you truly can become like Him, it uncomplicates nearly everything. 

The mommy thing. At some level, I used to resent it that older moms would say, "enjoy it while you can, bigger kids, bigger problems." I did want to just enjoy it but they clearly did not understand the pile of laundry, the never ending meals, and dishes and diapers and runny noses and...and....and..But it's true. I wish I had understood how fleeting those moments were and that the piles of stuff that needed to be done paled in comparison to the need to be truly present in the moments when laughter and joy and silliness reigned. I did take pictures with my heart. A LOT. Because I wanted my mom to see it since she wasn't there, but I would have been even MORE present to those moments, and less concerned about the rest.

Understanding how to rely on your partner. Bret and I are VERY different personalities. It caused issues at first but thankfully he has the gift of patience, at least with me, and a servant's heart and he just let me take my time to grow. He's a home body and an introvert, and I'm a more free spirited extrovert and he supports me in everything I do and I have supported him in everything he does. I never wanted to be that wife who complains about another church meeting, or why he's home so late from bishoping, or EQing, or whatever his current demands are. I've learned the value of the greatest partnership on earth. Oh, and we've never had a fight. Truth. He refuses to fight with me. It's hard to fight alone. :-)

Finally, understanding the loving, merciful nature of the atonement and our Savior and His grace. I used to be so afraid of God as a girl and a younger woman. Maybe that's because I was afraid of my dad at a significant level. I thought I was going to be punished every time I did something wrong. But, when I began looking for the promises to the righteous in the scriptures, I found them everywhere. It gave me hope. We were able several years ago to do the Pioneer Trails trip. And what I took away from it, after Martin's Cove and Rocky Ridge was that it was a miracle that ANY OF THEM survived. It so strengthened my testimony. 

And I feel that way about life in general. There is so much stacked against us and our children and grandchildren in our day. The adversary has an arsenal pointed at us to entice us to fail. Mental, emotional, DNA, generational, physical, just to name a few. It's a miracle that any of us get out alive or unscathed with so much to fight through. But our Heavenly Father is a prepper. Haha. I noticed that in the Book of Mormon one time. He goes ahead of us preparing a way. And if we just keep trying and relying on Him, the way is already there for us to stumble upon and meet our needs and challenges. I love that. 

I have a testimony that He's merciful. He knows all. And thankfully, no one can judge but Him. I know I need to trust Him always. Especially when I am afraid. It's been a great blessing to be a part of this great work on a supportive level, to rub shoulder with each of you, and to continue that work until the time comes that we are finished....

Pictures from out weekend.

The Three P's to Success

IAT = I am thankful every day

I've long considered myself a work in progress. But if you're like me, and maybe you are, maybe you aren't, you consider yourself a work in progress too. So, accepting that I am a work in progress, why is it that I so frequently forget it is the case? I've been given as a gift a stubborn case of tenacity. I love to set a goal or try a thing that invokes some level of terror, and like a stalking kitten intent on a moving ball of string, aim my site at it, and then pounce and try to make it mine. I love the intention, focus, and pouncing with the hope of having the goal in my grasp and wrestling it to completion. I like the rolling around on the floor with it until I really do feel I have captured it and it becomes a pleasant plaything.

As I have moved more into coaching, and have worked to encourage others to attain their goals and dreams for themselves, I find myself often using three particular words. As I have used them with friends, clients, and family, I have really realized the truth of them. Because as much as achieving a goal CAN BE like a kitten; gaze focused, wriggling body, and that pouncing moment where it is captured in its little claws, goals don't always wrap themselves up so neatly.

I've achieved many of my goals. Some are still in progress. But others, attempt after attempt have left me unsuccessful. While I may temporarily sulk, declare it's impossible, and say that I give up and will just forget about it, I know my curiosity will bring me back to chasing the ball of string again, in the hopes that the cosmic kitten tamer, will finally let me catch it and embrace it.

As a side note, we just got two new kittens in the house. :-) Cleo and Kally showed up while I was gone.

What are those three qualities that can serve you if you will consider them? Practice, patience, persistence.

Sometimes we set goals that are easy and sometimes we set goals that stretch us. It's the stretching ones that we gain the most from. We can learn to practice, over and over, with a focused gaze that will help us achieve the thing we are focused on, or we can give up when the easy is over. There may be rare occasions where we realize that "thing" isn't really what we wanted, but if we really want something desperately, it may take practice over and over and over. Olympic athletes aren't made in a day. Healthy bodies aren't recovered in a week. And some goals may take a lifetime. The act of practicing teaches us what works and what doesn't and helps us hone in on the HOW we can achieve our goal.

Patience is a match to practice. As we practice we gain new skills and insights, not just about the goal itself, but often about ourselves and our own character. Adding patience to practice is that wriggling, wiggling part that we wait for the right moment, the inspiration, the right connection before we pounce and bring the task into our grasp. Each goal we set has a particular gestation that we may not know the length. If we give up too soon, we may never know if the seed was about to break through the earth or the tree bloom. It's the patience that allows us to see the planted seeds grow into a bountiful harvest.

Persistence is the part that looks like practice and patience together. It's the capturing of the goal and wrestling it into completion; it's patience and practice in spite of difficulty or opposition. I love the quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson, where he says:

“That which we persist in doing becomes easier, not that the nature of the task has changed, but our ability to do has increased.”

When we give up on our goals, dreams, and desires, we lose the potential ability that we might have gained through persistence. I realize not every goal will be seen to completion, and we get to be the ones to decide whether we can or cannot, whether we want to or not. Persistence may be the deciding factor in whether we do or don't. This has been a favorite poem of mine for years.

Will to Win

If you want a thing bad enough
To go out and fight for it,
Work day and night for it,
Give up your time and your peace and
your sleep for it

If only desire of it
Makes you quite mad enough
Never to tire of it,
Makes you hold all other things tawdry
and cheap for it

If life seems all empty and useless without it
And all that you scheme and you dream is about it,

If gladly you'll sweat for it,
Fret for it, Plan for it,
Lose all your terror of God or man for it,

If you'll simply go after that thing that you want.
With all your capacity,
Strength and sagacity,
Faith, hope and confidence, stern pertinacity,

If neither cold poverty, famished and gaunt,
Nor sickness nor pain
Of body or brain
Can turn you away from the thing that you want,

If dogged and grim you besiege and beset it,
You'll get it! 

Berton Braley

Setting goals, and changing our mental patterns takes time. Some goals and thoughts are easily changed by learning something new or practicing something a few times. The worthwhile work of thinking and doing, is often much more trying, demanding, and challenging. Practice. Use patience. Persist until you succeed. Changing your habits and thinking is some of the hardest work in the world.

Merry Christmas 2018

IAT = I am thankful

A little more of what happened in our world this year. Starting with we did not get one single photo with all of us in it! We had a few days at a cabin this Summer, but I was really sick the last 36 hours and was on the couch. So, apparently I'm the only one that thinks to get a group photo!

Bret. We've recently received word that our bishopric will be released. Given that Bret's served practically everywhere but nursery, we are wondering what will be new for him soon at church as he is released from his duties. We spent our anniversary in San Diego this year. 30 years together. So hard to believe. I'm so grateful for who he is and how his example invites me to be better. We also went to our General Conference in Salt Lake City with our girls and visited our boy Jefferson.

We celebrated 5 years of Israel memories, by returning to Israel. This time our trip included Jordan. We know this is probably the last time we'll get to spend time in the Holy Land. It was every bit as good the second time. We never felt in danger and we made new friends and loved experiencing some new things, like Petra! We love the Holy Land. It's brought so much color to our study and our lives. I often go back there in my mind. 

Jerusalem, and actual stones where Jesus walked

 

Jerusalem

 

               Cave of the Patriarchs

  

                              Garden of Gethsemane

 

                                         Garden Tomb

  

                                  Petra

                                                       Jordan River (Jordan)   Pool of Bethesda

 

                               Galilee

  

                                Galilee                                                                                 

              Painting at Magdala                                                   Dead Sea


                                 Nazareth
 
                        Olive press                                                          Mt Carmel

                                                              Palestine
                         

 

               Jacob's Well                       Total eclipse, Jerusalem                         Lazarus tomb

 

                                                                                        Diana's temple? maybe

                        BYU Jerusalem                                                     Hyde Park

                       Temple Mount

                                      Mediterranean

                                                                           Road to Emaus

Dawn- Finished her studies at the Functional Medicine Coaching Academy (Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach) and spent several months studying for a national board exam. She passed the exam and is now a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. My favorite thing is taking quick trips. To see my children, to visit friends, and to enhance my education and learning. (Usually here in the West) I am grateful for the joy it brings and the support I have from Bret and family that allows me to do that. I've semi-retired from real estate but still help friends and family. My new website is almost finished. Check back when it's active. 

Andrew and Liz- It's been a rough time the last couple years including this year's shortening of one of Drew's fingers in a backyard accident. But, we love that they live right next door and drop in regularly. It's so nice when Drew stops by after works, or Liz brings the kids by randomly. Sometimes we have Nanna story days. Planning on making that more often, and welcoming the 3rd grandbaby in February. 

Chris and Anica- Chris and Anica are still in Tucson. Christopher just graduated with a Master's of Global Marketing Degree from Thunderbird School of Management at ASU. He's looking for work. :-) They have been able to take some amazing trips this year including India and Thailand. They are expecting their first baby in February as well. Both are boys. 

Joseph- Moved back home for a semester to finish his associate's degree. He fulfilled a dream by being cast as Joseph in the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Had an amazing performance in spite of a sore throat the whole week. After the semester, he moved to Utah and has a thriving Uber business and tunes pianos. He was in the Salt Lake Choral Artists choir most of the year and traveled with them to compete this Fall in Spain. We're looking forward to his next steps.

Jefferson- Jefferson move to Utah early in the year and paved the way for others coming after him. He works as Lead Kitchen at Core Life Eatery in South Jordan but just moved to the Mill Creek location. He works hard and we're sure that hard work ethic will pay off for him as he continues in the restaurant business or pursues real estate or wherever else he is led. 

Emily- Emily finished her time at EAC with her associate's degree and next week she's following her three brothers up to Utah. She'll be working with Jefferson and Noah at Core Life and figuring out what to do next. She has worked as a nanny this year playing with 4 little boys. Her stories remind me of the years we had four little boys. It's been great having her back at home for a few months. She'll be greatly missed as are her brothers. I'll probably find myself in Utah every few months. 

Noah- Noah graduated from his senior year by taking the GED. He finished with high honors and a few college credits. He graduated from seminary and he played one of Joseph's brothers in the Technicolor Dreamcoat with Joseph. Then he promptly headed to Utah to join Jefferson and works with him at Core Life. He's saving money and making plans for a mission. He's becoming a responsible young adult and that's what you hope for you kids. 

Olivia- Lastly, Olivia is now 15, and thriving at Pima High School as a sophomore. She's really gaining ground with her art and she has now been hired multiple times for commercial and personal art projects. She has started an instagram page for her artwork and projects. She plays volleyball and is active in church and friend activities. Her artwork is below. She's a tremendous help and I hire her for all kinds of stuff. 

https://www.instagram.com/o.n.point_calligraphyandart/

  Life isn't perfect or without challenges but no one promised it would be. We find peace in our faith and in our family. We know that life can be good no matter what and we can be grateful in every moment. We are so thankful for the peace that passes all understanding. It's the only thing in this world that is constant if we seek after it. Merry Christmas.