Since today is all about gratitude, the IAT will be the entire post. :-)
Thirty years ago today, a terrible tragedy happened. Like it does in many lives somewhere on the planet every day. But it happened, in my life that day. I received the news that my mother, after several heartbreaks in her life, a big health challenge, loss of a loving relationship, and a bout of depression, took her life. You can use the search box if you want to find the whole story. I don't even feel like linking today.
I believe that regrets must be what fans the flames of hell. Even for those who are evil and may find themselves suffering from those choices, even evil, is really bound up in regret. At least eventually. But gratitude, as I often write about, really is soothing to the soul. If you get lost in regrets, or sin, or dreams unfulfilled (still regret), you can be restored and hopeful through the blessing of gratitude.
So, since it's been 30 years and I refuse to stay in regret or the past, I choose to focus on 30 beautiful things to be grateful for.
1. Faith in Jesus Christ that saves me over and over and over.
2. That I had a beautiful mother briefly who thought my life was worth bringing forward.
3. That I had a dad who did the best he could all things considered.
4. That I had other family members who loved me as a child.
5. Brothers.
6. Friends, who taught me and led me and still do.
7. A church that has helped to make me what I am.
8. My friend's families who took me in often and showed me the hope of what a family could be.
9. Young Women leaders who really cared. I would not be where I am today without Young Women's, Youth Conferences, and Girl's Camp.
10. TREMENDOUS college friends who influenced me for good and helped me step up.
11. A BFF who still is today, who I can still count on. Sometimes we don't talk for long periods, but I know I can call her and we can talk about ANYTHING. OKYAY??? (Only she will get that, haha).
12. This is really number 2. That husband. Not enough could be said about his amazingness. Today, even though he got up and left the house long before I did, he arranged this for me.
13-20. The wonderful people who allowed me to experience motherhood. Can't say enough about them either.
14-16. The current girls who have come into our family. Beautiful, wonderful wives and mothers.
15-17. This should really be in the top 5. GRANDBABIES! Full of energy, hilariousness, and love.
18.
A wonderful family that I married into. Including Father and
mother-in-law. Bret's siblings and their wives. Lots of nieces and
nephews. Yes. LIFE IS ABOUT FAMILY. This is ours.
19. Health. It can't be replaced.
20. My personal gifts and talents that I am still discovering and the trust given to me that I will use them to bless others.
21. The beauty of the earth. From sunsets to fireflies and hummingbirds and fields of cotton, and...
22.
This is the appropriate spot for music because it combines the previous
one with one of my favorite songs. (Since I sang it in high school). (Combines my gratitude with all of it, :-)
23. FOOD of all kinds, but I really get jazzed by healthy food that keeps me healthy. Especially the dessert kind!
24. Oxygen. Um hello!
25. 8 acres all to ourselves. I may not love my house, but I love this spot.
26. My faith in Jesus Christ kind of includes all things churchy, but how I love the scriptures, and resources, and information at my fingertips, to learn more, grow more, and love more.
27. Forgiveness. Giving it and receiving it. So cleansing!
28. Travel! US, Mexico, Canada, Russia, Ukraine, Israel. And so many places I hope to go! But I'd go back to Galilee any day.
29. I just have to mention sunsets, since they made it twice in the pictures. My daddy got me loving sunsets. Sitting on the porch and chatting. I think I really need to start doing that with the few I have left. How could I have left that out??? See? Regret. Right there.
30. That I still have life and breath in me. That I can learn and love and create any future I want to. What a blessing it is. And I KNOW some day, my mother and I will embrace again. And all tears will be washed away. I have a LOT of favorite verses, but this has to be #1.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no
more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more
pain: for the former things are passed away.
The latest talk I am studying about gratitude:
https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2014/04/grateful-in-any-circumstances?lang=eng
for an invitation
for study time
for listening ears
for kind friends
for a loving Savior
In the midst of a very busy week, I got a phone call from the teacher man. He said he was speaking at devotional this week and would I speak with him? I think I said yes before I asked the topic. It's a topic I love to learn about but usually feel woefully inadequate to convey how I really feel about it. The Atonement; which if you read through my blog, you'll see I've spoken and written of this subject often. In lessons, Stake Conference, ward talks, and just my own personal pondering. But this time, there was a new angle. My husband wanted to introduce me and some of the trials I've faced and then he wanted me to talk about HOW the atonement helped me get through all of it. Against my better judgment and the pressures of the week, mostly because he asked me, I love him, and I don't want him to be disappointed, I said yes. (Because I love him. See? It's circular)
I hung up the phone with the question hanging in the air. HOW does/did the atonement help me with my burdens? My first answer was, "I don't know! It just does." I'm not sure I've ever asked THAT particular question. The one I usually ask myself is WHY? With everything I've been through, WHY did I make it to where I am? How is it that many other people have been through similar things, and it's broken them? What made the difference for me? Why did I make the choices I did leading me to where I am? I just don't know. I do know, I'm eternally grateful for whatever it is I was given, that gave me the strength to do it.
Sometimes, when people do hear where I started, after they get over the shock that I did not grow up in a formerly "typical" LDS home, I get the awe. It's always a little uncomfortable inside to me. Because I don't tell it and I certainly didn't experience it to be held in awe. I understand it of course, on one level, because there are people I have felt that way about. It was in the middle of the writing of the talk though, that I realized how to feel about others and how I want others to feel about me when they hear my story. Look for this line in my talk.
Don’t be
impressed with ME. Be impressed with the gifts of the atonement.
I suppose that's what I'm really in awe of.
I began writing my talk. I think I read 100 talks to prepare. Ok, exaggerating is a strength of mine too. I will list all the talks I can remember that I read at the end of this blog post and put my talk over on the talk page, so this post won't be so long. Anyway, I began writing on Sunday. I stayed up very late, but wasn't quite finished. I knew when I went to bed it was the wrong talk. I was a little devastated because, I was starting into another busy week. I was exhausted and wasn't sure how I'd go about writing another, 24 hours before I would give it. So, I called hubby at work with my dilemma. He said, "I can give a talk with scriptures and quotes! I need you to talk to them like it's just you and them, sitting together like you would with your friend, and speak to them from the heart." So, I sat down and poured it out on paper. I am not really sure I answered the HOW question, but maybe I did.
It’s through the enabling power of the atonement
that we can develop Christlike attributes.
That's HOW. We suffer as He did, and we gain a little understanding of Him. We become a little more like him. It strengthens us, if we let it, to go on. Then it starts again. It enables us to walk after Him.
So, teacher man began with a brief introduction of my story. A family. A beginning. A horrible going wrong of things. Divorce. Abuse. Kidnapping. Abuse, the loss of my mother. I don't focus on the details. I don't think it accomplishes anything. Then I stand to tell my story. I'm not a great speaker. I'm a decent teacher when I know the subject and I let go. Speaking, however, still requires me to rely on my written word. So, I am sure the presentation was average, but I hope those who were listening with their hearts felt what I intended. I had prayed fervently that those who needed to be there who COULD be touched and might need a lift, would be there. So, that's the story. You can read the talk here.
Here are some of the talks I read to prepare. I think my favorite is Elder Bednar's That We Might Not Shrink.
So a few weeks ago when we were in Colorado for Labor Day, we decided to go to Sacrament meeting in Del Norte, Co.. I specifically remember walking in the doors of this little building thinking, I'm grateful to have a place wherever I am to drop my burdens and leave them behind.
Such a neat little branch. It was the first Sunday of the month so it was fast and testimony day. The meeting started with a hymn and both the Teacher Man and I noticed the enthusiasm of the chorister. She brought joy to the congregation as she led the hymn. It was the most awesome chorister I've ever seen and we both felt compelled to talk to her after. My teacher man doesn't usually feel compelled to do things like that because he's so private. THAT'S how enthusiastic she was! She had joy on her face and she was leading with vigor and you could just tell she HAD A TESTIMONY of what we were singing. AWESOME!!!
The bishop got up and shared his testimony about a newly returned missionary in their home and a wedding. There were testimonies about the youth temple trip. I was impressed that MOSTLY adults got up and shared because a lot of times all the little children are setting the example. It was a wonderful meeting in that little branch and it gave me great comfort to know that like minded people are meeting every week around the world in service, and joy, and testimony, and strength. I love it!
There were men blessing the sacrament and it may have been the most meaningful I've ever heard the prayers given. It truly touched my heart! I felt so grateful for the sacrament and what it means.
I'm so glad we went. We try if there is a church anywhere near to go at least to Sacrament meeting. I've finally reached the point in my life where I truly realize the value of partaking of the sacrament. I want to be cleansed and sanctified each week, even if it's just a little branch in Del Norte, Co.
We also had a wonderful devotional back home with our P---ston family. We discussed the meaning of John 7: 38. "He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water." What a blessing it is to have access to living water through our belief on Him!
family, getaways, cousins, new adventures, cool weather
Preparedness has become a theme in my life the last 18 months. I've been in a process. It's more than having 72 hour kits or emergency supplies. It's a constant inventory of where I am, where I should be, where I want to be, and where I am going. Physical inventories have become much less important than internal inventories. So, I have tried to ask good questions, listen, and act on what I hear. I won't share what that personal journey looks like in this post because I think I have mentioned pieces of it in other posts. If not, oh well. I know my journey and the steps I have been taking. :-) You are able to seek and find a similar journey that is personal to just you. That's the really cool think about Divine Inspiration.
I was thinking last week about where I am in my journey and where I am going and how it aligns with my goals. The question came to mind, what more should I do? Is there anything else needed in my preparing? So I prayed about it. I had a kind of what lack I yet moment? The beauty of that is, even though the rich young man was told to sell all he had, that doesn't mean all of us need to do that. That was a custom answer for a custom question. Anyone who asks the question can get a custom answer. See the excellent talk by Elder Lawrence.
So for a few days in a row, I was praying what else I needed to be prepared for anything that comes, whether it's the unexpected blows life can deliver or the eventual return of the King of Heaven and Earth. Then I went to the temple. I noticed the word prepare. Something I'd heard dozens of times but never stood out before. It occurred to me, Anyone who has such a Wondrous Plan prepared for us is most definitely the King of preparedness. That was my thought. "God is the King of preparedness." As that thought turned around in my head, another thought came. It felt like the Spirit to me and it was in the form of a question.
"What if you had nothing?"What? "What if you lost everything, what if you have nothing?" What came naturally out of me was, well if I have nothing I still have YOU. THAT was a great comfort! Job was certainly faced with that circumstance. I HOPE I am not. I kept thinking about it though.
Since I finished reading the Book of Mormon this week, the theme that seems to have been there for me throughout this time, was there even at the end. I realized as I began reading and I was still the Gospel Doctrine teacher, that there was a theme of preparedness in the Book of Mormon. I wrote about it here, but the gist of it is that God will always provide a way for us and prepare a way for us ahead of our need. We only need to follow Him and keep His commandments.
Friday we were driving to Colorado for the weekend, and I shared my experience with the Teacher Man. He brought up the calming of the wind and waves in Mark 4, which led to an interesting discussion. Without telling the story, we discussed several points. Some of those disciples with him (probably his apostles, the twelve), were seasoned fishermen. They knew storms and danger and being on the waters. The waves filled the boat and they were concerned they might perish. When they woke Jesus and shared their concerns with him, His response was interesting. Why are you afraid? Why don't you have faith?
These disciples had what they likely considered EVIDENCE; a storm, raging winds, a boat filled with water, and yet, humanly, they feared. But Christ knew that there was nothing to fear and their faith should be placed in Him.
What a lesson for me that went right along with what I was pondering. I may have storms raging around me, winds blowing, a boat filling with water, EVIDENCE that I am sinking. What should my response be? I think I am to understand that just because I have evidence, it doesn't mean it is true in the sense that I am perishing or that He doesn't care that I THINK I am perishing. I think it means I can absolutely trust in Him in any circumstance and have faith in Him, that He is there for me, that He has already provided for me and that a way has been prepared. If I keep His commandments, and I live faithful in every situation, He will give me all the blessings He has promised.
If I ultimately face the end of my days on Earth, as the disciples feared before Jesus calmed the storm and their hearts, my hope is that I WILL BE so centered in Christ and so trusting of my Father and His greatest plan, that I can go confidently home to Him and rest in His promises.
Because, He can do this:
I can live so to receive it. Being calm and trusting my all to His tender care, that is my fondest hope.
for support of others, to find the greatness in young people, for good training, for great church lessons, to partake of the sacrament.
Recently, a friend was diagnosed with melanoma. She had to have an extensive and invasive biopsy to determine whether it was localized or had spread. I can only imagine what was going through her mind as she played the waiting game, to find out what her future would become. Fortunately, she was given good news even though she is still recovering from surgery. But I do personally know people who have been given the Doctor death sentence.
I abhor the DDS, stated as clearly and emphatically as my blog title, because NO ONE really knows when their appointed time is up until it is. Doctors can be wrong. There are such things as false positives, obedient patients often die at a suggestion, and nobody is God, but God. There are still such things as miracles. I'd PREFER that doctors be a little more general when they have to give a patient bad news.
In testimony meeting a few weeks ago, an elderly gentleman expressed the sentiment that he felt so strongly he should get up and bear his testimony because he was old enough that he was not sure if it would be his last.
I thought about that. Then I wondered if every one of us should not live as if it might be our last. After all, I could be in a terrible accident at any time and be gone. Or I could be given the dreaded DDS. Fortunately, I have not. But, what if I were? What would suddenly become important to me? What would be the final thoughts I would want my family to know? Regrets?
For my unmarried children, I would want them to know that their choice of a spouse is THE MOST IMPORTANT choice they can make. It's worth being patient in the choice, it's worth THINKING about, and if you choose poorly, BOY are there consequences. The very best choices can still be a difficult experience at times, so if you don't choose wisely, it's just going to be really difficult. I survived three divorce experiences as a child. I did NOT want that for myself.
I was once accused by a bishop of having a perfect conscience. Combine that with perfectionism, and life can get a little crazy, especially up in the dome piece as my boys like to call it. I want to know what is the RIGHT way to do things. And once I know what the RIGHT way is, then I have to do it that way. Once I am doing the RIGHT thing, I have to force myself not to look around and judge everyone else for the way they are doing it. This used to be a serious weakness. I was RIGHT dangit, and everyone else could just go fly a kite. Peasants! Fortunately maturity helps you realize that you can be right and not judge others, or more than one way can be right.
So once we were married I wanted to find out when was the right time to have children, how many should we have, what about birth control? Well, hey, there was no GOOGLE back in our day. So, I used the handy dandy reference set I stole from my dad when I permanently moved out. There were several titles including Jesus The Christ, Articles of Faith, Gospel Doctrine, Miracle of Forgiveness, Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, Discourses of Brigham Young, Doctrines of Salvation 1, 2, 3. And maybe one or two I've since forgotten. So we made decisions based on quotes like this:
President Joseph F. Smith
“Motherhood
lies at the foundation of happiness in the home, and of prosperity in
the nation. God has laid upon men and women very sacred obligations with
respect to motherhood, and they are obligations that cannot be
disregarded without invoking divine displeasure. In 1 Timothy 2:13–15,
we are told that ‘Adam was first formed, then Eve. …’ Can she be saved
without child-bearing? She indeed takes an awful risk if she wilfully
disregards what is a pronounced requirement of God” (Gospel Doctrine, 288–89).
President David O. McKay
“Love
realizes his sweetest happiness and his most divine consummation in the
home where the coming of children is not restricted, where they are
made most welcome, and where the duties of parenthood are accepted as a
co-partnership with the eternal Creator.
President Spencer W. Kimball
“… You
came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected,
immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership
with God in providing bodies for other spirits. … And so you will not
postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name to you
numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get
your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength
like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have
your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you
will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up
with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work” (“John
and Mary, Beginning Life Together,” New Era, June 1975, 8).
Elder Ezra Taft Benson
“The
first commandment given to man was to multiply and replenish the earth
with children. That commandment has never been altered, modified, or
cancelled. The Lord did not say to multiply and replenish the earth if
it is convenient, or if you are wealthy, or after you have gotten your
schooling, or when there is peace on earth, or until you have four
children. The Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: … Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them. …’ (Ps. 127:3, 5.)
We believe God is glorified by having numerous children and a program
of perfection for them. So also will God glorify that husband and wife
who have a large posterity and who have tried to raise them up in
righteousness” (in Conference Report, Apr. 1969, 12).
And so we did. Or didn't as the case may be, because...that was right. I was scared not to do what was right for fear of falling under condemnation. Plus, once we started our family, I was so in love with my babies that I was addicted to having more I think! I had a desire for children. :-) I MISS THOSE BABIES! What I learned after all those years, and recently nearly ten years of being a working mother, is that THERE IS NO GREATER PURPOSE IN LIFE! NONE, that compares to having children and creating a family. There IS NO GREATER joy than the joy children bring. (Nor heartache, sorrow, suffering, grief, worry, stress, etc). But the joy is the paycheck that makes it all worth it. I am SO GLAD we did not put off having our children, because I know now looking back, that could have been a huge regret.
Though the message is the same today in the church, it seems to be
delivered a little more softly leaving decisions and accountability up
to the listener. This was from President Packer's last talk in General
Conference.
"The commandment to multiply and replenish the earth has never been
rescinded. It is essential to the plan of redemption and is the source
of human happiness. Through the righteous exercise of this power, we may
come close to our Father in Heaven and experience a fulness of joy...The power of procreation is not an incidental part of the
plan; it is the plan of happiness; it is the key to happiness."
My biggest regret is having been a working mother at all. Even though I tried to choose an occupation that would allow me some control over my time, I also chose an occupation that sometimes I have zero control over my time. Oh the irony! My greatest regret is that I missed out on some important connections with some of my children. You cannot change or erase that. The decision to work has to be made carefully for a mom and ways to make up for it should be thought about too. Sigh.
Even though it should probably be God and Family, there is the Family part. What remains is the God part and the Life part. I learned nearly completely on my own, OK my Heavenly Father played a pretty big part there, to make my own good choices. That perfect conscience was a gift from early on, because I wanted to do the right thing. Even though my childhood circumstances were far from ideal. Even though there was drama, trauma, and heartache. There were happy times too. But the people around me were not providing the example I needed, so my church life really shaped me. I'm eternally indebted to wonderful teachers, leaders, and friends!
I have learned particularly over the last few years, that any gospel study you do, only puts you ahead down the road. Keeping your covenants brings greater spiritual power than anything. When you take a step toward God, he runs ten steps toward you. I've become completely intent on never missing the sacrament. As I have studied it more, it has become so meaningful. I cannot be clean without it and I want to be clean, so that if I do get hit by a Mack truck suddenly, I am ready to look into the face of my Savior. Repenting every day brings joy. Praying every day brings peace. I've learned that God knows ME, little Dawn-Marie in Central Arizona. He knows and loves me. Incredible!
I love fasting and going to the temple. Often. All of these things together have brought me more peace than anything else. I had no idea how meeting all of those requirements would make life easier, more bearable, more joyful and happy. I didn't know how ignorant I was until I made these regular practices.
And what of life in general? Build, Dream, Believe, Love, Sing and laugh.
Life is life. We have to work. We can't just say, I'm living in a bubble and having fun, but we can also choose to find and make meaning in every day. I think I could do better at that. I hope I can and will do better at that. That is one of my goal's for this year. I hope I'll have help in it.
Finally, I have this weird thing with funerals. Unless they are outright tragic events, I like them. I am always given so much to ponder. Is my life worthy of praise? Would anyone show up to my funeral? Would they miss me? Would they feel as if my life on earth was a blessing to them? Would my family be grateful for my sacrifices in their behalf? I'm not the one that gets to answer those questions. I hope I will live my life such that, whether I have 60 days or more than 6000, that there will be meaning, purpose, joy, fun, and satisfaction.
for a/c that works (while it lasts), for good examples, for great people I know, for a Father in our home, for a Father above
The older I get, the more I like church. Hmmm, is church better or am I better? Probably church, but I *am* trying to be better. In RS today, the lesson was on True Greatness. There were a couple of quotes I really liked. All Howard W Hunter except where noted.
“Giving consistent effort in the little things in day-to-day life leads to true greatness. Specifically, it is the thousands of little deeds and tasks of service
and sacrifice that constitute the giving, or losing, of one’s life for
others and for the Lord."
“Those things which we call extraordinary, remarkable, or unusual may make history, but they do not make real life. After
all, to do well those things which God ordained to be the common lot of
all mankind, is the truest greatness. To be a successful father or a
successful mother is greater than to be a successful general or a
successful statesman.” Joseph Smith
"To do one’s best in the face of the commonplace struggles of life—and
possibly in the face of failure—and to continue to endure and to
persevere in the ongoing difficulties of life when those struggles and
tasks contribute to others’ progress and happiness and one’s own eternal
salvation—this is true greatness."
"The achievement of true greatness is a long-term process. It may involve
occasional setbacks. The end result may not always be clearly visible,
but it seems that it always requires regular, consistent, small, and
sometimes ordinary and mundane steps over a long period of time."
"It is this...aspect of our self-evaluation—the effect of our lives on
the lives of others—that will help us understand why some of the
common, ordinary work of life should be valued so highly. Frequently it
is the commonplace tasks we perform that have the greatest positive
effect on the lives of others, as compared with the things that the
world so often relates to greatness."
Our teacher shared two powerful stories. Both triggered my memory of great people in my life. The first was a story by Former General RS Pres, Julie Beck about her heartbreak as a young mother when her mother moved very far away.
It made me think of the same question I've had nearly my whole life long. Who is my mother? Who will be my mother? And my answer was similar to Julie's mother's answer to her. From the time I was 5, it was either an aunt, a grandmother, a sister in Primary, Young Women, and later visiting teachers, visiting teaching companions, fellow sisters I served with, women I visit taught, close friends, sisters-in-law, my mother-in-law and many more. I watched them all carefully. Because I wanted to be a good mother. Especially since I did not particularly feel I started out as one; not having had an example myself. What a blessing these women were to me! And continue to be! I've even made friends with some of the older generation through the years, and some of them have become dear friends.
The second story shared through video is a tear jerker I saw a few months ago. A true example of simple greatness, done quietly with no fanfare.
A group of men band together to help a woman whose husband left her after she was diagnosed with MS. A must watch.
Hearing Kathy's story, made me think of another Kathy I knew. I had been called as a Primary President in my ward and had called two very capable counselors. One of them had a large family like me. In fact, I had my sixth baby while I was Primary President. The other was a single mom of two. I loved these women! They helped me accomplish a very simple but great work in our stewardship over about 40 children.
We had a boy in Primary that took our attention frequently. He was a happy active boy with Down's Syndrome. He needed a special assistant for his own needs and he was the topic of discussion in our presidency meetings most of the time for at least two years. For some reason, this position to be his assistant proved nearly impossible to fill. No sooner than we THOUGHT we had filled the position, his assistant would move, or be gone a lot, or stop coming to church altogether. It was so frustrating to not be able to meet his needs. It was a constant matter of prayer. We finally got the bright idea to call a couple. One to be his assistant and one to teach the rest of his class. This was all going quite well when out of nowhere, the man in the couple was called to be the Elder's Quorum President.
I was so shocked I cried. I went into the bishop's office crying. He felt terrible. He'd forgotten completely where the man was serving. And I had a witness in that moment, that he was called of God. Because if the bishop had remembered, he would have never called him, because he would have known the burden it would be to us.
In desperation, one more time, we went to the table in prayer to figure out what to do. And then Kathy spoke up. "I could do it." Could do what? "I could be his assistant and you can get a new counselor." Well that's the LAST thing I wanted to do, but as we pondered that possibility it absolutely made the most sense. It would be far easier to get a counselor, sadly, than it would to continue to put this sweet boy through the chaos he was experiencing
So, I called a new counselor. And for the next 6 years or so (long after we were released), she was his exclusive assistant. What a simple yet GREAT commitment and act of love and service! It sure made a difference to him!!! It was an amazing testimony to me. I was so grateful! And I got to have another really great counselor. After he left Primary, a brother in our ward served him in an equally great way until the boy became a young man and unfortunately passed away several years later.
There are many ways in the world to be great. I don't dismiss the purposes individuals in life have that they dedicate their lives to. But it really is the small and simple things that bring great things to pass.
first world problems, a/c (I'm always thankful for A/C in AZ, haha), my handyman hubby, a nice soft bed, nice soft sheets
Last week, we went happily to attend commencement exercises for my lovely daughter. Here she is with one of her good friends.
Emily girl and Kelly girl
We took Emily out to dinner early, and then headed over to the Jr college football field to get some good seats. We were almost an hour early. Did I say good seats? I wanted to sit in the middle section. I truly wish I could publicly humiliate the guilty parties, but I didn't think to take a picture of it until later. By then the seats were filled. Here is a tiny portion of what I faced. TINY.
This was the bench below us, saved with twine and programs. The. Whole. Row.
But what was worse was the other 5-10 people saving row upon row upon row, with blankets and other butt blocking devices.
Here are some other forms of seat saving under other circumstances. The magazine method.
The horizontal reach.
The limbs to chairs ratio.
The Whatever it takes method was clearly being used at graduation.
I was curious. My Granny, having raised me with constant reminding about proper social behavior, came to mind. I wondered what the rules were. I had a hard time finding what I was looking for, but here is one article.
Because my aformentioned Granny gave me a Miss Manners book when I graduated, I went to her website and wrote this to her:
Dear Miss Manners,
I am happy to have been the recipient of manners training by my dear
Granny, who not only taught me proper etiquette, but bought me a Miss
Manners book upon my graduation. I am sure she would have been as
astonished as I was, when attending my daughter's graduation from high
school, I was presented with a dozen unrelated people saving seats for
HUNDREDS of others.
I came an hour early WITH my family, including our daughter's
grandparents in their late 70s. When I tried to secure a seat in the
middle section so we could enjoy the commencement exercises, I was told
that row after row of seats were saved.
When I expressed under my breath, "this isn't right", one woman who had
literally spread blankets over 3 or 4 ROWS of bleachers, replied, "you
could have come earlier." I simply told her it's not right to save 100
seats, to which she repeated her previously smug statement. I resisted
the urge to tell her that none of the people she was saving seats for
had come as early as I.
What is the proper rule for seat saving? I admit I have saved a seat or
two in my time. But it never would have occurred to me to save 100 or
multiple rows. When the man below us, who was also saving an entire row
with twine and programs called his family member to tell them to hurry,
minutes before the program started, he said, "I can't hold them anymore.
People are going to steal them." I was incredulous.
Perplexed in Arizona
When she answers, I'll update the post. Yes, yes, there have been a few occasions when I have gone early to a church meeting and saved a few seats for my family. The conclusion I am coming to that makes sense to me is that, either the people you are saving for should be in the building or on their way in, OR you should not save more than the 2 hands God gave you with which to save them. Feet don't count as hands for erect sentient beings. :-)
