About a month ago I was asked to speak at our annual Relief Society retreat. Here are the thoughts I shared this morning.
Standing Strong and Immovable in Families
There was so much good information I came across this month while pondering the assignment I was given from Juie Beck’s talk in General Conference in Oct 2007. I was walking one morning last week and just asked if I could be inspired what to focus on. And a question and an image came to mind. The question was, how do you stand fast and immovable in families if you are not strong yourself. And the image below came to mind with the words (spiritual, physical, emotional, social).
In this month’s First Presidency message in the Ensign, I found the following quotes.
President Heber J. Grant (1856–1945) said, “Without the devotion and absolute testimony of the living God in the hearts of our mothers, this Church would die.” Think about that.
President Gordon B. Hinckley counseled the women of the Church: “It is so tremendously important that the women of the Church stand strong and immovable for that which is correct and proper under the plan of the Lord. …
Matthew 22: 37-39, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
Implicit in the two great commandments is the commandment to love THYSELF! There is no way we can stand strong and immovable in families if we don’t have what approaches self-worth. Satan would have women of our day believe we are anything but a child of God, a daughter of God. As my dear husband would say, and did in his testimony recently, “if momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy. “The strength and success of your family is directly proportional to your own inner strength which comes from faith in Christ.”
Spiritual, physical, emotional, social. These closely parallel, wisdom, stature, favor with God and with man.
Spiritual- faith, obedience, covenants. Sister Merrill focused on faith this morning. The only thing I will add is a question. Are you a woman of faith or a woman of fear? Elder Kevin Pearson in his excellent talk in conference on Faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, pointed out. “We get what we focus on consistently.” What are you focusing on? He said some of the forces that erode our faith are self-imposed “personal tendencies, attitudes, and habits we can learn to change.” And he gave the 6 destructive d’s. “ Doubt, discouragement, distraction, lack of diligence, disobedience, and disbelief.
Obedience- the older I get, the more I learn that the key to blessings is obedience. If I want more blessings, I need to be more diligent as a follower of Christ. In the Doctrine and Covenants section 130, we learn
20 There is a law, irrevocably decreed in heaven before the foundations of this world, upon which all blessings are predicated—
21 And when we obtain any blessing from God, it is by obedience to that law upon which it is predicated.
Wouldn’t it be great to know which commandment brought which blessings, so that when we see a lack, we can just beef up our obedience in that area and get the blessings? Well we can do that without knowing. I think the story of the stripling soldiers and their mothers is one of my favorite in the Book of Mormon. And for a long time I wondered, what did their mothers know? One day I got tired of asking myself that question and read the story thoroughly to find out and here is what I found. In Alma 57,
21 Yea, and they did obey and observe to perform every word of command with exactness; yea, and even according to their faith it was done unto them; and I did remember the words which they said unto me that their mothers had taught them.
I want to be like the stripling warriors and their mothers. And this is the advice I give my sons as they enter the mission field. Obey with exactness and you can ask the Lord for His blessings with confidence. When we are obedient we can as in Hebrews 4, “come boldly unto the throne of grace that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.” I know I need that.
Covenants—I wish I had more time to discuss the importance of obtaining and keeping our temple covenants. There is so much power in doing so. In Elder Christofferson’s talk in conference, he gave three ways that keeping our covenants can help us “smile through hardships, convert tribulation to triumphs, be anxiously engaged in a good cause, and bring to pass much righteousness.” 1) keeping covenants provides "a continual flow of blessings promised by God in His covenant with us, 2) they produce the faith necessary to persevere and to do all things that are expedient in the Lord, 3) come what may, we can face life with hope and equanimity, knowing that we will succeed in the end."
Physical- exercise (15 min a day is better than nothing), eat right (less sugar, less fat, less meat, less junk, less prepackaged food, more fruits, more veggies, more fiber, more whole grains—unless you are retired. Like Sister Hinckley ), relieve stress. Get a massage, go for a walk, listen to uplifting or happy music, read a good book, call a positive friend, spend time with a little person, hold a baby (preferably sleeping), laugh, cry, forgive. Take 3 deep breaths, tense and relax, let muscles go head to toe.
Emotional- mental too. Thoughts, gratitude, personal proclamation.
Some of this is a repeat for Duncan ward sisters. We can control our thoughts. Over four years ago I read As a Man Thinketh, by James Allen. It had a powerful impact on me.
"MAN'S mind may be likened to a garden, which may be
intelligently cultivated or allowed to run wild; but whether
cultivated or neglected, it must, and will, bring forth. If no useful
seeds are put into it, then an abundance of useless weed-seeds will
fall therein, and will continue to produce their kind.
Just as a gardener cultivates his plot, keeping it free from weeds,
and growing the flowers and fruits which he requires, so may a man
tend the garden of his mind, weeding out all the wrong, useless, and
impure thoughts, and cultivating toward perfection the flowers and
fruits of right, useful, and pure thoughts."
First fill our minds with good things, good music, tv, reading, computer time, etc. Next erase bad thoughts and replace with good. When a negative thought appears and I recognize it, I immediately reverse it. So, when I started this, I often had thoughts like, “I’m a bad mom, I’m so stupid, what an idiot, and so on.” (Not to mention all the judgmental thoughts about others) At first I started just noticing how often I was quietly voicing these kinds of thoughts and then I began waging war on them. I often found myself arguing with myself. I’m a bad mom—oh no I am not. I am a good mom. I’m stupid—I am not, I am smart. And so on. When you argue enough with yourself, you lose, and then you win!
One day while going through a self help book I have on how to reverse negative emotions, I read this affirmation. “I am God’s gift to the world.” And it sank deeply into my heart as truth. And I share it with others whenever I can. Just like we pour our hearts and souls, hopes and dreams into our children and send them out to kindergarten and later college, job, mission, marriage, our Father has sent us here to be a gift and a blessing. I rarely criticize myself anymore. Sisters, YOU are God’s gift to the world. More importantly, you are God’s gift to your families. Embrace it, and know it is true.
As I have tried to integrate positive thought and gratitude in my life, one day I was reading the Relief Society Declaration (
read here) and was very moved by its statements. I compared it to the Young Women’s Theme (
read here) and found that these were the kinds of things I wanted to be and do in my life. I decided to write my own “Personal Proclamation.”
A personal proclamation is a statement of who you are and what you want to be. It is all written in the present tense as if it were already accomplished. It’s been proven that writing goals enables us to better accomplish them. A goal not written is just a dream and while the Personal Proclamation is not a goal it is a direction or focus for your life. It can cover any and all areas of your life. Mine covers ten and I will share a few of them. Here are a few topics that could be covered in a Personal Proclamation. Self, life (role), attributes, education, finances, blessings, ideas, goals, worth, physical/mental health, relationships (divine and other) and so on.
1-I am a precious daughter of God (who loves me and I love Him) and my life has meaning, purpose, and direction.
4-I am faithful, joyful, peaceful, pure of heart, and compassionate.
8-I share my ideas and feelings in a way that supports my thoughts, goals, and self worth, while recognizing the same in others. 9-I am a peacemaker.
10-I enjoy vibrant health, positive emotions, wonderful relationships, and meaningful spiritual experiences.
Gratitude- The Doctrine and Covenants (59) tells us: 21 And in nothing doth man offend God, or against none is his wrath kindled, save those who confess not his hand in all things, and obey not his commandments.
If you want to get on the wrong side of God, forget to thank him and forget to keep His commandments. 1 Thess. says to give thanks in all things because it is the will of God. Gratitude is another attribute I have sought after the last couple or years. At times I have kept a gratitude journal. I try in the worst of circumstances to find something to be grateful for. And I have found that over time, I am happier because I am focusing on what I have and not what I don’t. Most recently I have begun to attempt to be grateful truly for all things. Positive or negative. And in that practice, I have found that because I am still grateful even if I am stressed, or angry, or disappointed, or grief stricken, that I am so much more able to see my Heavenly Father’s hand and to move much more quickly through that trial and receive needed answers because I am not wallowing in those negative emotions. Sometimes the answers are obvious but we are so bogged down in the thoughts and emotions that we cannot see them right in front of us. Elder Eyring said in a conference talk some time ago,
You could have an experience with the gift of the Holy Ghost today. You could begin a private prayer with thanks. You could start to count your blessings, and then pause for a moment. If you exercise faith, and with the gift of the Holy Ghost, you will find that memories of other blessings will flood into your mind. If you begin to express gratitude for each of them, your prayer may take a little longer than usual. Remembrance will come. And so will gratitude.
Social-spend more time with those you love (including your Heavenly Father) and less time with those you don’t. Less time with media. Spend time in real life not pretend computer life. Face to face contact. (Elder Bednar) Serve others, think less of yourself, reach out. Don’t participate in gossip. If you have all the appeal of a corpse, the person trying to share the information, will get the message and stop sharing.
Sister Beck— In a recent talk to seminary and institute teachers said, Anything anti-Christ is anti family and any message the world has that is anti family is anti-Christ.
She also taught that the creation/fall/atonement were all for the establishment of eternal families. Without these blessings,
D&C 2: 1-3
1 Behold, I will reveal unto you the Priesthood, by the hand of Elijah the prophet, before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord.
2 And he shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers.
3 If it were not so,
the whole earth would be utterly wasted at his coming.
Elder Uchtdorf: “As you live up to this mission, in whatever life circumstance you find yourself—as a wife, as a mother, as a single mother, as a divorced woman, as a widowed or a single woman—the Lord our God will open up responsibilities and blessings far beyond your ability to imagine.”
“You are the real builders of nations wherever you live, because strong homes of love and peace will bring security to any nation.”
It is my testimony that as we place our faith in Christ and seek to be stronger in our own self-worth that we will also create stronger families. Our families are only as strong as we are. If we are a weak link, then it is more difficult for our families to have the strength they need. Some children do find a way to rise above their environment and resolve to be successful in their family life, but outcomes are generally better in families grounded in gospel principles. May you be blessed in your efforts to strengthen your selves and your families whatever your circumstances.
