Merry Christmas 2018

IAT = I am thankful

A little more of what happened in our world this year. Starting with we did not get one single photo with all of us in it! We had a few days at a cabin this Summer, but I was really sick the last 36 hours and was on the couch. So, apparently I'm the only one that thinks to get a group photo!

Bret. We've recently received word that our bishopric will be released. Given that Bret's served practically everywhere but nursery, we are wondering what will be new for him soon at church as he is released from his duties. We spent our anniversary in San Diego this year. 30 years together. So hard to believe. I'm so grateful for who he is and how his example invites me to be better. We also went to our General Conference in Salt Lake City with our girls and visited our boy Jefferson.

We celebrated 5 years of Israel memories, by returning to Israel. This time our trip included Jordan. We know this is probably the last time we'll get to spend time in the Holy Land. It was every bit as good the second time. We never felt in danger and we made new friends and loved experiencing some new things, like Petra! We love the Holy Land. It's brought so much color to our study and our lives. I often go back there in my mind. 

Jerusalem, and actual stones where Jesus walked

 

Jerusalem

 

               Cave of the Patriarchs

  

                              Garden of Gethsemane

 

                                         Garden Tomb

  

                                  Petra

                                                       Jordan River (Jordan)   Pool of Bethesda

 

                               Galilee

  

                                Galilee                                                                                 

              Painting at Magdala                                                   Dead Sea


                                 Nazareth
 
                        Olive press                                                          Mt Carmel

                                                              Palestine
                         

 

               Jacob's Well                       Total eclipse, Jerusalem                         Lazarus tomb

 

                                                                                        Diana's temple? maybe

                        BYU Jerusalem                                                     Hyde Park

                       Temple Mount

                                      Mediterranean

                                                                           Road to Emaus

Dawn- Finished her studies at the Functional Medicine Coaching Academy (Functional Medicine Certified Health Coach) and spent several months studying for a national board exam. She passed the exam and is now a National Board Certified Health and Wellness Coach. My favorite thing is taking quick trips. To see my children, to visit friends, and to enhance my education and learning. (Usually here in the West) I am grateful for the joy it brings and the support I have from Bret and family that allows me to do that. I've semi-retired from real estate but still help friends and family. My new website is almost finished. Check back when it's active. 

Andrew and Liz- It's been a rough time the last couple years including this year's shortening of one of Drew's fingers in a backyard accident. But, we love that they live right next door and drop in regularly. It's so nice when Drew stops by after works, or Liz brings the kids by randomly. Sometimes we have Nanna story days. Planning on making that more often, and welcoming the 3rd grandbaby in February. 

Chris and Anica- Chris and Anica are still in Tucson. Christopher just graduated with a Master's of Global Marketing Degree from Thunderbird School of Management at ASU. He's looking for work. :-) They have been able to take some amazing trips this year including India and Thailand. They are expecting their first baby in February as well. Both are boys. 

Joseph- Moved back home for a semester to finish his associate's degree. He fulfilled a dream by being cast as Joseph in the Technicolor Dreamcoat. Had an amazing performance in spite of a sore throat the whole week. After the semester, he moved to Utah and has a thriving Uber business and tunes pianos. He was in the Salt Lake Choral Artists choir most of the year and traveled with them to compete this Fall in Spain. We're looking forward to his next steps.

Jefferson- Jefferson move to Utah early in the year and paved the way for others coming after him. He works as Lead Kitchen at Core Life Eatery in South Jordan but just moved to the Mill Creek location. He works hard and we're sure that hard work ethic will pay off for him as he continues in the restaurant business or pursues real estate or wherever else he is led. 

Emily- Emily finished her time at EAC with her associate's degree and next week she's following her three brothers up to Utah. She'll be working with Jefferson and Noah at Core Life and figuring out what to do next. She has worked as a nanny this year playing with 4 little boys. Her stories remind me of the years we had four little boys. It's been great having her back at home for a few months. She'll be greatly missed as are her brothers. I'll probably find myself in Utah every few months. 

Noah- Noah graduated from his senior year by taking the GED. He finished with high honors and a few college credits. He graduated from seminary and he played one of Joseph's brothers in the Technicolor Dreamcoat with Joseph. Then he promptly headed to Utah to join Jefferson and works with him at Core Life. He's saving money and making plans for a mission. He's becoming a responsible young adult and that's what you hope for you kids. 

Olivia- Lastly, Olivia is now 15, and thriving at Pima High School as a sophomore. She's really gaining ground with her art and she has now been hired multiple times for commercial and personal art projects. She has started an instagram page for her artwork and projects. She plays volleyball and is active in church and friend activities. Her artwork is below. She's a tremendous help and I hire her for all kinds of stuff. 

https://www.instagram.com/o.n.point_calligraphyandart/

  Life isn't perfect or without challenges but no one promised it would be. We find peace in our faith and in our family. We know that life can be good no matter what and we can be grateful in every moment. We are so thankful for the peace that passes all understanding. It's the only thing in this world that is constant if we seek after it. Merry Christmas.

Lessons from and Apologies to My Black American Sister

IAT = I am thankful

This is me and two of my favorite girlfriends. Leslie (right) introduced me to Cari (middle) and there is something really special about her. Before anyone gets up in arms about the title of my post, I talked to Cari at length about what SHE PREFERS to be called. Cari has many cultures in her background including African, Egyptian, Caucasian, and Cherokee. Those are the ones I know. There may be more. I found it of great interest that her father's birth certificate listed him as colored (I think), hers said Negro (I think) and one of her children's said African American. But they did not all say that. The point is and I'll correct my mistakes if she corrects me (we've talked about SO MUCH), her skin is one color (that's debatable too, haha) but different generations have been "identified" differently. How confusing! I'm not sure because I never noticed, but I think all the Birth Certs in my family generations either say White or Caucasian. No confusion. Because of Cari's multifaceted history, she prefers to honor that history by being considered a Black American.

I think this post could go on for ages. We'll see where it leads me as I explain WHY I apologized to Cari for something I did not do to her, but to others of her race, while they were doing something to me.

I attended a nearly all white high school in Georgia. 1200 students and I only had one class briefly with one black girl. Choir. There were a handful of other Blacks/African Americans in my entire high school. Some of my family were clearly racist. My grandparents were prejudiced. They didn't like any of the "masses" no matter their color. They simply had a superiority complex. I really had no experience around other colors of people and had no opinions other than what I heard through media, the news, and limited conversations on the topic around my family. One of my favorite friends in high school was Chinese though. Hi Macy!

Well, since Cari and I became close quickly, I began to have all those questions surfacing that I had always wondered about but never knew anyone personally enough to ask. So I've asked her tons of race questions and she has patiently and lovingly explained her view of my questions. As a background, she comes from an amazing family. Her dad was a minister and he helped organized the first Martin Luther King march. She has a PHD in psychology, she and all of her siblings have been arrested for civil disobedience and are proud of it, and I LOVE picking her brain. And laughing hysterically with her on polo.

A few days ago, out of the blue, a memory came to my mind, quickly followed by another. The first memory, was of some high school boys (could have been any color) but they just happened to be black. Since that's what we called them in the 80s that's what I am going with and mean no offense. They stood fixed in the hallway while all the students came around the corner to go to lunch and made what I felt were crude remarks while looking at the backsides of all the girls walking past them. I was offended and enraged, and I think I might have turned them in. I didn't mean for the words to come out, they just did. I was at once horrified and terrified. Under my breath, the words escaped from my lips, "STUPID N's!" On the one hand I was embarrassed and a little ashamed. On the other, I was pretty sure they were going to come after me, but fortunately they either didn't hear, or ignored and laughed at me.

As the memory came up, I felt compelled to apologize to Cari. I won't go into all those details, but she was touched and accepting and forgiving. It meant a lot to her!

The second memory was a few years later, during my freshman year at BYU. I don't remember the class but we watched a film that included an adoption story where the white couple adopted a black baby. This was a new concept to me and I spent some time thinking about it. Then wondering; if I could not have children, would *I* adopt a black baby? I resolved that I would. The color of a baby's skin was not a consideration to me if I were going to have the privilege of rearing any.

But WHY would I feel the need to apologize to Cari. Well, I think partially because of the discussions we've had. Much of what she has told me was simply a backup testimony of bits and pieces I've heard all my life in various places including school, movies, conversations, etc. Others have been from her experiences and her knowledge of the general experiences of many of her race. I don't REALLY know why I thought to apologize, I just DID. But I have a few guesses.

In my coach training, I look for and find articles myself and shared by other coaches on all types of subjects. One that has fascinated me recently is the idea that trauma can be passed down through generations and has been proven through the study of holocaust victims and their children and grandchildren, and actually studying mice. See the following long but fascinating story.

https://discovermagazine.com/2013/may/13-grandmas-experiences-leave-epigenetic-mark-on-your-genes

The second reason that may have affected my apology is, years ago, I went to one of my first seminars, which I can't even remember the seminar, but I had a roommate (Genie) who was telling me about her traumatic background. She shared that some time after her experiences, she was sharing the story with a friend, and the friend stopped her and asked her to please forgive him for what was done to her. Not only was I intrigued but I was deeply touched that someone would be willing to apologize and make a way for forgiveness when it didn't involve them directly at all!

But then I am reminded of Abigail. I've written a few times about her and I won't repeat the info, only to say that she was a type of Christ, asking forgiveness of David for her husband's churlish and stupid actions. Of course the best example of all is the one who paid for and apologized for all the inhumane acts of humanity on our behalf. So, maybe apologizing for or to someone else, isn't a bad idea. Finally, my husband often apologizes to me for things he has not done. I sit down to share a pain or discomfort and he nearly always says, I'm sorry. I usually tell him he doesn't have to apologize but at some level it helps me feel better to know someone feels my sorrow enough to be there with me in it and to apologize how he can.

And then Cari educated me more. So, it's pretty easy to see the remaining devastation of slavery in black communities. What I didn't know was the origin of the destruction of black American families. She told me about the Willie Lynch letter. Something I had never heard about, but is the origin of the term "lynching" and so much more horror. A slave owner from India came to America to lecture them how to keep their slaves from uprising. Break them without killing them and then get role reversals in the family for compliance. Reading about this was almost more than I could take.

Willie Lynch letter

And the affects are seen in so many ways. But maybe those ways are meant for another day. You might ponder whether there are benefits to apologizing in behalf of another. It had a profound affect on my sweet friend and I hope that it could do the same for others. I love you Cari. And Leslie. :-)

Reverse Gratitude

IAT = I am thankful

I'm doing that one thing again. Taking advantage of November and the blessings that can be had if we are just AWARE. With the big box stores jumping the gun on Christmas BEFORE Halloween has it's chance at ghosties, and goblins, and things that go trick or treat in the night, we see Christmas decorations, trees, lights, all lined up, ready for purchase. Being the last minute planner that I am, this is never a temptation or problem for me. I have a tendency to be wandering the aisles a few days before Christmas, scratching my head because I can't find what I want, and wondering why I didn't plan a little better!

But the tendency for MOST seems to be to skip what I feel is one of the best Holidays out there. Thanksgiving. We jump from Halloween to Christmas and jam 'turkey day" right in the midst of it, without really thinking how it can bless us. It's been at least the last five years, that I have spent every day in November being MINDFUL of my blessings. I can't tell you how that prepares my heart for the most wonderful blessed time of the year!

The benefits of gratitude are endless. I won't catalogue them here, but here's JUST a few.

WHY WOULDN'T YOU WANT TO be GRATEFUL???

I just heard of the most awesome gratitude practice. I am going to call it reverse gratitude because instead of being a bucket list, that's what it becomes. So, two ways to approach it. You could

a) Think of how your life would BE, if you started subtracting your blessings. You might journal about one or two of those things. Example: a special family member. 

For me it's my GRANNY. When I think of her and the life she lived and the example she was to me....it means everything. Because I DIDN'T have a mother most of my life. I DIDN'T have a typical father, never have, never will. I DIDN'T have a supportive family with only 2 or 3 exceptions. But I DID have an amazing GRANNY. I look back on nearly every interaction with her and realize what a blessing it was. The tender mercy extended to me in the midst of such absence. I'm so grateful for it I can hardly stand it.

 b) Reverse a bucket list to become gratitude. Have you ever made a bucket list? Does it light you up or bring you down? If it's motivating you to have, do, be, keep it up for sure! But, if it shows you every day all the things your AREN'T accomplishing...ditch it.

Instead, make a list of all the amazing things you HAVE done. Amazing is in the eye of the beholder. Is it amazing to give someone a ride who would have had to hitch hike? Is it amazing to drop off Christmas on someones doorstep? Is it amazing to travel to a foreign country or even another state you've never seen? Is it amazing to lay in bed with a sick child and comfort them? Is it amazing to stay up on the phone till 2 am and prevent a suicide? Kind of puts things in perspective when you think about it. Do me a favor. Make that reverse bucket list. Call it a gratitude list. Share something with me. I'll share ten below. In no particular order.

1. Visiting the Holy land.
2. Helping 2 people recover from PTSD.
3. Preventing at least 2 suicides.
4. Graduating from college.
5. Being married for THIRTY YEARS!
6. A miscarriage. (Helped me appreciate those who lose so many, and those I carried to term)
7. Having 7 beautiful children.
8. Having a home on 8 acres. How fortunate!
9. Thousands of teaching moments with my children and friends.
10. Visiting Russia.

I look back and think, that's a lot! And I'm really grateful to have accomplished each of them for different reasons. I am pretty sure I could turn that list into 100. How about you?